My heart pounded, and a knot of nerves sat in my stomach as I phoned the two local hospitals for recent admissions. But nothing. I couldn’t bear to call the police and report him missing, but I wasn’t sure if I had any other choice.
And then I thought of all the hurtful things we’d said to each other, and I was pulled deeper into despair, my heart cracking and splintering off, and I wondered if I’d ever have a full heart again.
There was still one person I’d not asked for help—Vivien. We used to be close, well, we used to see each other often, and she was like a second mother to me. It was funny that since being with Maddison, I’d hardly seen them. Whether I specifically shut them out because Maddison and I were a couple now, I didn’t know. But I did know that I missed the way things were before all of this.
Before the fighting.
Because if I’d said before us, then that meant we’d failed, and all my fears about Maddison and I being more than friends would be realised. And despite how bad things were, I couldn’t think that way. I wasn’t ready for that.
Vivien’s car was in the drive, so I knocked on the door, desperate to see a friendly face.
“Hello, there, stranger.” She opened the door with such a warm smile. I couldn’t help but feel better the instant she looked at me.
“Hey, sorry for just dropping in like this.”
“Don’t be silly. You’re always welcome.”
“Thank you.” I stepped inside and cast my eyes around for any sign of Maddison, but I didn’t see anything. Just clean and clear work surfaces—everything in its place. Just like it always was.
She led me through to the kitchen and headed to fill the kettle. “So, it’s been a while. I was hoping that when you and Maddison started dating, I’d see more of you, not less.” She rubbed my arm as she retrieved the cups.
“I’m sorry. I guess I got caught up in everything and didn’t realise. How are you? I think I’ve nearly mastered your lasagne recipe.” I tried to make light conversation.
“Well, I’m glad to hear that. We’re good. It’s quiet, but we keep ourselves busy.” She paused, her eyes drifting off to somewhere out of the window and I knew she was thinking about both of her sons.
I’d shut Oliver from my mind for so long, out of self-preservation as well as respect for Maddison, that the thought of him seemed almost alien. Standing here, and seeing Vivien, showed me how lonely I’d become without even realising.
We took a seat around the table. “So, how’s Mads? The last he told us, he was taking you out for your birthday.” The casual glance to my left hand wasn’t discreet, and I pulled my hands back into my lap and left the cup of tea on the table.
“It was a lovely evening. Not too many occasions to get all dressed up like that. But I do miss your birthday cakes.”
“Well, you have nobody but yourself to blame there, kiddo. There will always be cake for your birthday, but only if you’re here.” She giggled at me.
“Thank you. That means so much to me.” Her words hit me with a sense of belonging that had been missing in the last few months between Mads and me.
“You’ve always been a part of the family. It’s a shame we don’t get to see you so much anymore.”
“I’ll make sure I change that. No matter what,” I tagged onto the end, but not quietly enough.
“Oh? Everything okay?” She shifted her position and leaned forward.
“Mads hasn’t been home for a few days. Has he been here?” I blurted it out.
“No, we’ve not seen him in weeks. Is everything okay?” Her worry sparked off my own fear about what could have happened to him. Those worries in my head were fast building credence like a snowball running away downhill.
“I think he’s just avoiding me, but I wish he’d just talk.” I sounded as exacerbated as I felt.
“Did you have a fight?”
I nodded but gave Vivien an innocent smile.
“Couples fight all the time. And we both know how he can be.”
“You mean, angry?” I asked, not entirely sure which trait she was referring to. With Maddison, it could have been many.
“Well, yes. But I meant that moody nature he’s always had. Even as a small child, he wanted everything on his own terms. He had to be the best, the bravest, the most popular. It caused problems between both of them so many times.” She shook her head as if she was still reprimanding them.
I remembered that. They would fight over anything and everything, but then be the best of friends in the blink of an eye. “I remember.” The problem was, I wanted that back: the easy, carefree friendship that sustained me—us—for years.
“He’d always be so single-minded.” She drifted off again as if she was remembering something. A tear shimmered in her eye, but she turned away to hide it from view before it had a chance to fall.
“Silly me, getting all nostalgic like that.” She cleared the tea mugs to the sink.
“Is everything okay?” This wasn’t the Vivien I used to know.
“Yes, it’s nothing. Back to you and Maddison. I’m sure he’ll work this out. You know how much he adores you.” Vivien looked at me with a hopeful smile.
“I know he does.” I stopped short of filling in the rest of my concerns. If this were just about how much we loved each other, things wouldn’t be a problem.
“There’s a but coming, isn’t there.” I worried that she’d see right through me to the doubts I had if I started opening up, so I told a little white lie.
“I’m just worried about him. It’s the second time he’s done this.”
“I’ll reach out to him. Tell him he needs to watch how he’s treating you.”
“No, no, I don’t need you to do that. That’s not what I wanted when I came here. But I thought you should know, and that maybe you could help?” I stood and inched myself to the door. The atmosphere had grown awkward like we were both skirting around the issue at hand.
Before I made it to the door, Vivien grabbed me and pulled me to her, wrapping me in her arms.
“Oh, Grace. I’m so sorry he’s putting you through this. Don’t give up on him. He loves you so very deeply. If anyone can make him see sense, it’s you.”
“See sense?” I asked, pulling back from her embrace. Did she know what Maddison had got mixed up in?
“Treating you right, behaving, the usual Maddison things. That’s all I meant.” She tried to cover up her slip, but it was too late.
“Do you know what he’s involved in?” My lips quivered around the words like if I admitted them, they’d suddenly mean more.
“We have had our suspicions. He won’t admit anything to us outright, and he’s not been here in weeks. But with what you’ve said, and what he’s like in general, we can put the pieces together.”
“What should I do?” I asked, suddenly finding the question that I’d wanted help to answer all along.
“Oh, darling. I can’t answer that for you.” She took my hands in hers. “And I wish I could say for you to follow your heart, but I know that’s never been easy.” Vivien didn’t need to mention his name. I knew who she meant. “All I’ll ever ask is for you to try. It’s never been easy for him, and you’ve been such an important part of his life. But he has a stubborn streak that’ll be the death of him if he’s not careful.”