“Mateo texted me last Sunday. I’m sorry, Mateo, but I was sleeping.”
Melissa rolled her eyes. “Typical. She’s been like that with me from the start. Not really responsive, are you?”
I shrugged. “I’m so sorry, guys.”
“Then why didn’t you text me the next day?” he asked, not buying it.
I blushed. Damn it. “Um, I forgot.” The lamest excuse of all excuses. No, that couldn’t even be called an excuse. It was more like a big fat lie. I really was incapable of communicating with my peers.
He crossed his arms across his chest. “Okay. I get it. I won’t bother you if that’s a big deal for you.”
How could I tell him that texting guys wasn’t my forte? Ever since elementary school, I was a pariah, a weird loner that boys didn’t find attractive. That seriously ate away at my self-confidence, but I couldn’t divulge this to Mateo and Melissa. I didn’t want them to pity me or dislike me because something was abnormal about me.
“That’s okay. You can send me texts if you want, Mateo. I will... I will text you back.”
The corner of his lips quirked up, but then he frowned. “Anyway, I looked for you on Facebook.”
I flinched. “What?”
“I found your account, but I don’t think it’s actually yours.” He stopped for a second, watching me carefully. “It looks like someone made you a fake account.”
“Whoa! Really?” Melissa stared open-mouthed at him, then at me. “Is this true? Do you know anything about this?”
I took a deep breath, feeling the burning sensation in my cheeks. I had no idea if I felt more embarrassed or angry.
“What did you see?” My voice came out sharper than I’d intended.
“Nothing much—”
“What did you see?” I repeated more loudly. They both gaped at me. I was also surprised by my harsh reaction, but at this point I didn’t care, getting angrier by the second.
“I saw some nasty photos and videos. I even found some photo with a slashed tire on Twitter...” He narrowed his eyes at me. “You don’t look shocked.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “That’s because I’m not.”
They stared at me, waiting for more details, but I didn’t want to give them any. Besides, if I started talking about bullying I would start crying, and there was no way I would allow myself to cry in front of them.
“What’s going on, Sarah? Why did they post those pictures and videos?”
“What do you think, Mateo?” I snapped at him. “Some people are very mean and like tormenting others. It’s not difficult to figure that out.”
“Did you report them?”
“Report what to who?”
“Report those accounts and the people behind them to the police.”
“No. I didn’t.”
They didn’t get it, did they? They had no idea how difficult it could be for a victim to say out loud they were bullied and make culprits known. For some people—especially those who hadn’t experienced bullying—this might sound easy, but all I ever wanted was to live a normal life, not to complicate it more. Disclosing this was not only difficult, but it was also mortifying.
If I went to the police, what would happen? They would delete those profiles, punish the people behind them, and since they were minors, how serious would their penalty be? Also, it was so easy to make a new account if the old one was terminated. Cyberbullying can’t be controlled, especially when everything is anonymous.
After all, reporting would only bring me more headaches. Who guaranteed me they wouldn’t double their bullying if I reported them to the cops? I would have to live in fear of their retribution, and Hayden’s retaliation was more than enough for me.
I didn’t trust anyone, and I couldn’t trust the police.
How messed up is my mind?
I got up, desperate to walk away. “You didn’t have any right to search for me.”
Mateo recoiled, his frown growing deeper. “What? Are you serious?” The way he looked at me made me realize I’d overreacted, but it was too late to take my words back.
“Why not, Sarah? The last time I checked, it was completely legal and normal to search for someone on Facebook. I wanted to talk with you. Is that a crime?”
“Why?”
“What do you mean ‘why’?”
“Why do you want to talk more with me?”
Melissa smacked her forehead like I’d said something completely stupid. Mateo shifted his gaze to the side, looking uncomfortable.
“Hey, guys. If you want, I can go inside and—” Melissa started.
“No, it’s okay. I can say this in front of you,” he replied and faced me. “I like you. It’s as simple as that.”
Whoa. A pang of overwhelming surprise hit my chest, and for once, I was left without words. He said it was simple, but liking someone was never simple, and I had no idea how to react.
Was he serious? I studied his face for any indication that he was joking, but I found none.
What was I supposed to say? I hated feeling this self-conscious. Why would he like me? There were many prettier girls out there, and they were all more talkative and charming than me. All I ever did in front of Mateo was blush and act awkward. Unless he liked weird girls, I didn’t understand why he would like me.
“I... I really don’t know what to say, Mateo.” This wasn’t a good answer at all, I knew.
He shrugged and attempted to smile. “Well, that was a clear enough answer.”
Oh no. I didn’t want to hurt him. “No, really... Thank you, Mateo. I...” Oh God, I was making things worse.
“Hey, it’s okay.” He raised his arms as in surrender and smiled, but it was clear that the smile was fake. “I understand. You don’t have to say anything. I think I should go now. See you tomorrow, maybe?”
“Mateo...” I didn’t know what to say or do to make him stay, because I didn’t want him to leave like this. I should’ve given him a more precise answer or been friendlier.
I felt like a villain.
“Don’t sweat it,” he said and left before I managed to say anything else.
Abashed, I returned Melissa’s gaze. “What was I supposed to say?” I pushed my hands through my hair in exasperation.
“Don’t be hard on yourself. It’s okay.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah, because as far as I can see, you don’t like Mateo, right? So, don’t force yourself to be with him.”
“Well, he’s cute.”
She grinned. “Cute? How cute? Like mildly cute or super hot cute?”
I let out a chuckle, embarrassed all over again. “Cute cute.”
“Hm. Isn’t ‘cute cute’ enough to give him a chance?”
I sighed. “I don’t know, Melissa. I... I’m not really good with guys.”
“Really? I’m sure you’re not that bad. You aren’t a virgin, right?” I looked away, too ashamed to say anything. “You are. Okay, well, that’s not bad. Not at all. Even though everyone has sex at an early age, it doesn’t mean you have to. It’s okay when you feel it’s okay.”