How was little JD? Did they tell him his mom was gone?
I barely slept. Found myself sitting on the window bench watching the house waiting for him to come back. All I wanted to know is if he was okay. Asking my father didn’t seem like the right thing to do, especially knowing that I technically wasn’t supposed to be there. When my mom asked where we had been, and he confessed she flipped her damn wig.
“Call us when you land, okay?”
“Yes, Ma. Damn, how many times are you going to smear that nasty smelling lipstick on my face?”
“Watch your damn mouth and give me another hug.”
Ten minutes and we were still on the porch waiting for them to let me go and get in the truck. My daily guard, David, was at the airport waiting while my father had another guard drive me. It felt good to see them missing me already and I hadn’t left.
“Amell, drive safely now. You got precious cargo.” Hearing my father say that name brought a weird feeling that had me on edge. Why was he taking me to the airport? Was he still in killer mode?
At first, I tried to sit in the backseat. Wanted to give him his space and all. A good friend of his was just murdered and the last thing I wanted to do was crowd his space. Plus, I had no idea where he was mentally. My mom quickly nipped my backseat ride in the bud and pushed me to the passenger seat. Neither of us said a word. Surprisingly, he wasn’t the focal point of my thoughts. They were on my parents. All of a sudden, I started thinking about them becoming old and dying. Would they let me take care of them or continue to push me away? What about when I got married and had children? Would my kids know who their grandparents are? Would my father walk me down the aisle?
So many things ran through my mind that I hadn’t realized we were at the airport and parked until his thunderous voice shook me out my thoughts. “If you need to vent, I’m here to listen.” Our eyes collided. “That’s all I’m giving you, Krishna. Just my ears and an opinion if needed.”
Now, this was my Amell. My Amell with the onyx eyes that had clouds of mystery dancing behind them. Unlike yesterday he wore a plain white V-neck shirt with a Cuban link chain that had a gold ‘K’ initial hanging from it. Dark blue jeans and all-white air force sneakers. Besides the chain and a gold watch that I knew was a Rolex, his simple look made my heart beat out of rhythm.
I think I’m going to start calling it Amell’s song Rhythm and Blues.
Rhythm because we were moving so out of sync in our own words. I crushed on him heavy and he kept pretending that I didn’t exist. Blues, well that was obvious. Blues for the many times I wanted to catch his eye but never did.
“How are you, Krishna? How are you feeling?” His questions, though probably a segway to get me to talk, made me tear up because it wasn’t often anyone asked me how I felt about anything.
“My Uncle Lamont is weak compared to my father. Both men are night and day. Honestly, I have no right to judge my uncle because my parents interrupted his world by dumping a child into his life that he never planned on raising. He’s done a good job and I’m thankful to have him, but sometimes I wish it was them that lived in my house and not him. I want him to be just that, my uncle, and them be my parents.”
“I don’t have children, but I have brothers and I’ve been raising them since I was thirteen years old.” He stared ahead not once blinking. “I live the life your father lives but much worse. Your mother offers that balance that I can’t give them, and I know that you feel like it’s wrong, her raising them but not you, but it’s different. If I had someone to send them to and felt like they’d be safe, I’d do it in a heartbeat. There isn’t a correct handbook out here on how to raise a child. You can only do what you hope is the best and so far you’re doing good for yourself. About to graduate Summa Cum Laude and go on to grad school. Becoming a dope ass teacher making big bread.” He winked, making me duck my head with blushing cheeks.
He knew…he knew so much about me.
“When you have children raise them how you want to.”
“Where are your parents?”
Without a beat, his head turned and once again our eyes collided. “Father is dead, and my mother is trying to come into our lives, but I don’t trust her.” His eye contact was so potent and solid. “She left us when we were too young to understand and now, she thinks it’s okay to come back around like nothing ever happened.” Seeing him flick the tip of his nose and chuckle, I knew he was more frustrated about the situation than he led on. “Why she wants to come back around now, I’m trying to figure that part out. I refuse to allow her to infiltrate the hearts I had to repair. No, I’m not their mother or father but I had to step up and do what I had to do for them, and I would do it all over again without question.”
Leaving me to sit and fall deeper in love with him, Amell got out and handled my check-in at the desk before entering the airport. When he came around to my side and opened my door, I wanted to jump in his arms and wrap my whole body around him. Hug him for being motherless and having to grow up before his time. Hug him for having to set his dreams aside and become a ruler of the streets. Hug him to show that I was here for him. Standing in his corner ready to fight with him.
I might be young, seven years younger, but all that proved was that I had the energy and will power to keep fighting long after he got tired.
Together, side by side, we walked through TSA with him carrying my bookbag. I expected him to turn around once I was checked through, but he stayed and sat with me until my gate was called. I learned that Amell’s reach ran pretty deep when two security guards stopped us when we got to the TSA gate and Amell didn’t have a ticket. He held up a TSA badge and told them to check his clearance with Jim Lewis, the Security director of Fort Lauderdale’s airport. They verified his ID and let us pass through.
Talk about boss status energy.
Here we were standing in the airport with me ready to board like a scene from a romance movie. Amell stood before me with the left side of his mouth curved into a sexy ass smirk, hands in the pockets of his jeans just looking all types of fine and dangerous. I never walked with my head held so high and chest poked out so much than I did walking next to him. People stared. Some were in amazement of his voluminous size. Others were downright afraid and went the other way. A few times he grunted seeing their frightened eyes. Then you had some fast ass females who tried to get his attention, but he paid them no mind at all.
“Give her a second chance. I may not agree with my parents 99% of the time but I’m glad I still have them, and this may be your second chance at having the relationship you really want. But if she means you harm, call me and I’ll handle her for you.” I winked, taking my bag out of his hand.
Feeling bold just by being in his presence, I stood on my tippy-toes and kissed his cheek. The hot girl inside of me screamed for me to lick his face and climb him like a tree. One thing I learned in these last three days by being home is that if I kept my mouth closed and responded without the dramatics, it caused others to be more open with me.
Amell opened up to me and though I’m sure he knew I crushed on him something crazy, I never wanted to give him the impression that he couldn’t come to me when he needed to talk. He probably had women his age after him, showing that I had nothing to offer him, and in retrospect I didn’t, but now I did. I had my ears to give. My attention. My unbiased attention and respect for him.