Ben answered, sounded confused. “Yeah?”
“Ben. It’s Mac.” I started to say more, but he went from zero to furious, protective cousin instantly.
“Oh, you fucker. Why are you calling me? Trying to make sure you did a thorough job of fucking my cousin over?”
I grunted. “How is she?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He swore. “Mel is great. Fantastic. She’s back with her ex and they’re talking about marriage.”
I was on my feet, furious. My wolf howled in my head. “No, she is not.”
“No, she isn’t. She’s pouting and mopey and mourning you, for some god-forsaken reason. She’s fucking depressed as hell and with every single wedding she sings at, it gets worse. Happy? Or you want to hear more of the gory details of how you snuck out in the middle of the night and trashed a good woman?”
I sank back onto the couch. “No. I don’t want to hear that.”
“Then why are you calling me?”
I searched for the words I wanted to say, but none of them were meant for Ben. They were all for my mate. “I don’t know.”
“Then fuck off.” He hung up on me and left me reeling, wondering what the fuck I was doing.
My phone rang and I answered it, hoping it was Ben again, with advice. “Yeah.”
“How’s Ame?” Heather’s voice was soft and I knew that Warren was sleeping near her.
“Sleeping. I’m pretty sure she hates me.”
“Get used to it. That’s par for the course when you have a kid.” She sighed. “The lawyer in Seattle called. Jenny stopped in and signed the papers relinquishing parental rights. It’s just a matter of the formal adoption going through the courts, which should only take a matter of weeks.”
I walked over to Ame’s crib and looked down at the sleeping little drool-dlebug who had me wrapped around her little finger. “I’ll never understand her.”
“Everyone makes mistakes, Mac. This is Jenny’s. I hope she’ll wake up and see that one day.” She released a wobbly sigh and cleared her throat. “I really thought she might change her mind and come home.”
“I’m sorry, Heather.” I quietly backed out and closed the door to Ame’s bedroom. I sank down on the living room couch. “Just tell me what and when and I’ll be there.”
She hesitated. “There’s something else.”
I didn’t like the way she sounded. Had she and Warren changed their stance about supporting me in adopting Ame? A terror snaked through me. I would always be Ame’s biological great uncle, and I would be in her life regardless, but I had my heart set on being a dad to her.
“What is it, Heather? I hope you and Warren aren’t offended by how happy I am that Ame’s going to officially be mine. I know this is tough for you.”
“Actually Warren and I are thrilled. We think you are just what Ame needs, and we know we’ll still get to be doting grandparents to our granddaughter.”
“Of course. So, you said there was something else?”
“You’re not gonna like this. But we talked about it, and if you want our full support, we need you to go to Melody and repair the damage you’ve done.” She sighed. “Before it’s too late.”
My chest tightened. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t play dumb with me. You know what I mean. You’re so afraid of causing pain and so hung up on trying to prevent it, that in the process, that’s exactly what you’re doing—causing pain. To both of you. All three of you.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Don’t I?”
I shook my head even though she couldn’t see. “Look at you, Heather. I have a hard time accepting that you truly believe that. You’ve been through hell. You and Warren both. You’re suffering. Don’t tell me you’re not. I know you are.”
“Yes, of course, you see us suffering through a difficult time, sure. What you don’t see are the moments I have with Warren when no one else is around. The way we still get to cuddle in bed, or the way we spend hours talking while we’re waiting around for his appointments. We’ve never been closer.”
“But… I mean… What if… Er…”
“What if he dies?”
I was startled by how easily she said it. “Yes.”
“If he dies, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll die right along with him. And if I don’t, I’m fairly certain that at least a major part of me will go with him. We’re a pair. He’s my other half. Without him, I will be lost. But nothing in life is guaranteed. I’m grateful for ever second I’ve gotten to spend with my mate. Everybody dies. Most of us don’t know if it’ll be today, tomorrow, ten years from now, or 50 years from now.”
She let out a sigh. “Hamish, I know you’ve seen so much suffering. I know those years of being on duty, fighting fires and working as an EMT in Cleveland you’ve seen some horribly tragic sites. People suffering unimaginable losses, but I want to ask you something. Let’s say these are my mates last days, do you think that if I could go back and do it again, knowing what I know now, and how it all ended, I’d do it differently?”
“Heather, I see the new lines on your face, the circles under your eyes, the fatigue written in your posture—”
“In. A. Heartbeat.”
“What?”
“As much as this illness sucks, and it does, I wouldn’t trade the pain of watching the man I love suffer for one single second of the time I’ve spent with Warren. Not a single second. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. You know why?”
I grunted in response to her question.
“IT WAS WORTH IT!”
It was worth it?
“We don’t always get to choose what happens to us in life, but five minutes of sheer bliss is worth 100 years of nothing special. Because it’s those moments of bliss that make life worth living. You are not a coward, Hamish.”
I growled. “It’s not about being a coward.”
“Yeah, it is. You’re too scared of what might happen to enjoy the good fortune that is happening. You let me know when you’ve made an honest attempt at winning your mate back, and then we’ll talk about Warren and I supporting you through the adoption process.”
“You’re serious?”
“Very. Go and find your bliss, Hamish MacGregor.”
I stared at my phone after Heather hung up, my heart beating out a painful rhythm. Then, my stomach roiling, I dialed Ben back. As soon as he answered, I jumped in. “Don’t hang up.”
23
Mel
The wedding of Brandi and Nathan Hill went off without a hitch. Or maybe I should say with a hitch since they got hitched.
They were dancing and eating and celebrating their sacred union of ‘til death do them part, and reveling in the merriment along with family, friends, and well-wishers.
I stood before a microphone trying to control my pout reflex as I witnessed yet another wedding reception. Another loving couple was fawning over one another while I stood with a gaping wound where my heart used to be.