“Neither are you by refusing treatment and then on top of that going away without me.”
Balling her hands into fists, I knew that Paige was gearing up for a fight. I did not want to spend the time that we had left fighting with her.
Placing my hand on top of her fist, I felt the fight that was building up in her start to drain from her body. Her shoulders relaxed a bit and so did the hard look that she was wearing. “Let me do something.” The defeat in her voice was enough to make a grown man cry. She knew that she wasn’t going to change my mind and was starting to accept it.
“Help me plan this trip,” I asked as I gave her hand a weak squeeze. I don’t know why I suddenly felt tired and weak; I hadn’t done anything that should have made me feel like I was.
Standing up on visibly shaky legs, “Let me get you something to eat while you get dressed.” Making her way to the doorway, “The gray sweater that my mother sent you for Christmas is hanging up in the laundry room. I will grab it on my way back for you.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I said as I stood up slowly and started making my way to the closet for some sweats and a t-shirt.
“I know that, you dork.” I smiled at the playfulness that was slowly returning to Paige. I know that she has been hit with a lot to process and I am not making it any easier with my refusal of medical treatment or my decision to live out my childhood bucket list without her. Taking a deep breath and looking around the bedroom, I realized that this was the way that things had to be.
“Bring your laptop too,” I called out to Paige as the familiar pain in my stomach returned, causing me to double over and fall to the floor.
Chapter Six
A Week Later
“Where are you going?” Paige questioned as she stood in my doorway with her arms crossed. She seemed to have become my new shadow and I know that she is worried about me, but I need space.
“Well, right now I am packing,” I teased. I hoped that my joke would lighten the mood, but from the look on Paige’s face I knew that I had failed. Putting the shirt down that I was folding, I walked over to the woman that has been a sister to me ever since the first day that we met. I know that I am breaking her heart and scaring her, but I have to do this for me. I have to take control of my life and live it the best way that I know how. “Please don’t be angry with me,” I asked. I knew that I had no right to ask this of her. Especially now that I have decided to leave and see the world.
“You can’t just up and leave. We need to go back to see Dr. Sullivan and get you on a treatment plan,” Paige said with tears streaming down her face.
Wrapping her up in a hug, “This is my time to live. Please don’t be mad.” I needed her to be okay with my decisions. Pulling away from her, “You were the one who started me on this journey with that notebook.”
“I wish that I would have never pulled it out,” Paige huffed as she made her way into my room. Standing at the foot of my bed, she started folding the clothes that were strewn all about. Turning to face me, she placed the shirt that she was holding into the half-packed suitcase that was laying open on the floor. “You don’t have to do this alone. I can come with you.”
“No way! I cannot and will not ask you to put your life on hold to follow me around as I cross off some of the things on my bucket list,” I said as I marched to Paige’s side and started helping her pack my clothes. “I need to do this for me, and you need to stay here and live your life.”
“This is going to be the last time that I see you, isn’t it?” Paige whispered as she placed another shirt into my suitcase.
“I don’t know,” I admitted as I watched her continue to pack my clothes for me. “I know that there is more life for me to see outside of this sleepy little town and I am going to see as much of it while I still can.” As I stood next to my best friend, I waited for Paige to continue her fight to get me to let her come with me. I didn’t want that for her. I didn’t want her to spend the rest of my days taking care of me. I knew that if she came with me, I would be a burden for her.
Taking a deep breath and focusing her gaze on my open suitcase, “Promise that you will call every single day to let me know how you are doing.”
“I am going to call you so much, you are going to think I am still in this room,” I promised as I felt my own tears start to fall from my eyes.
“Do you have enough medicine to hold you over until you get settled?” Looking around my room for my bottle of pills, Paige let her own tears start to fall.
“I have enough to last me a while,” I informed her.
“I’m not ready to say goodbye to you,” Paige softly said as she turned her back to me.
“You will never have to say goodbye to me,” I informed her as I made my way to her. I knew exactly what I was doing to her and I hated myself for it. “Promise me that after I am gone, you will not miss me.”
“What?”
“I need to know that you will not spend your time mourning what should have been for us,” I said as the tears started to pick up speed rolling down my cheeks. Not even bothering to wipe them, I waited for Paige to promise me that she would be okay.
After what felt like forever, “That is the dumbest thing you have ever said to me.” The laugh that followed mended my broken heart and I knew that she was going to be just fine after I took my final breath.
*****
“What time does your plane leave?” Paige asked as she pulled her car into a parking spot right outside of the sliding glass doors of Allenville Regional Airport. Turning to look at me, she popped the trunk and undid her seatbelt.
“Umm, where do you think you are going? We said our ‘see you laters’ back at the apartment.” I informed her as I undid my seatbelt and reached into the back seat for my carry-on bag.
“I am helping you with your bags. I will leave once you are all checked in and situated.” Unlocking and opening the driver’s side door, Paige left the vehicle and me while she made her way to the open trunk.
“You just don’t listen!” I huffed, wishing that she would have just stuck with the plan.
“I heard you!” she screamed at me as she slammed the trunk down. “You are out of your mind if you think I am going to leave you at the entrance of the airport with all this stuff. Making her way around the vehicle, she stopped in front of the sliding doors of the airport and waited for me to get out of the car. “You better hurry up or you will miss your flight!”
“Yes mother!” I sassed as I climbed out of the car. Slamming the door behind me, I looked at Paige with the biggest smile I could muster. “Off to new adventures.” I really wished that my voice didn’t shake and give away how I was truly feeling.
“Are you feeling okay?” Paige asked, dropping my luggage and rushing to my side. “Do I need to call Dr. Sullivan?”
“I’m fine!” I said, waving my arms in the air. “Will you please calm down. I am not going to drop dead right here.” Instantly regretting my choice of words, “I’m sorry.”
Taking a deep breath and giving me a quick hug, “Come on. That plane is not going to wait for you to stop being an ass.”