“But cannoli…mmm…” I rub my belly as I drool over the dessert menu. As stuffed as I am, I can’t help but lust over dessert.
“How about you take it to go?” Dean suggests.
“Yes, perfect solution.”
After settling the bill, which Dean refused to let me see, we make our way outside, the crisp fall air cooler since the sun went down.
“Thank you for a wonderful meal.” I zip my jacket closed, my dessert doggie bag hanging off my wrist.
“You’re welcome. Is your apartment far from here? I’d be happy to walk you home.”
I smile, grateful for his offer. I’m not a fan of walking alone at night, and I planned on taking an Uber even though it’s only a ten-minute walk. “I’d like that.”
Dean chats my ear off about his job, the types of music he produces, and what it all entails. It’s interesting, and the walk goes by quick, my stomach feeling less full the longer we walk.
“I think your lyrics have great potential,” Dean points out as we round the corner to my apartment building, the street still busy with activity. “I’ve been thinking about the one song, and how it’d sound so good with a piano. The soft sound and melody would—”
He continues, but I’ve stopped listening. No. No. I can’t.
Not with those lyrics.
I should’ve never shown him those, my painful story, one I hold so close, but I didn’t expect him to suggest piano music. The one type of music my ears can’t bear to hear.
Dean finishes talking as we reach my door.
I reach into my crossbody bag, fiddling around for my keys. “I’m just not ready yet. But I appreciate your kind words.”
“I understand. I’ll wait for you as long as you need.” His warm smile feels like a warm hug. Comforting, soothing almost.
Dean’s about as tall as me, around five feet six inches, and it’s different having a guy line up eye to eye with me rather than having to look up.
I return his smile, and he steps closer, his body the closest it’s been to me before.
“Raina, I really enjoy spending time with you and,” he pauses as he reaches up with one hand to run his fingers through my hair, tucking a piece behind my ear, “I want to see you again.”
I blink, my mind suddenly blank. I’m at a loss for words. He’s so close, too close, wrapping me in a scent that isn’t what I want. Isn’t the same.
But if I let it in, will it cover up the other? Will it take away the pain and fill the void I so desperately need?
“Dean, I—”
He halts my words with the press of his lips against mine, and I blink again, jumping back and instantly breaking our connection.
No. No…
“I’m sorry, I have to go.” I turn to go, but he takes my arm and pulls me toward him.
“Raina, wait, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that—”
Turning around, I lock my eyes with his. A part of me wants to kiss him back while another part screams at me to run up the stairs and never look back.
I swallow over the lump in my throat as my heart and mind start to battle.
A war that’ll rage for months and months to come and destroy us all in the end.
I just didn’t know it yet.
So I kissed him, pressing our lips together in a way to forget.
To disguise.
To distract.
Little did I know, my heart was now changed forever.
Chapter Ten
Dean
“I’ll be there tomorrow, Mom. I promise. With those little cakes you like and your favorite crossword puzzle book.” I straighten up the last of the living room with my phone in one hand and a duster in the other. Raina’s due here in less than an hour, and it’ll be her first time hanging at my place.
I’m not a messy person, but I wanted the place to look nice for her. On the couch, I set up lots of pillows and blankets for our movie marathon, including a basket of her favorite candy.
“Oh, you’re the best. You know that, my little man?” my mom coos into the phone. She still calls me by the kid nickname she gave me long ago.
It doesn’t take much to please her, her mind now childlike since her breakdown. Though it’s sad, I find comfort that she’s content in her own way. “Is there anything else you’d like?”
“No, no, I’m okay. Hey, you still in school, little man? When do I get to see you graduate?” Her tone is sad, distant, and it tugs at my heartstrings.
“Soon, Mom, soon.” I’ve given up telling her the truth because she’ll only ask me again days later, blocking out reality.
That she’s locked inside a mental health facility for the rest of her life and missed it.
“I’ll see you in a few days. Have a good night. I love you, Mom.” I end the call before she can ask more. Her questions are too much sometimes.
I sit on my couch with a thud and lean forward, rubbing the back of my neck to ease the tension. Heavy thoughts run through my head, but I shake them off, not wanting to spoil my mood. It bothers me I can’t help her more, and she’s living her life with no freedom.
Enough beating yourself up. You can’t save everyone.
A text beeps on my phone from Raina, letting me know she’s on her way. I spring into action, finishing the few things left on my list before she arrives.
I can’t remember the last time I was this excited about having someone over, never mind a woman. Being single for a few years was nice in certain ways, but it’s lonely, and the needs for affection and companionship are hard to ignore.
Stumbling upon Raina that day turned into something I never expected, and the more time I spend with her, the more I want to know about her and dig inside her brain. She’s still not told me about why she was upset when we met, but I don’t ask.
Tonight is special. It’s her first time coming over and hopefully, possibly, spending the night.
I want to tell her my true feelings. Why bother hiding them anymore?
I’m falling for her, and I know it’s quick and probably stupid, and I doubt she feels the same. But honestly, there’s nothing I can do to stop it so, why not just go with it?
Raina stands in my doorway, and she’s beautiful, the late afternoon sun bouncing off her hair.
Reaching for her, I grip her waist and pull her inside, shutting the door behind me. Taking her bag, I place it on the floor next to her feet, my eyes landing on hers while she watches me take charge. My mind is elsewhere, wanting to inhale her, kiss her, touch her. “Mmm, I missed you,” I mumble against her ear and hug her tight against me, my hands running along her curves.
Raina giggles, and the sound runs through me, shooting tingles straight to my dick. She smells so good, her warm skin against mine setting a blaze of fire between us. “I missed you. How’s your week been?” Raina breaks our hug and runs her hands along my chest, the touch sending shivers up my arms.
“Better now that you’re here. Wanna see the place?” I wave my hand around and grin. There isn’t much to see, but I’m proud of my own space I worked hard for anyway.
“Yes, you know I do, and I’m hungry.” She laughs, and I join her.