“You’re going to be great.” Danny took both my hands and squeezed them. “Take some breaths. You’re going to amaze them.”
My corset hugged my ribs as I took a long breath, watching Danny’s pretty eyes as I did. He made me feel a little braver when really all I wanted to do was puke and hide. I was ready. I had to be ready.
“Ok,” I said as I exhaled. “I’m ready.”
“I wish I could be there. Will you come by tonight and tell me how it went?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
Since I had just gotten my makeup exactly right, he kissed my cheek instead of my lips. It was warm and sweet and caused a swarm of butterflies in my stomach. I told myself to hold on to those butterflies instead of the hornets that stung my belly at the thought of the audition.
The walk to the theater made my stomach tangle and my heart pound. The day was warm and mildly sticky, which caused sweat to slide down my spine. I took deep breaths the entire way there and remembered Danny’s kiss to keep me brave. This was my chance to step into the life I knew I wanted, with others who understood me. I could be a Mimic onstage, an actor, with people like myself.
I’d never realized how badly I wanted to have that connection until it was in front of me, within arm’s length. I craved it.
I had to hold my breath as I went into the theater because I was so worried I’d faint. By the time my feet were walking down the stairs toward the stage, I’d started feeling cautiously calm. I was there now. This was it.
As I approached, Finny smiled at me and hopped down from the stage to greet me. Ashley was unfortunately there, ignoring me completely, and Sam gave a small wave from the side. Sam was a woman then, ebony skin and short hair, whispering to themselves as they practiced some dance moves. I watched as they moved between forms from female to male, without even batting an eye.
I never shifted forms in front of people. I hated it. It made me feel appallingly vulnerable and exposed. When I had clients, I would have them look away or shut their eyes as I changed into whoever they wanted for the night. It kept the mystery and illusion alive and kept me from feeling somehow more naked than I already was.
I had a feeling they were not going to allow me that comfort. It was a hell of a challenge and forced me from what was comfortable.
Which was good. But fucking scary.
“Welcome back.” Finny put their hands on their hips. “You ready?”
“Yes,” I said a little stronger than I felt. “Beyond ready.”
Ashley snorted.
“Alright, then!” Finny handed me a pair of the strange long johns they all had on. “Go change and meet us onstage.”
I ducked off behind the stage and found a place to disrobe, tugging the strange clothing on after I draped my dress over a chair. The fabric stretched when I pulled it, but shrank back into place without warping or drooping. It was strangely comfortable, though I felt like a drab idiot while in it. The stage floor was cool under my bare feet as I walked back out, feeling a little small without my corset and bustle.
The whole cast was there now: Finny, Ashley, Lyn and Sam. They were stretching and warming up their voices. I exhaled and shut my eyes, remembered Danny’s kiss, remembered Cal’s hug, remembered Momma’s voice.
I was ready.
“We’ll start from the top and go clockwise,” Finny explained. “Shift into the character and say their lines. Be prepared to do multiple different characters. You may not land on the same person twice.”
Right from the start, I was going to have to shift in front of them. My stomach hurt, but I nodded.
“I’ll start,” Sam announced, shifting into Mary, who started the play. Sam’s version of Mary was impressive, very similar to the one Ashley had crafted but a little sweeter. From there, Lyn shifted into a tall, lanky man with a beard to play her late husband. The voice was brilliant, and they delivered the lines flawlessly. Then Ashley, who played the young woman who came to visit. They had a singsong voice that fluttered offstage like a little bird’s tweet.
I knew what was next and didn’t allow myself to think too much about it. The next character was her young lover, Tom, who always struck me as someone similar to Cody. In the play, he was young and naïve, with a heart of gold that got him into trouble. I shifted before I could dwell, pulling Cody’s image from my mind and taking his form.
Eyes were on me as I spoke the lines I knew from hours of practice and said them like I was a living, walking Tom right from the pages.
It felt amazing. It was liberating to shift in front of other Mimics, and no one batted an eye. They fed off my lines and Finny moved into her own version of Mary. The scene continued, and we acted together, moving into characters one after another. Once my fear began to melt away, I was able to give myself over completely to the play. It was fun and exciting, though I wished I had a chance to sing.
I wished I could hear Danny’s music up on this brilliant stage, as I shifted without concern, with a full house of eyes on me. The thought helped drive the excitement of my character as I acted out a scene.
Everything was going brilliantly until suddenly it wasn’t.
When a female character was up next for me, I shifted as best I could. I had to play Annibell this time, and knew damn well I couldn’t play the part as true as they could. I made my hair black, shifted back to my regular form, and tried to lighten my voice. It was jarring, especially since Lyn’s version of Annibell had been busty and sultry.
Mine was not.
“What the fuck was that?” Lyn’s words were like a slap. The lines stopped, and I froze. “Why did you change Annibell? She was already established.”
Nerves began to dance along my gut as I glanced at my acting mates. They were staring at me with a mixture of annoyance and confusion. I had broken the flow, and I was painfully aware of it. My mouth had gone bone dry, and my words started to get stuck in my throat.
“Scarlet’s eyes don’t change either.” Ashley, in all their dickless wonder, chimed in. “They stay the same the whole time.”
“You need to change everything when you shift, and you can’t just change a character once it’s established,” Lyn snapped. “I think that’s fairly basic.”
“Do we have to start all over again?” Sam whined.
“Scarlet.” Finny sighed deeply. “I thought you were ready?”
“Clearly he’s--” Ashley started, but I finally got my words to unstick.
“I can’t change into a female.” I licked my lips and cleared my throat. “Or my eyes.”
It went deathly silent as all eyes bored into me. Sam was the first to speak.
“Like...for religious reasons or something?”
“No, I just...can’t. I’ve never been able to.” The silence was plucking at my skin, so I rubbed at my arm to try and make it stop. “The next line is Henry. I can do that one--”
“You’ve...never been able to?” Finny whispered, sounding horrified. “Even when you were younger?”
I shook my head, and Ashley threw their hands up in frustration.
“By the gods. He’s a cripple.”
“Hey, fuck you,” I snapped before I could catch myself. It stung like a son of a bitch, and I was getting embarrassed.