Although all those thoughts ran through my head, I didn’t say anything. I let the moment hang in the air between us—unspoken. And I could see that she felt it too. Her hand was resting on the door, her other, wrapped tightly around her bag strap as if holding onto it was a matter of life or death.
She felt the same way. I’d bet my fucking life on it.
There was just one thing to take care of.
Oliver.
He stood in the way. He was confusing her, mixing her feelings up and causing trouble, as always.
She shook her head and walked through the door, her decision made. Her feet bounced down the stairs, and a few moments later, I heard her leave.
“Fucking great.”
I barely caught a glimpse of Grace over the next few weeks. She hardly spoke to me when we were at work, and she didn’t come over as freely as she used to. It was like that stupid fucking conversation had put a physical wall between us. And it made me fucking mad. I spent as much time as I could at the gym so that I wouldn’t throttle something at home.
Zuri was there a couple of times and gave me some pointers. His instruction helped channel my rage towards something. Turns out, I was good at following his drills. It wasn’t hard. Watch what he did, do it myself, and repeat until I felt like I was going to hurl.
“You’re good. Now you need to fuel that body as well as work it. Protein powder, good diet, sleep,” Zuri told me. The next time we met, he had a container of some power crap I was supposed to drink with milk or water.
“It will make you bigger. Stronger. If you want a shot, you do this.”
So, I did.
As the weeks drew on and the Grace-shaped gap in my life became too fucking big, I filled it with everything Zuri told me to do. My studies suffered, mostly because Grace wasn’t there to translate what I had to do and give me the motivation I needed. But right now, I didn’t care.
My body was already changing. It wasn’t like I grew muscle overnight—more that I could feel the difference in my body. I wasn’t so tired, my recovery from each session was quicker, and my strength was improving. Zuri seemed happy about that, but he didn’t let up and kept pushing me at the gym.
All the time at the gym, the questions about Grace mounted and became harder to ignore. I fucking missed her. It wasn’t fair, and I knew I couldn’t cope much longer with the cold shoulder treatment.
At least Oliver was away. If he were still here, there was no way I’d allow him to fill up her time while we figured this out. And we would—I knew we would. She was a part of my life and always would be. She just had to figure out if she was brave enough to admit her feelings or not, and if she needed a helping hand from me? Well, perhaps I’d left it long enough.
Chapter 11
Grace 17 Years Old
It was getting close to the end of the school year. The sun was a more constant comfort, the light stretching later into the evening, making me long to be out with my friends rather than stuck inside studying.
Maddison was still around. He was the shadow I never wanted to shake—at work and at school. It was just… different between us now. At least, I felt different. The possibility of more between us spoken aloud, even if brushed over, was now out in the open, and it made my gut clench with guilt. Because as soon as I’d pictured a future where I was Maddison’s girlfriend, my heart kicked up a beat as I thought of Oliver and that same heart struck me with pain. It was my personal prison of feelings—inescapable yet also undeniable.
Giving Maddison the silent treatment was such a childish and selfish thing to do. And it was hurting me just as much as it was hurting him. I’d walked up to him a number of times but couldn’t break the ice—the only time in our history that I didn’t know what I wanted to say or what to do.
He’d always been the one to make me feel brave—able to take leaps of faith because I knew, deep down, that he’d always catch me. That was who Maddison was to me.
So why couldn’t I do that now? Just apologise, move on, and hope that we could repair the damage?
It would be my eighteenth birthday in the summer, and I set that as my timeline. I had to make sure everything was back to normal by then, even if normal hurt like hell.
“Sweetie, are you okay?” Mum popped her head around the door to my bedroom, disturbing Bob from his settled position at the crook of my arm.
“Sure.” I dropped my eyes back down to the pages of my book, although I knew there was more to her visit.
“It’s just… you’ve been rather quiet of late. And I wondered if there was anything on your mind? Anything you wanted to clear up?”
“No. I’m fine, thank you.”
I spied her hesitancy at leaving over the edge of my book. “Have you thought any more about driving lessons? You were so keen, but now, you’re not doing anything. Just moving between school and work. You don’t even see the boys anymore.”
“Oliver’s away at Uni, Mum. I can’t pick and choose when I see him.”
“Well, Maddison then. You were getting on fine and now, nothing. I know I must be crazy for saying this, but really, there’s more to life than schoolwork.”
“Mum, please, stop fussing. I have to study if I want the best opportunity of getting into Uni.” I put the fantasy novel down and hoped she didn’t pick up on the fact that half the time I wasn’t even doing my work.
“Well, about that. Have you thought any further about where you want to go?” She perched on the edge of the bed.
I sat up, resigned to the conversation we were now having. “Well, maybe Nottingham or perhaps London. I’m still thinking about it.”
“Not something closer?”
“I don’t know, Mum. We’ve been to visit a few, and I’ve already put in my UCAS application.”
“Just, why don’t you think of somewhere closer to home? There are plenty of opportunities.”
“Mum!”
“Okay, okay. Dinner will be about ten minutes.”
I stroked Bob, wondering how he’d cope when I went but tried not to dwell. That was all I was doing lately, and it got me nowhere fast.
All the talk of the future and moving away reminded me of Oliver.
Hey! You busy?
I fired off the text and hoped he answered quickly.
Nope. What’s up? Everything ok?
Sure. Just thinking about what Uni I want to go to. Mum’s been sneaking in suggestions close to home.
There’s nothing wrong with that. And I speak from experience. But at the end of the day, you need to do what’s right for you.
I think about his words for a moment.
Thanks for the advice. When are you home? I have a favour to ask.
Saturday. Are you working? And what can I do for you?
I gave up on the texting and just phoned Oliver instead. “Hey, will you teach me to drive? Just the basics?” I jumped in with the favour.
“I thought you were having lessons?”
“No, just something I haven’t got around to. So?”
“Well, yeah. Sure.”
“Great! Thank you. It will be good to see you.” The wistfulness was clear in my voice, and I didn’t have the strength to hide it.