Shit, well that was easy. I click through the different buttons and tabs, absorbing any information I can on this guy. Raina should know who she’s dealing with instead of being kept in the dark.
We keep little background on our clients. Musicians have a full breakdown on their profile, but that’s only when they’re signed to our label. Also, it’ll only go back as far as when they signed with us.
Assault charges and alcohol charges are listed under Levi’s background, including being kicked out of a nice club the company uses to host. I shake my head as I read about his troubling history.
A part of me yearns to help him, but I quash it down quick. Why do I always feel the need to help? Why do I care so damn much?
Maybe if you had helped your mom when she needed it most….
No, you did all you could. You were only fourteen…
Maybe if I helped Levi, it’ll help Raina, and then she’ll see who she’s meant to be with.
Me.
Chapter Sixteen
Raina
My heart feels torn in two. All of those pieces never put back together by Levi?
Dean took some. More than I wanted to give, more than I ever thought he’d take.
It’s all a mess. It’s all fucked up, yet I find myself returning to the two men in my life. The two men I can’t picture not having.
I hurry into the hospital, the holiday decorations reminding me yet again that Christmas looms ahead.
Christmas. My stomach turns. I wish I could skip the holidays this year.
Who would I spend it with anyway? My time is split between two men, and right now, most of it is going to Levi.
How? How did I let this happen? So lost in my grief for Levi, Dean distracted me, masking the pain I felt. We fell into an easy relationship together, the vibe relaxing and comfortable.
Do I love him? I don’t know. Not how I love Levi. I know I should let Dean go and feel selfish for keeping him around. But even if Levi wakes, who says we’re getting back together?
I don’t know what’ll happen or if he’ll even want to see me.
But does that mean I’m holding on to Dean for my own selfish reasons?
No, you care for him.
I do. I care for him deeply. But am I settling because I can’t have the one man I do want?
Will I always be settling if I never get back with Levi?
My head and heart want to explode.
As I ride the elevator up to Levi’s floor, one question runs through my head on repeat. What the fuck am I doing?
The doors open and I step out, rounding the corner to head down the hall. Up ahead, Mable and Drew stand outside Levi’s door with their heads huddled close together.
I stop and watch them, not wanting to interrupt. Both of them are meeting me here as the doctors have some news. Only Drew can meet with them, so Mable offered to sit with me while I wait.
Mable wraps her arms around Drew’s waist, her short height leaves her head barely reaching his chest. He rests his head on the top of hers, and she rubs his back.
It’s different seeing them together, but I like them comforting each other. Mable’s one of the most caring people I know.
When they break apart, I approach them, afraid they know something I don’t. With every step I take, my heart beats harder.
Mable sees me first and pulls me into a hug, her eyes full of tears. “Raina,” she whispers as she squeezes tight.
No. Something’s wrong.
How much more can I take?
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” I back away so I can see their faces, Drew’s eyes downcast, his own face wet.
Oh my God, it’s bad. Something happened.
I feel it in my gut.
“What happened? Just tell me. Please.” I close my eyes, unable to stand the sight of their sad expressions any longer.
“Let’s go to the cafeteria and talk.” Drew takes my arm.
I pull it back and lock eyes with him. “No, I haven’t seen Levi yet. Please, just tell me,” I beg, not wanting to go downstairs, three floors away from him, when all I’ve thought about all day is the moment I could see him.
Silly, I know. But I just want to be next to him.
Drew’s worried eyes look away from me, but when he flicks them back, unshed tears shine in them. “It’s not looking good, Rai.”
Crossing my arms, I bite my lip, failing to brace myself for the blow that’s about to come. I know it is. I feel it. “What do you mean, it’s not looking good?” The question is irrelevant. I know what he means, but I can’t fucking accept that. No, no, he’s doing fine. He will make it.
“I met with the doctors already.” Drew takes a deep breath, and I notice Mable squeezes his hand while holding mine. “For the past few days, they’ve been weaning him off the drugs they used to put him into a coma. Normally, patients start responding by twitching, then blinking and opening their eyes. Levi hasn’t responded at all.” Drew pauses before continuing. “They ran some tests to see if there was any brain activity and found Levi had slipped into his own coma.”
His own coma?
What? How does that happen?
Tears spill down my cheeks as I try to process this information. “So now what?”
Drew glances back and forth between Mable and me, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “We wait. He may come out of it on his own, but he may not. Or he may go into a vegetative state.” Drew chokes on the last word.
My stomach drops to my feet. “So… wait… you’re saying he might never come out of this?”
Drew nods his head slowly, and my vision blurs, my worst nightmare coming true. “No, no, no!” I scream and shake my head.
Mable grabs me, but it’s no use. I fall to the floor, and we both go down together. Drew kneels, wrapping his arms around us both.
It’s as if my rib cage cracked open and my heart splattered on the floor. So many tears.
He might never come out of this…
Holding Levi’s hand with both of mine, I bring it up to my face and rest it against my cheek. Tears run along my hands as they drip off my chin.
“I’m so sorry, Levi,” I whisper as more tears fall. “Maybe if…maybe if I had never walked away that night, you wouldn’t be here in this bed, fighting for your life. Maybe I could’ve helped you, taken you to rehab, supported you instead of abandoning you.”
I choke on my sobs, unable to control my crying that only stopped minutes before. Placing his hand back down, I lay my head on his chest, careful not to disrupt the wires and machinery.
It hurts. It hurts so bad.
He needs to survive. He needs to pull through. Life just isn’t fair…
Why? Why him?
I want to trade places. Let me be the one fighting for my life. He has so much potential, so many things to accomplish. He can’t die. He just can’t.
“I never stopped loving you, and I don’t think I ever will. You have my heart, Levi, and even if we’re never together again or you don’t make it through, just know I’ll never stop loving you.”
My body spent from crying, I don’t move even though my position half in the chair, half on Levi’s chest is uncomfortable. But I don’t care. I want to stay this way forever.