“At least that’s one less thing to worry about.”
“Yeah, I wish everything else was just as easy.”
“Me too, girl, me too.”
I watch Levi’s chest rise and fall, my hand holding his as my fingers run along his palm.
His face is less bruised, and the swelling has gone down, which has him looking more like his old self. I can’t stop staring at him, willing him with all I have to just open his eyes.
Please, just open your eyes. Let me see you.
The door opens behind me, and Drew walks in. His hair is disheveled, and he looks tired, worn, and stressed.
It must be hard to deal with the band while supporting Levi at the same time. I don’t know how he does it, but the love he has for Levi is strong, like brothers, and I know he would do anything for him.
“Hey, Rai. You doing okay?” Drew comes over, and I stand, pulling him in for a hug.
“Not really, but I’m here. How about you?”
“Eh, one day at a time, right? But the truth is, absolutely shitty.”
I nod. “Yep me too.”
“Are you staying in the city for the holidays?”
“Yeah, are you?”
A sad smile crosses Drew’s face. “Yeah. I’d be here because of the band anyway.”
With one last hug, I move out of the way. I want to give Drew time alone with Levi. “Do you want anything from the cafeteria?”
“Nah, I’m good. Zeke’s here. He’s in the hallway.”
I nod and disappear from the room. I couldn’t care less if Zeke’s here. He doesn’t help Levi; he only adds to the problem.
Zeke’s sitting in a chair in the hallway with his attention on his phone, tapping the screen with his fingers.
I tiptoe past him, hoping he doesn’t see me. He’s the last person I care to see, never mind talk to.
“Raina?”
Fuck. I almost made it.
I turn around to find him walking up to me. “Hey, I thought it was you. How are you holding up?”
“I’m alright.”
Zeke nods. “It’s crazy right? I mean, he was clean for two months, and now this?”
What the hell? Is Zeke actually saying what I think I heard?
“Now this? He was in a car accident, Zeke.”
“Yeah, from drinking. What about the band? Things were going so well, and now…” Zeke trails off, and I want to punch the smug grin off his face. He’s always out for himself, and screw everyone else, huh? What a selfish asshole.
Besides, there’s no need for Zeke to bring up Levi’s drinking as the cause of his accident. The reminder is unnecessary. Levi’s drinking problem isn’t unknown. And why would he come here knowing what type of shape Levi is in only to talk trash?
“What about the band? Are you fucking kidding me?” I cross my arms and step back, my pulse pounding in my ears.
“It’s a valid question, Raina. I’m worried about the band, our career.”
“Why are you here?”
“To see Levi.”
“To really see him? Or because you’re so worried about the band.”
“Don’t be mad at me because your perfect rock star fucks everything up.”
An urge to lunge at him comes out of nowhere, but I ignore it. He’s not worth it. “Fuck you, Zeke. Just leave. Levi needs people here who support him and love him as he lies in there with his life slipping away. Not jerks like you.”
Zeke widens his stance, his fists clenching at his sides. “It’s your fault, Raina. You left him, then show up at the dinner with your new man. Levi drinks for the first time in two months. Put two and two together already.”
I explode, not giving a shit we’re in a public place. “You’re the biggest asshole I’ve ever met. All you care about is yourself and the band. You want to take Levi’s place, don’t you? I’ll make sure that never happens. Fuck you and the band! No one has been there for Levi like Drew and me! No one!” I’m hysterical, words and tears flying everywhere.
Drew runs out of the room, heading straight for me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me away from Zeke, my body trembling as sobs wrack my body. “Get out of here, Zeke. I’ll call you later.”
I sob as we stumble to the room.
It’s all your fault.
It’s all your fault, Raina.
Dean waits for me outside the hospital, his offer to pick me up one I gladly accepted. After calming down and talking to Drew, I decided I needed a break and left the hospital much earlier than I usually do.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Dean smiles as I slide into his warm car. He leans over and kisses me, the gesture gentle and sweet. “Rough day?”
“Awful,” I mutter, the fight with Zeke on repeat in my head. His words hurt and only confirmed my worst fears.
That everything really is all my fault.
I should’ve never left him. I should’ve stayed and helped him. Where would we be if I’d stayed?
Would Levi be dying in a hospital bed?
“Want to talk about it?”
I shake my head, not caring to rehash the entire fight. I already did that with Drew. “Maybe later.”
“I’m here for you, whatever you need.” Dean rubs my arm. “Want to order some pizza?”
I attempt a smile. “No, I’m not hungry.”
“Wow, I never thought I’d hear you say no to pizza,” Dean teases, but I’m not in the mood. Maybe I should’ve gone to my place instead.
I thought I wanted the comfort of Dean tonight, but right now, I want to crawl out of my skin. “Rain check?”
“Of course.”
Once we’re back at his place, Dean runs me a bath while I make a cup of tea. He’s laid out my favorite candies, and I smile at his thoughtfulness.
I don’t deserve it. What am I doing?
What am I doing with these two men in my life?
“You like the selection?” Dean’s voice interrupts my thoughts.
“You know me well.” I stir my tea and pop a chocolate in my mouth.
Dean takes me in his arms and holds me for a moment before kissing my lips. “Your bath is ready, sweetheart. Go soak and relax.”
“I might lie down after. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“Okay, I’ll be here.”
After an hour in the bath, I’m sleepy and want to lie down. I hope I can actually get some without the nightmares that haunt me.
I drain the water and wrap my towel around me, using another for my hair. Before heading to the bedroom, I take a detour to the living room so I can thank Dean.
But what I see stops me dead in my tracks.
Dean’s on the couch, my journal spread wide open in his lap as he reads the words.
It’s like my heart lunged out of my chest and landed at my feet.
Why is he reading that? Those are my private words…
I storm over and grab the book from his hands. My emotions get the better of me, and fresh tears fly off my face. “What in the hell are you doing?”
Dean jumps to his feet, his eyes wide, his hands up in surrender. “I’m worried, Raina.”
“So you read my journal?” I yell. Can this day get any worse? For fuck’s sake.