I start looking around, checking rooms and supply closets, but there’s no sign of him anywhere near. Instead, I find Tatiana checking on a middle-aged man who, if I remember correctly, was Dr. Shaw’s special lung-heart transplant. I tap on the open door to get her attention and signal her to go out into the hall.
“Hey, you survived the ER carnage. Did things finally slow down?”
“I don’t know Tati, I just get out of operation. Hey, have you seen Ford? I really need to find him and fast, Baby Sullivan is coming right now. James’ wife is in the ambulance coming here as we speak.”
“Oh, my God.”
She’s full of awe, so I snap my fingers in her face to recapture her attention. “Tati, focus. Have you seen Ford?”
“Private locker.” Our hot spot...
“Thanks, I have to run.” I start moving but she catches my shoulder before I can get too far.
“I... you didn’t hear about the kiss, did you?”
“What?” An icy feeling slams into my chest cavity, making me incapable of moving.
“I didn’t see anything, it’s just a rumor.”
Funny how someone started a rumor about the only thing I refused to let it in my head in the last twenty minutes.
“Tatiana, I have to...”
“Yeah, go. Keep your head up, girl.”
Hard to do it when I feel like I was just put down and shot right in my feelings. I have fought with my emotions for Zach for weeks now. I pretended and faked it, I lied to Paris, I lied to myself, but every time he pushes me in the mud again, I feel a big ball of pain gathering in my chest. But a big ball of pain never comes out of nothing, it forms when there are warm feelings it can wreck...and mine is one heavy ball.
My attempt to shake off the shame and uncertainty doesn’t go so well but I still pull through. When I get to the door of the cardio locker my legs feel weak, and I’m scared of falling on my knees. He has the power and I’m dangerously close to seeing what it can do.
I decide to put on my big girl panties and bust that baby open, walk inside and rip Zach from the room, but my body and my mind aren’t on the same frequency. All I can do is take a deep breath and push the door as slowly as I can, without making any sound. When the crack is wide enough, the image is of Zach and a beautiful, feline-like woman sitting in his lap, with one hand cupping his cheek with affection.
“Is she worth it?” she asked him, watching him with sweet eyes.
He pauses, looking up at the ceiling like he’s measuring his answer. Is who what worth it? Me?
“She’s...fun to play with, you know.”
“Ha, a little mouse who wants to play with your dick?”
The big ball of pain just burst and spread all over me, dripping straight to my heart.
“Yeah, just like you, I need a pet at my arm right now. And London makes a good pet.”
His words detonate in the room and immediately make my vision go blurry. A sharp noise is beeping in my ears, so hard, I almost believe my pager is ringing, but then I realize we’re in dead silence.
I don’t realize that my arm jerked and pushed the door fully open, and now I’m just standing here in plain sight, gaping at the two of them, shaking. When Zach hears my agitated breath and looks up, I can discern waves of fear and shame wrestling in his eyes. His first reaction is to try to jump up, but the weight of the woman placed comfortably on his thighs stops him, so he jerks his hand from her hip like she burned him.
“London...”
I shake my head stopping him. The time for talking is way behind us, and I can’t take another blow from him. I did nothing to deserve this.
What makes it worse is that I believed him. Every word about making things better, having a fresh start, they were all shallow and stupid, but I believed every single one. For the first time since we started this fling, I allowed myself to look past today and nourish hope for a tomorrow with him, and all I got in return was a bitter taste in my mouth.
Thanks, Ford. The lesson is learned.
“Dr. Sullivan asked for you when you have a moment.”
I turn around and take off rapidly. The last thing I want is to stay and talk to them, hear more about how I was nothing but a sex toy. When I get to the elevator, I hear his faded voice calling for me, but the doors close fast and I sigh with relief.
The moment reality hits me I lean back on the elevator wall and start taking deep breaths, concentrating on keeping the tears in, but a couple escape anyway and run down my cheeks and chin.
From day one Zachary Ford has had one mission only, humiliating me and God is witness he succeeded, but somehow my stupid French, romantic heart comes back to him every time. I allowed a man to walk all over me, use me, and degrade me to the woman who fucked up his head.
My most terrifying though right now is having to look into his eyes and pretend nothing is going on. He’s gonna see right through it; he’s gonna see he won. I’m finally crushed.
I put my hands in my hair and let out the air in my lungs before the doors open again, when I arrive to the ground floor. I’m right on time because as soon as I step foot in the ER. I see a heavily pregnant woman being pushed in a wheelchair, and James is at her sight holding her hand. Frankly, he looks worse. Jessica is already down here, all geared up to take the patient in.
“Hey, what can I do?” I ask and James looks around me.
“You couldn’t find Zach?”
“He was caught up. I told him to come when he’s ready.” I’m not about to taint the birth of his child with my bitterness.
“Good. Umm, this is my wife, Avery.” She waves at me weekly and moans in pain. I think another contraction is about to hit.
Jessica is all over her, checking her pulse and vitals and when she hears us, she looks at us with a scowl.
“Not the time for conversation, guys. Avery, you’re contracting every two minutes. Why the hell did you wait so long to come to the hospital, you should have left as soon as they were seven minutes apart.”
“First, Jessica, I didn’t know that...” She should have. “And second, I was doing my makeup. I had to finish.” Oh, boy. Did she just say... makeup?
“Bad decision, Avery. Ok, we need to take you up to delivery right now. London, take Tatiana and follow me, also, page my intern, his extension is 551 and I want Wendy on standby in case we need to do a c-section.”
“On it!”
Avery became all panicky and flustered.
“No c-section. James, I told you I’m not having a baby if I have to be cut open.”
“No, honey, it is just a precaution. London, I’ll do the calls and find Zach. Can you roll her up, please?”
“Sure thing.”
I get behind the wheelchair and start moving fast but steady. It’s never a good idea to shake a pregnant woman.
“If a contraction hits, you can squeeze my hand.”
“Oh, thanks, but this is a bad idea. It hurts so bad I could break your arm easily.” I hope she squeezes my arm until she brings me to tears, at least that way I’d have an excuse.
“Well, it’s worth it. You’re gonna have a sweet baby when all of this is done, Mrs. Sullivan.”
Her face contorts in a weird way, but my head is too wrapped up in my own mind to pay any attention to that. It’s probably from the pain anyway.