“Knock knock. Is it safe to come in?” Oliver popped his head around the door, but I didn’t move from my spot.
“Did you hear?” I asked, assuming that was why he’d ventured in. The bed dipped, and I knew he was just a few feet away.
“I heard enough.” He placed his hand on my calf and rubbed my leg, coaxing me from my hiding position in Maddison’s pillow. “It wasn’t your fault he got into trouble. That’s all on him.”
“I know.” I sat up to look at Oliver. “I don’t understand why he got so mad at me, and now I feel like I’ve made things worse.” Tears stung my eyes, but I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of Oliver. It was a constant irritation around both of them.
“He’ll come around. He’s just…”
I looked up at him and searched his eyes for the rest of the sentence. It didn’t come and the tension built between us, smothering me once again. It was all too much, and the tears that were threatening started to swim before my eyes.
“Come here.” He opened his arms, and I crawled to him, desperate for him to take this feeling away. His arms wrapped around me, offering me solace and comfort, and I felt my heart thaw as if it had been locked in ice all these years, frozen in fear as to what to do for the best. Oliver felt like home, and I couldn’t help the little sigh that escaped from my mouth as he squeezed me tighter.
“Grace, Mum says dinner is…” Mads swung the door open and stopped, looking at us curled up on his bed.
“Nice. Thanks, man. Were you waiting until I left? You are such a loser.” He shook his head and looked at me as if I’d just betrayed him all over again. And the worse thing was, I felt like I had.
He turned and stomped down the stairs. “Mads, wait.” I pulled out of Oliver’s arms and immediately felt the cold chill of pain from hurting Mads’ feelings. Racing after him, I didn’t catch him but saw the back of the door close behind him.
“Hey, what’s going on? Dinner’s on the table.”
“Thank you, Vivien.” I looked at her, trying to hide the worry on my face that I’d done something foolish.
“Am I missing something?” she asked, as Oliver came down the stairs as well.
“Mads left,” Oliver said as he walked past us both into the kitchen.
We all took a seat at the table, but even the bubbly deliciousness of Vivien’s lasagne couldn’t stop me from thinking about Mads.
Oliver spent the entire time trying to catch my eye, but I did my best to ignore him, unable to look at him without feeling a tonne of guilt. Guilt because I had feelings for Oliver. And feelings for Maddison.
They were my everything, and it was naive to think I’d be able to keep this as simple friendship. I’d adored both of them since I was seven years old. They took away my pain, made me smile, and kept me strong. The only problem was you weren’t supposed to love two boys at the same time. And I’d never choose between them.
So, what could I do?
Chapter 9
Oliver Eighteen Years Old
I thought going away for University would be good. I’d get away from Maddison and the destructive brotherly love that had developed between us. We’d always struggled to see eye to eye, but now Grace stood between us and drove us towards hate. She didn’t mean to. She wanted those magic moments when we were kids and thought we could take over the world with our friendship. The time we spent together was like a balm to the friction that Maddison and I generated. We vied for her attention, but she also brought us together.
Our friendship had morphed into a toxic mess of lust, love, and hate, all veiled under a cloak of secrecy because if we acknowledged how each other felt, it would destroy us.
At least Maddison knew the problem—it was only Grace who refused to look at the reality we were facing. And every day that passed, the pain grew in her eyes, because she was stuck in the middle and didn’t know what to for the best. By us both being here, being brothers and in her life, we were the cause of her pain.
So, University was going to give us all a break. But I needed it the most. I’d fallen in love with Grace the moment I saw her. It wasn’t clear to me what I felt straight away, and by the time I understood the feeling, I knew I could never say anything or tell her how I felt. Getting away from her and Maddison would give me time to breathe. That’s what I hoped. That’s what I begged for at night. To have just a little bit of peace from the constant want that filled my body and my heart for an untouchable girl.
She saw me as her big brother. She saw both of us as brothers. She loved us in her own way, but she’d never choose one of us over the other. Not if it meant risking what she clung to so tightly—our friendship. And knowing that, felt like carrying on with a splinter through my heart every single day, the pain, a dull ache at best, but then, sometimes, it caught me off guard and stabbed me through the chest and crippled me.
Maddison wouldn’t have a problem trying something with her. Hell, he’d been pushing me out of the picture every chance he got for the last few years, but I worried it was because he wanted to win Grace from me, rather than actually loving her. And I wasn’t going to ask what his intentions were.
But leaving turned out to be the worst decision. It drove me mad. Being hundreds of miles away ripped a part of my heart out, and I wasn’t strong enough to go through that.
“Do you have to go?” Grace moaned as I packed my gear into my car and slammed the door.
“Afraid so.”
“I swear, Oliver, what does York have that Bristol, Bath, or Cardiff doesn’t?” She placed her hands on her hips, taunting me. And all I could think about was those hips—her hands. And what I wouldn’t give to kiss her like I’d done countless times in my dreams.
“I’ll be back for the holidays.”
“The holidays. What about every other day? I’m losing my best friend. You’re going off to have fun and start a new life, and I’ll be here without you.”
“You’ll have me, don’t worry, Grace.” Maddison piped up, and I just about held my shit together. He put an arm around Grace’s shoulder, and I had to grind my teeth to keep from yelling. Because all I could see for the next three years, was them growing closer without me. Mads wouldn’t hesitate to ‘claim’ Grace. And I wasn’t sure I was ready to give her up—not that she was mine—I only wished she were.
Mum and Dad had left in their car ahead of me and would be driving back after all my stuff was sorted. I just needed to say goodbye to Grace and leave.
Drive off.
Go.
And not think of Mads on his own with her.
“Text me when you arrive.” Grace stepped out of Mads’ grip and into mine. I wrapped my arms around her and breathed her in as my lips skimmed the soft chocolate strands of her hair. I kissed her temple, unable to resist, and my lips lingered for a moment longer than they should have.
“I will. And take care of you. Phone me whenever you want, okay. I might not be next door, but I’m still your best friend.” I kept my words soft and for Grace only. I watched Mads as he looked on, impatient for me to get going.
“I’ll miss you so much,” she mumbled as she clutched me with her arms.