“Amell.” Eta greeted me before her father, husband, and Mitch had time to. She looked so much different than the last time I saw her. Different up close at least. I always kept eyes on her through the years. Trusting that her husband and father would keep her safe landed her in the predicament I found her in.
“Good to see you, Eta.” I smiled pointing at her round belly.
Brown eyes smiled back at me. “Oh yes. This is baby number two. Our son.” Glancing around me she nodded for someone to come to her. “And this green-eyed princess is our daughter Amellika.”
I spotted the pink ribbons tied around two pigtails before the olive skin came into view. Small hands tapping my jeans and then hands stretching in the air for me to pick her up followed. Eta laughed saying that her daughter was very familiar with who I was. I heard the other men join us but my focus was on the small human in my arms that smiled at me like I was her best friend.
“Hi.” She spoke before hugging my neck.
“My daughter and I are alive because of you. Before she was born, we struggled on finding the right name. A name that would mean something to us, to her.” Eta grabbed her husband’s hand, resting her head on his shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind that we named her after you. We’ve been trying to get a hold of you since I gave birth, but you are a hard man to track down. She’s two now and is very familiar with the man who saved her mommy.”
Holding little Amellika in my arms, I felt like the biggest asshole on the planet for ignoring the thousands of calls that have been made by her family. Kids have always been a soft spot for me, and this gapped tooth girl had found one right next to where JD’s was.
“Amell, this is long overdue.” Chief Chatterjee came into view followed by Mitch. “This land that you’re on has been in our family for generations. It is the land of our people. Land where our tribe first started, and I want you to have it.”
My eyes damn near popped out my head and had Amellika not been in my arms I might’ve thought this was a dream. The Indian Reservation out in Dania was off-limits to everyone. They had their own police force, hospitals, schools, and that large Hard Rock Casino that they didn’t pay taxes on. Anyone outside of their bloodline was considered an enemy. We never worked near their land and if they wanted to buy products they came to us.
“It was voted on by all the tribal members. Close to eighty acres of land. All we ask is that you honor it as we have. No one will bother you or come to your side of the reservation. Build houses for your family. They’ll always have our protection.” Rajani, Eta’s husband, handed me an envelope. “That’s the deed to the land. Welcome to The Reservation.”
Standing out there in the middle of the land, watching Amellika run around, seeing Eta pregnant, all of this felt undeserving, but I appreciated it. For years I wondered where I would build a home for my brothers where their safety wouldn’t be uncompromised. Atlas, the gentlest of us all, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he’d get married and have kids. Unlike Cassian and me, this life of grit wasn’t meant for him. Being attached to me both would need places to lay their heads safely and it was provided.
O’Nesha kept calling me while we stood out there and I did what I had done the other times she called ignore them. After I got her and JD set up in the hotel for a week and gave her money to start over where she wanted, two days later she was back with Big JD. Yeah, that pissed me off but what royally pissed me off was her giving Big JD the money I gave her.
If she could hide her income tax checks, bonus checks, or anything else I’d been able to give her prior to, then why didn’t she hide the money I gave her this time? And I knew she gave it to him because the hood reported back to me and told me that he was around there flashing it off saying that I pretty much paid him to take her back.
My feelings for her, I never been able to make sense of them or control how I felt. If there was ever a woman to be my lady, it would be Nesha because she knew me. Really knew me and what I was capable of. She seen it. She witnessed it. She asked questions about it and I answered her in all honesty. But still, we never stepped over the invisible line no matter how many times I desired her to tell me that she wanted me too. And I guess I was just as much of a coward because I never spoke the words to her.
Everything I did for her and JD, that was my language of expression. Even when she dated other men and got pregnant, that never shifted my unspoken feelings for her. Was it love I felt for her? Honestly, I have no idea what love is or how to categorize it.
The closest thing to a love that I know is my love for my brothers. I know how to love them. My overwhelming need to protect and be there for them, that’s my type of love. And God’s love. I can’t say I love Nesha the same because it’s different. All I know is that I have strong feelings for her.
An hour after Nesha’s last call I got a call from her grandmother that startled me. I’d been sitting out on the land in the pitch dark of the night by myself, laid out on the grass smoking lost in my thoughts.
“Mrs. Perkins, is everything okay?” Sniffling and sirens were the only thing I heard from her end. “Mrs. Perkins?” Jumping to my feet I ran to my car.
“Amell, baby, are you there?” Her voice, I never heard it so heavy with this amount of emotion before.
“Yes, ma’am. Is everything alright? Do…do you need anything?” My hands shook as I drove. My lips dared me to form the words of asking about her granddaughter. The uncomfortable sudden change in the beat of my heart kept me from doing so.
“Son, I need you to get to Westside Regional. It’s O’Nesha.”
“I’m coming.” Disconnecting the phone saved me from crashing into the median. It’s like the weight of her words shocked my nervous system and had my eyes blurry for a second.
Stop signs and traffic lights, what were those? I drove and drove. Ignored the hunks of horns. Ignored the other calls coming in. Valet took my keys and next thing I know I’m standing outside of a hospital room trying to piece together what caused Mrs. Perkins to be cradled in the arms of her sisters. Her cries, no grandmother should be crying gut cries like that. It shook your soul and caved your spirit.
“Mrs. Perkins.” I paused, licked my lips, and closed my eyes. For the first time ever my voice nor my presence alerted anyone that I was there. Their grief held them by the neck, and I was afraid that it was coming for me.
I decided to leave the women be and take my chances by facing whatever laid on the other side of the door. My hands shook and I couldn’t get my mouth from growing dry. Pushing open the door I waited for the sound of machine beeps.
Silence. A deathly silence.
I stood next to the bed and refused to look down at the person laying on it. On any given day she snored like a wildebeest. Every time I picked on her about it, she’d tell me that a true lady doesn’t snore, and those noises coming from her were her body getting rid of bad toxins. Weird, but that was Nesha.
My O’Nesha.
Standing, I waited patiently for her body to release those bad toxins. I waited and waited. Several people had come in, but I never moved. Refused to move. I wanted to hear her. I needed to hear her talk to me.
“She called but I didn’t pick up. To be honest I was on some petty shit from how she did you a few weeks ago.” Pacino had come in not too long after I did. He stood on the other side of the bed doing what I couldn’t confirming with his own eyes that life no longer lived in my Nesha.