The little black dress with the matching heels, she wore it and looked amazing. Krishna and I hadn’t had any contact over the years. It was probably for the better that things remained that way, but that didn’t stop me from knowing her every move. Knowing who she entertained which hadn’t been anyone, surprisingly. Sending the books and DVDs was one thing, but the outfit, I knew she’d wear it if she thought it came from Noelani.
Krishna Gazelle made it hard to ignore her over the years no matter how hard I tried to. Stupidly I even entertained a shitty version of a relationship with Mahogany to see if I was even cut out for that type of commitment. That failed before a full week passed. Watching Krishna’s ambition over the years made me fall into this world I never wanted to visit.
I became a full blown out stalker by going to LA randomly to watch her from distances, and each time the wind blew too hard she’d look around like she smelled me. Our connection or whatever it was, I never understood it. I never understood why she refused to date. Why she waited for me.
When I sent Noelani to Barbados with Clover, I sent her up there to get information on why she had been feeling down. David had called me and said that she was depressed and crying all the time. I figured her talking with another woman would have her spilling the beans. That day came months later with Noelani calling me going off that I needed to stop playing with her friend’s emotions.
“Who the fuck is this?” After the first picture of Krishna in the silk black dress I kept swiping getting a heart full of her beauty until I stumbled on a picture dated a week ago of her and some square ass looking nigga.
She was smiling too hard and his hands were on my property. No, I didn’t own her but I owned her heart, that I knew I did.
“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Don’t ask questions that you aren’t prepared to hear the answers to, Amell.” Noelani had me ready to trip her ass on this hot as concrete. Since she refused to give me what I wanted I sent the pictures to my phone. “Hey, what are you doing?” She tried to grab her phone out my hand, but I was too tall.
“Who is he?” Before I started speculating, I needed her to confirm this man’s place in Krishna’s life. David hadn’t told me about her seeing anyone.
I swear I wanted to wipe that smirk off her face. “That man all hugged up on your woman is Krishna’s new man Garrett. We met him the night of her birthday dinner. OMG, Amell, it was so cute how he sent a bottle of wine to the table and then came over and introduced himself. His fine self-came over and looking like Shemar Moore. He even left his business card for her to call him, and my girl did. They’ve been going out now for two months. Guess he did what you’re afraid to do, go after what he wants.” She snatched her phone out my hand and twisted her narrow hips over to her driver.
“Oh, she’s going to meet his family this weekend down in Georgia. I think it’s his family reunion, and you know what comes after right?” She stood there by the door continuing to taunt me. Holding up her hand she pointed to the large glacier on her ring finger. “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” She giggled like that shit was funny. “What if he proposed? And she’s a virgin? I might even talk her into letting him pop her cherry.” Right when she saw my hand reaching for my gun she hopped in the truck.
Was I going to shoot her? Hell yes. Only in the foot or arm, but a bullet, nonetheless.
Her instigating the situation achieved whatever reaction she wanted to inflict in me. I felt jealous and angry. All these years I kept away from her because it was the right sensible thing to do. Feeling jealous over another man touching her. Introducing her to his family. Being the first to ever breach her walls…over my dead body.
Chapter 8
Krishna
My mother was right. Garrett turned out to be everything I ever wanted in a guy. We’ve been talking and dating for about two and a half months now. It took me three days to call him after he gave me his card and the only reason it took that long is because I had to really sit with myself and write out a pros and cons list. No matter how much I prayed for God to bring Amell back to me he never came and here we were. Year after year I sat waiting since that night wishing for him to come to me. Besides the gifts I got an empty bag of coal.
The pain I’ve felt over the years from loving a man who didn’t share my feelings was hard to deal with and even harder to swallow. I had no one to blame but myself. I’m the one who turned my crush into a damn lust driven obsession.
Women like me were laughed at and mocked. We loved a man who didn’t love us. That was a hard pill to digest and even a worst reality to live.
So, I called Garrett and threw caution to the wind. What could possibly happen by talking to him? Falling in love with a man that loved me back? Having a man cater to me how I wanted to cater to him? Be the center of his world like he was mine?
After David gave me a clean background report I called and asked him to meet me for tacos at my favorite food truck. I felt comfortable with him. All he had was a list of speeding tickets and one repossession from college. A normal human being. He was safe. He wasn’t a drug dealer or carried a Glock nine. His phone wouldn’t ring at all hours of the day and he wouldn’t push me to the side to go handle pickups from trap houses.
In such a short amount of time Garrett made me regret putting my heart on hold…kinda. While he was attentive and listened to me, that spark I felt the first day I met Amell wasn’t there, but he made me feel sexy and wanted. When I called, he answered. We had date night at least once a week, and though we were only in the beginning stages of our new relationship, I had no doubt in my mind that things would progress on the right path.
“I’m so late, Noe. Like so late.” Garrett asked me to meet his family. Initially I freaked out and wanted to decline his offer. Then he added that we’d have to travel to Macon, Georgia because it was his family reunion. I wanted to tell him hell no, but then I had to remember my list.
At the top of my list I had a man who put me first and never made me question where I stood in his life. Garrett was showing me all that and more. He wasn’t playing around, and he told me that. He said that we may be moving fast but he knew what he wanted and that was me. So, I agreed to go.
“You’re the only woman to wait three hours before their flight left to go to the mall and think they’d make it back in time. I guess LA traffic became better overnight, huh?”
“Keep your sarcasm to yourself. I needed to get me some lingerie.” The line grew quiet. Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, I removed my phone from my ear to make sure our call didn’t get disconnected. “Hello? Noelani?”
“Sooo, you plan on giving him some booty? When did you decide to pop the cherry with him?” The way she said him made me frown. Now all of a sudden, he wasn’t good enough to be my first?
“He’s been patient with me, Noelani.”
“As he should be, Krishna. It’s only been two months.”
“Look, I want to be intimate with a man. I want to be touched and pleased. I want all the things that Dominique gives you and more. Why am I not entitled to have those same wants?” I argued back.
“If anyone is routing for you to have those things it’s me. You deserve the world and I’ll never allow you to accept anything different. All I’m saying is, be sure this is the route you want to go. Once you give up the booty you can’t change the face of the man.”