Warren and Heather stared at one another. They were clearly having a silent mental conversation.
It dawned on me that I hadn’t adequately expressed my feelings. “No, wait a minute. It’s not like that. We’re talking about Ame as though she’s a thing we have to hand off, but that’s not it at all. It’s not who will take her. I want her. I want to be a dad to her. I want to teach her how to read, and throw a baseball, and cook a mean eggplant parmesan. I want to drop her off on her first day of kindergarten and be the one to go to parent teacher conferences. I feel in my heart that drool-dlebug is supposed to be with me.”
Heather was eyeing me with an odd expression. “What if Jenny comes back and tries to claim parental rights? It could get messy. Jenny’s our daughter, and despite our disappointment with her right now, we will never turn our backs on her no matter how misguided she is, and Ame is our granddaughter. We’re all family.”
“I’d never keep Jenny away from Ame, or vice versa, unless it was in Ame’s best interest.” I had little hope that Jenny would see the light anytime soon, and in the meanwhile, Ame deserved a good life with a parent who loved and truly wanted her. “We’ll figure that out if we get there.”
The reality of the situation settled over us and I found myself sinking into the chair across from Warren. Resting my hands on the table, I sighed. “Life throws curveballs.”
“Yeah.” Warren barked a laugh. “It sure does.” Then, he looked longingly over at the liquor cabinet they kept locked up tight and sighed again. “I’d kill for a whiskey.”
Heather kissed the side of his head and sat down beside him. “No.”
Warren shook his head and looked back at me. “For a subject change, tell us about this mate and why you won’t be with her because she’s human.”
Heather’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, tell us about that.”
I held my hands up. “Not much to tell. She’s not right for me.” The lie didn’t feel great. “It is what it is. She’s gone and I don’t know where she went. Easy as that.”
“What’s wrong with a human mate?” Warren grunted. “Besides the obvious.”
Heather watched the way Warren gestured to his beat down body and her eyes narrowed as she looked back at me. “Yes, Mac. Tell us why you’re not willing to mate with a human.”
I growled. “You know why.”
Warren looked between us and then scoffed. “Me? You won’t take a human mate because of me?”
“He means because you got sick.” Heather scowled and stood up. Marching over to the liquor cabinet, she grabbed the whiskey and took a long pull from it. “You’re really that big of a chickenshit?”
Warren stared at the bottle, but spoke to me. “That’s fucked. Your sister and I have had worlds together before this. You know that. You saw some of them.”
Heather slammed the cabinet shut and glared at me. “You rejected her because you’re afraid.”
“I couldn’t do this, Heather.” I swallowed and looked away. “I wouldn’t be strong enough.”
“If you don’t go after your mate, you’re a fool.” Warren wheeled himself away from the table. “Come on, Heather. Bedtime.”
“You’ll never forgive yourself if you waste more of the time you could have with her, Hamish. I promise you that.” Heather shook her head, her disappointment in me palpable.
I rubbed my chin, then bent over and scooped up Ame. “I need to get her to bed. We can talk more tomorrow.”
They didn’t argue with me as I collected the baby and her toys. Holding Ame against my chest, I felt tears prick my eyes. Ame’d been rejected and abandoned by her mother because Jenny was a selfish brat. I didn’t miss that irony that Mel had also been rejected and abandoned. All because I was scared to death.
22
Mac
Between Ame, my wolf, and missing Mel, I was a basket case.
After putting Ame down to sleep, I sank into my couch. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d felt so exhausted. Exhausted and unable to sleep. I was barely eating.
My days were filled with an unhappy baby whose life was undergoing a lot of changes. Somewhere along the line, she seemed to have started blaming me. Or maybe I was just the closest one around as she acted out. She growled at me all the time and had recently taken to biting me.
If you think a small mouth with only a three teeth didn’t hurt, think again. Those little bites stung, but they hurt my feelings even more. All her little baby frustrations seemed to be coming out at me. I had broad shoulders, I could take it. I only wished I could take all of her burden. It wasn’t right that a little one her age should have anything to cry about except to let me know it was time to eat or change her diaper. I only wished I could take on all her anger and frustrations for her, or that I could communicate to her—let her know that from here on out, I would be her rock. I’d never let her down.
My wolf was another bone of contention. He was still not playing fair. He fought constantly. He stopped refusing to shift and now I struggled against uncontrolled shifts—and at the most inopportune times. No matter how much I told myself it was crazy, I couldn’t help wondering if they were both mad at me for the same thing. I missed Mel too. I could still smell her in my house.
It was late, later than Ame should’ve been up, and I couldn’t stop feeling the worst loneliness creeping over me. It felt like I would be that way forever. The thought of missing Mel this much for the rest of my life gave me chills.
The more time passed, the more my decision made less and less sense. I didn’t know how I could go on feeling the way I did. I’d shunned my mate. Every day was just an exact replica of the day before. I got up feeling crushed, took care of Ame feeling crushed, went to bed feeling crushed. I worried that I’d been wrong. Even as I thought it, though, I felt the same panic I’d felt the night she’d passed out. I’d been helpless. She could die right in front of me from a cold gone wrong. Humans were so weak.
I sat forward and held my head in my hands. I had to do something. I had to at least check on her. Not knowing how she was doing since she’d left the island was killing me.
Even though I felt like I was breaking the rules I’d set for myself, I pulled out my phone and dialed McClintock. She answered on the second ring and grunted. “Mac. What do you want?”
Groveling had never been my style. “I need your new boyfriend’s number.”
Silence for several seconds. “Is this about Mel?”
“I just need to talk to Ben.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“No. I’m just… I just need to talk to Ben.” I blew out a rough breath. “Okay, yes, it is about Mel. I need to see if she’s okay.”
“Newsflash, dumbfuck, she’s not. Her mate rejected her. You men. I swear the only purpose y’all wear your heads around is to make you look taller.” She growled. “I’ll text you his number.”
I hung up and waited for the text. As soon as it came through, I dialed Ben’s number. I couldn’t wait after deciding I was going to check on her.