I’m carrying his child.
I didn’t know who moved first. If it was him. If it was me. Or both of us. What mattered was that our lips met. My breath snagged. He was more than aware of the cut along my lower lip, knew just the right pressure so it wouldn’t cause even a second of pain. And it felt like a first kiss. In a way, it was. Our last kiss like this had been weeks ago—months ago. An eternity. Before Aric, before things I knew were important but couldn’t pull from my scattered thoughts.
There was no thinking. Only sensation as I felt as if I sank into him. Caden was so incredibly careful, avoiding the numerous areas of aches and pains. He sipped from my lips in slow, drugging kisses that sent a flush of heady warmth through my body, chasing away the iciness of what had just occurred.
He tasted rich and lush as one of his hands lowered to my hip. I could feel the tension in his lax grip, as if he wanted to grab me, hold me tight but held back.
Caden and the kiss…they were both so incredibly gentle, so loving. A swelling motion rose in my heart, and a rawness appeared in my soul. I no longer had to fantasize about how it felt to be kissed by someone who didn’t just love me but also cherished me. Because that was how I was kissed right then. It was one of the most beautiful and painful realizations.
All those scattered thoughts were piecing themselves together, reminding me of what exactly had just happened and everything that had come before.
I shouldn’t be doing this—allowing this. Too much was at stake. I needed to distance myself from Caden. Not make out with him.
Caden ended the kiss before I had the common sense to do so. He pulled away just enough that his forehead rested on mine. Against my arm, I could feel his strong heart pounding. “I missed that little catch in your breath,” he murmured. “I missed the taste of you on my tongue.”
Heat swamped me, and I wanted to let it drown me. Then I wouldn’t care about the consequences.
God.
I shouldn’t have let him kiss me.
Or I shouldn’t have kissed him.
My lips still tingled. Other parts of me were also doing that, and I didn’t need the reminder to make what I had to do even harder. I had to put as much space between us as I could, but my body and heart had different ideas. I tipped forward, resting my unbruised cheek on his shoulder. There was no hesitation from Caden. His arms swept around me, and a sigh I couldn’t hope to hide parted my lips. He held me so very carefully, mindful of all the hurts. In his arms, I felt as if nothing could reach me—not the past or the future, not even the horrible dread that I would become just like my mom, or the knowledge that I had to walk away from Caden. I felt cherished and protected. Safe.
Caden drew a hand over my head, down the loose ponytail, and then over the line of my spine. The steady sweep of his hand was soothing. I didn’t know how much time passed as I soaked up his warmth, his closeness, but then he spoke. “I just missed you, Brighton.”
My heart squeezed as if a hand reached inside and gripped it, and all that warmth from before was chased away by cold, harsh reality.
Caden lifted his head then, his gaze coasting over my features as if they were flawless. He smiled again, but I realized it didn’t quite reach his eyes. A wealth of concern rested there, and I hated seeing that. “How are you feeling now?”
I dragged my gaze from his, focusing on the patch of golden skin above the collar of his black shirt. “I feel okay.”
“Truly?”
I nodded, having a feeling that he knew better.
“I have a lot of questions.”
Not exactly surprising.
“Starting with the most important one,” he continued. “What are you doing out of bed?”
I blinked. That was the most important thing? He’d found me in a hallway, having what was definitely a hallucination, and he was asking why I was out of bed? I started to move, reminding myself that we definitely needed space between us, but the hand at my back held me in place.
I didn’t fight him. I could’ve, and I believed if I pushed, he’d let go, but I didn’t. Just a little longer, I told myself. “I was looking for you,” I admitted.
“Flattered,” he murmured, smoothing down the wisps of my hair with his other hand. “But you should be resting and taking it easy. Neither of those two things includes roaming around the hotel.”
“I wasn’t roaming around.” I looked up at him. “And I feel fine.”
Caden stared at me.
I sighed. “I mean, I physically feel okay.”
He sat back a little, and I realized we were in one of the meeting rooms near Tanner’s office, sitting on a couch. Well, he was sitting on the couch. I was sitting on him, my legs resting on the cushion next to us. “You want to tell me what happened out there?”
Not really, but he’d seen me worse than this. When he found me in that underground chamber, I had been much harder to reach. “I don’t know what happened. I was coming down to tell you something, and one of the ceiling lights flickered.” My nose scrunched as I looked away again, focusing on a bouquet of purplish-pink irises. “Actually, I’m not even sure if the light flickered or not.”
“They did in Tanner’s office. A power surge, I believe,” he said.
Knowing I hadn’t hallucinated that part brought forth a small measure of relief. “After I saw the light, I…”
“What?” he asked softly.
My cheeks heated. “I heard Aric’s voice.” Aware that the movement of his hand had halted at the mention of the Winter fae, I forced myself to keep talking. “I knew he wasn’t here, but it was like being sucked into this…this hallucination. I don’t know if the light triggered it or what. With Mom, I don’t think there was anything in particular that caused her to lose the sense of who she was. But I couldn’t pull myself out of it. And I…I knew who I was.” A shiver worked its way through me. “Mom always did, but it was like I didn’t know where I was or what was real. I can’t…” I exhaled roughly as I gave a little shake of my head. “It wasn’t the first time I’d heard his voice or hallucinated. When I was there, I thought I saw a lot of things. And with Mom, it wasn’t as bad when she first came back. But it steadily got worse.”
Caden’s hand started moving again. “I know you’re aware of this. Too many feedings can fracture a human’s mind. It doesn’t take much.”
I did know that. Even if I hadn’t seen it firsthand with my mom, I could see it every day on the streets of New Orleans. Humans who stumbled around mindlessly, some easily mistaken for addicts while others became uncontrollable, violent creatures. It also happened when a fae bent human minds to their will too often.
“I know you’re afraid that you’re going to become your mom, but you’re stronger than that.”
“Mom was the strongest woman I knew.”
“I don’t know that, but you’re different. You’re not entirely human,” Caden said quietly. Slowly, my gaze lifted to his. The Summer Kiss. “You’re going to heal from this. All the bruises and the cuts will heal. Your mind will heal. You just need time. And you have time.”
God, I wanted to latch on to that and believe him, but I wasn’t sure if he was telling me that so I’d have hope, or if he was being truthful. But I really didn’t have time. There were important things to deal with.