“Mads!” Mum called up to me. “Grace is here.”
“Okay!” I knew she’d make her own way. She’d been coming in and out of our rooms since we were kids.
“Hey,” she greeted as she came in. “Are you going out?” She looked at my damp hair, her eyes trickling down to my chest for just a moment longer than they should. I fucking loved it.
“No. Just showered, that’s all.” I turned away and sat at the chair by my desk.
“Right.”
“But we could go out if you wanted? Grab something to eat in town?” I knew Grace would say no, but it never stopped me from asking.
“I’m good. And your sports science homework is due tomorrow. If you’ve done it, we can go?” She raised her brows at me, and her mouth ticked up into a grin. Her eyes shone, and I tried to focus on what we were talking about rather than her mouth.
“Well?” she prompted, snapping me back to what I should be thinking about. She had me, and she knew it. What the hell did I know about why muscles fatigued? All I knew was they did, especially when I pushed past the pain at the gym.
Grace did biology and could explain all about the respiratory and muscle systems I needed to look at to complete my homework. The reason I’d taken this subject was to help with playing sports, and there wasn’t anything else I could see myself studying. Didn’t think it would be so fucking complicated though.
“You win. You win,” I protested and resisted the urge to tackle her to my bed and kiss those lips. It was an ongoing fight I had with myself, every damn day, and I was proud of my fucking win rate. Every time we were together, that’s what I played out in my head—the image of her lips parting, her pupils dilating, and my hands running through her long hair before I kissed her and gave into fucking years of temptation and restraint. But I shoved those urges down.
Deep.
She popped onto my bed and took her biology book from her bag.
My eyes ran over her, and I watched the shape of her mouth and the colour of her eyes. The flash that had distracted me a moment ago had faded already, and the bright blue seemed flat. It reminded me of the words Oliver had planted in my head.
“Are you happy?” The words were out before I could stop them. I guessed dwelling on things for weeks didn’t help.
“Yes, why would you ask that?” She frowned, but her body stiffened. The colour in her cheeks pinked like she was embarrassed. It was the same face I saw when I caught her looking at me.
“I need you to be happy. And be honest if you’re not.” My eyes studied hers and saw the blue brighten as she moved in the light. The colour reminded me of clear waters or lakes. But she couldn’t hide everything from me, not this close, and I could see the worry just below the surface. It would be so easy for me to take that away. Lean forward and pull her against my lips. Instead, I brushed a lock of her hair over her ear so she couldn’t pull away from me. “I know we’re not much for heart-to-hearts. But I’m here for you.”
“I know you are. You always are,” she mumbled towards the ground, having dropped our eye contact.
“So?” I lifted her chin, wanting her to see me as someone she could share her thoughts with as well as her smarts—to see that it wasn’t just Oliver who could talk to her.
“It’s… nothing, really. At least it isn’t something I can put my finger on and pinpoint.”
“So, there is something that’s bugging you?” A flash of heat burned my chest as I guessed the possibilities. All of them involved her feelings for Oliver, and I knew I’d hate him even more than I already did if she admitted them.
“Do you remember when we all camped out in your garden?” Her face lit up as she talked.
“Sure.”
She took my hand in hers and turned it over, clasping it in between hers. “And the promise we made?”
“To be friends.”
“It was more than that, at least it felt like that to me. It was our pact, to always stay together, to be friends together. The three of us.”
“We are friends.” I didn’t know where she was going with this, but I did feel my palm burning at her touch, igniting my blood and setting my heart off.
“Really? Oliver is away, and when he’s home, we don’t hang out. We don’t talk, and we never do any of the stuff we used to.”
“What, ride bikes, climb trees, and have picnics? Come on, Grace. We’ve grown up.”
“Yes, we have. But that doesn’t mean we can’t spend time together and talk? Go to our tree and listen to music or just get out of the house, does it?”
She had a point. She’d also forgotten the fact that Oliver and I were at each other’s throats most of the time because we both wanted Grace to be more than just a friend.
She kept my hand wrapped in hers and looked down where our skin touched. “I want that magic we shared to continue. I don’t want to be stuck missing one of you, or having to share the other, or balance myself between you. I want it to be easy like it was.” She levelled her gaze, and I saw why the sadness was there, and I wanted to fucking rip that shadow from her forever.
Her hand pulled away, breaking our contact, and she collapsed back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “When did life get so complicated?”
“I don’t think it is.” I laid on the bed, her body pressed against mine on one side. I kept my breathing calm and stopped my stupid mind playing out scenarios because we were both lying on my bed. I sent a prayer of thanks to Mum for getting me a double when I turned sixteen.
She didn’t answer and just kept staring.
All I could hear was the hum of electricity spitting between us, as we both stayed rigid and still.
“You spend too much time in your own head.” I twisted towards her and ignored the air around us. “You haven’t played netball in years. You have your job, and you have us. Maybe you just need something else to focus on.”
“Like your sport.”
“Sure.”
“And girlfriends?” she continued, but it was my turn to furrow my brow into a frown. I looked down at her as she moved her eyes towards mine, the question written all over her face.
“I don’t have girlfriends. You’re my only girlfriend.” The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it because I would fucking love to call her that finally.
“But we’re not actually girlfriend and boyfriend.” Her eyes popped wide in alarm. I didn’t say anything and let the words settle to see what she made of them. This was new territory for us. Hell, I’d only wanted to know she was happy, not ask her to be my girlfriend, although I wasn’t going to say no.
“I don’t… we aren’t…” She stumbled through the start of her sentence before she got up from the bed and grabbed her bag. “I think I should go.”
“No, why? Come on, Grace, it’s just a word. It doesn’t mean anything. You’re a girl and my friend. That’s it.”
She turned to wait at my door. “Is it though?”
I wasn’t sure what she was saying or asking. At least, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure. What I wanted it to mean was that she acknowledged there was something between us, and I wanted her to be my girlfriend. The fact that I’d never had a girlfriend was down to her. Sure, there were girls at parties and stuff. They were happy to suck my face thinking they’d get to hang off my arm and get the kudos around school, but that never happened. I loved Grace more than any other girl I’d ever meet.