And the worst part? I fall so damn fast. Like a lovestruck teenage boy with a first crush. I saw myself falling for Raina hard and fast, but I didn’t stop it. I let it happen. And now look where I am. Does she even love me back?
Raina didn’t tell me much about her past, nor did I ask questions. She revealed she was sad the day we met in the café because of a breakup but nothing more.
What I didn’t know is she still loves him. Does she even love me?
If this accident never happened, would she still love him? Is she only stringing me along?
Fuck.
I slam my hand against the wheel. I need to find out more information. Who is this Levi guy, and what was their relationship like?
I want Raina. She’s exactly what I’ve been looking for. A kind, compassionate woman who puts others before herself. I don’t want to give her up.
According to the article in the paper, before his accident, he was fresh out of rehab and sober.
What happened?
I saw him that night at the fundraiser dinner for work. I saw how he looked at Raina, how he observed her every move when he thought no one was watching.
Raina was off too, more distant, her body language giving her away.
I understand needing to be with him. He needs all the support he can get.
I just miss my girl.
She’s hurting, and I don’t enjoy seeing her that way. I want to help her, but how?
I open the door and poke my head out. Raina runs down the hall to me, wrapping me in a tight hug as soon as she’s close enough. Her arms squeeze me hard as tears spill down her cheeks. “Dean.”
“Hey, sweetheart. Doing okay?” I lead her into my apartment, kicking the door shut with my foot. Taking her in my arms, I wrap myself around her, inhaling her scent like a drug I’ve been without.
She relaxes against me, but she’s crying harder now, her body shaking.
“Not good, huh? Want to sit down?” I rub her back, and she nods. Leading her over to the couch, I sit first and then pull her onto my lap.
Raina wraps herself around me as if I’m a life raft, and she’ll sink without me. “I’m sorry, Dean,” Raina whispers against my chest, and my heart aches for her.
“Don’t be sorry. You’re a good person, and I don’t expect anything less.” I rub her back. It hurts me to say those words, but they’re true. She is an amazing person, and I expected her to be there for him.
“I know, but I feel bad, spending all my time there. I just…I just want to be there for him.” She wipes the last of her tears as she leans back and looks me in the eye. “It’s overwhelming and being there feels like the only way I can help.”
“I understand. Trust me, I do.” Thoughts of my mom fill my head, but I push them away and focus on Raina. “Do what you need to, Raina. I’ll be here for you.”
She searches my eyes as fresh tears spill over her lids. “Thank you. You’re too kind, Dean. I don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t say that. You do. You deserve everything you want.” I kiss her, the salty taste of tears on her mouth.
She doesn’t kiss back at first. Her lips are hesitant to meet mine. But she recovers quickly, kissing me back with an urgency I never felt before.
Suddenly, a passion ignites between us, and it’s all hands, mouths, and clothes flying off fast, landing around the room.
Grabbing a condom from my wallet on the end table, I slide it on quickly, impatient to be inside her.
Raina straddles my lap and runs her pussy along my cock, teasing up and down before she finally sinks onto it with a groan.
“Fuck,” I mutter. Reaching up, I palm her tits, my fingers playing with her soft nipples.
She rides me fast and hard with her head thrown back. One hand balances her by holding my leg behind her while the other hand rubs her clit.
It’s hot as fuck, and I feel myself close to release. I fuck her with my hips, meeting her thrust for thrust as I watch her face contort in pleasure.
Raina comes first, her legs shaking as she cries out. Seeing her sends me over the edge, and I erupt inside her as she collapses against me. Our bodies are slick with sweat, our chests heaving.
“Damn,” I mumble while running my hands along her sticky, hot skin. The smell of sex lingers in the air settling around us.
Raina pecks my lips and hoists herself off me. I guess after-sex cuddling isn’t happening. “Do you mind if I take a shower?”
“Yeah, sure, go ahead.” Her question throws me off, but a shower isn’t a bad idea. “Maybe I’ll join you.” I grin, but she doesn’t return the smile. Instead, she almost runs to the bathroom.
Damn, I hope I didn’t hurt her or anything. After cleaning up the clothes on the floor and disposing of the condom, I grab a towel and join Raina in the bathroom.
Steam hits my face when I open the door, but the running water isn’t the only thing I hear.
Raina’s cries fill my ears, and my heart cracks. I back up toward the door, thinking she needs space. Time alone.
She was into our sex, both of us fueling the passion, and it hurts me she’s crying.
I want to hold her, but I don’t move, unsure what to do. Her cries grow louder, and my heart cracks more.
Thoughts I’ve pushed away before creep back in.
Raina loves Levi more than I thought, and it fucking hurts.
I’m in love with a woman who was never truly mine to begin with. Levi’s already claimed her heart, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
Maybe one day, she’ll choose me. When she realizes you can’t help those who don’t help themselves.
Like I finally did with my mother.
As Raina continues spending most of her time at the hospital, I do what I can to lift her spirits.
Movie nights with her favorite pizza, lots of pizza. I show her the music I’m working on, asking her opinion on beats and lyrics.
Most nights, she’s home too late to come over, so my time with her is cut to once or twice a week.
The holidays are in less than two weeks, and since I do little to celebrate, I want to be here for Raina if she decides not to go home. I don’t want her spending Christmas alone when I’m not going anywhere.
The past few years on Christmas Day, I’ve visited my mother and had dinner with her, exchanging a few small gifts. It’s not much, but I don’t have any other family, and most of my college buddies and co-workers are busy with their own families.
Staring at my computer screen, I watch the clock tick slowly on this gloomy Monday morning. My mind isn’t in it today, too distracted by my personal shit. Checking my schedule, I see only one appointment this afternoon, meaning I could sneak a long lunch break and maybe even a nap.
Sleep doesn’t come easy for me as my thoughts play on a loop, keeping me up.
Raina loves Levi, not you.
She’s with you because you’re easy, comfortable, someone to settle with.
No, she loves you. Of course she does. Right?
I wish I knew the answers. But I can’t give up on somebody I love, not without a fight.
Maybe it’s time to look this guy up. I shut my office door after looking up and down the hallway and not seeing one person in sight. Back at my desk, I open the software the company uses for clients and band members and type his name in the search bar. His profile shows up instantly.