And to think that I also pleaded him not to tell Hayden about the kiss, keeping it like a dirty secret, asking selfishly but not giving anything in return...
We never spoke about his feelings or the kiss after that night in the forest, and now I regretted every single second I’d spent ignoring him and disrespecting his feelings.
He had to sacrifice himself to save his brother, and it was all because of me. I was the worst being on the whole planet.
I wanted to die. It would be best if I died.
The door was thrown open, and I jerked my head up, spotting a completely drunk Hayden on the doorsill. The coldness in his eyes terrified me, sending my senses on high alert. I jumped to my feet.
“I-I’m sorry,” I stammered. What was I apologizing for? “I’m sorry for coming here... I just wanted to...” I wanted to do what? I had no idea, but it didn’t matter since he wasn’t even listening to me.
“I knew right from the start you were a bitch. I knew you’d mess something up.”
His eyes were as petrifying as ever when he approached me and grabbed me by my hair, pulling me until only inches separated our faces. His movement took me completely by surprise, messing with my already bad balance, and I grasped his hand, yelping in pain.
“Wha... What are you—”
“You had to text. You had to look at your fucking screen instead of paying attention to the road! And then you just froze there and did nothing. I could’ve died because of you! And now Kayden is dead. He’s dead because of you, you stupid bitch!” He shoved me toward the door, making me stumble. “I don’t want to see you in my house ever again!”
I backed away, wanting to separate myself from him as much as possible. There was such hatred in his eyes that chilled me to the bone and made me feel like I was completely worthless.
Exiting Kay’s room, I took a few unsteady steps backward, my legs threatening to give out on me. He followed me, the lack of expression on his face even scarier. He didn’t look human as he approached me, not letting me escape.
“You’ll pay for his death. You’ll pay for this.” He pointed at his bandage. “I’ll hurt you so much that you’ll wish you were the one who got hit.” I took another step back, and once more, he closed the distance between us. “I’m going to destroy you until you’re only an empty shell, devoid of any happiness or hope.”
I froze in place when I noticed the staircase several feet behind me, feeling cornered.
“And then I’m going to step on that shell and shatter you into dust.”
We stared at each other, both breathing heavily, physically so close, but the distance between our worlds felt like a chasm. It was infinite and impossible to cross. Hayden hated me more than ever, and all my illusions about him growing to like me one day dissipated.
I couldn’t stand his accusing stare, his hate... It hurt more than everything...
I couldn’t take any of this anymore.
“I’m so sorry, Hayden,” I said through tears. “I’m sorry for putting your life in danger. I’m sorry for your injury. I’m sorry for Kayden.” There was nothing I could say that could make things right. Nothing could make this right. Kayden was gone.
“You will be sorry,” Natalie interjected in a hoarse voice, and I turned around. She climbed up the last step and wiped the tears off her face. “You will be sorry for killing my Kayden.”
Oh God. Her gaze was filled with venom and hatred, increasing the burning guilt that twisted my insides.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” I was blind with tears, suffocating. I needed to get away from here.
I lurched toward the stairs, but I didn’t even reach them before Natalie said, “Oh no, not so fast.”
She grabbed my hair and upper arm and threw me into a wall with a strength I didn’t know she possessed. A scorching pain exploded in my head upon the contact with the hard surface, leaving me slightly dazed.
Hayden didn’t try to stop her or even move from his spot, observing our interaction with a blank face, and more tears flowed out of my eyes. This was too much. He was ripping my heart apart.
Natalie swung her hand and slapped me hard before I could dodge it, her eyes promising me more violence. She made a move to slap me again, but I found the strength to move before her hand could make a contact and I rushed to the stairs. I needed to escape from this house right this second.
I headed down the stairs, but I overstepped and lost my footing, which sent me falling down the rest of the stairs. I screamed and tried to grasp at something, but nothing came under my fingers. I tumbled down with my heart in my throat, completely losing my orientation as sharp pain burst in different parts of my body.
I sprawled at the bottom, breathing with difficulty. Everything hurt like hell. I didn’t dare to move, wondering if I broke something.
I heard voices coming from all directions. “Jesus! Are you all right, Sarah?” Carmen Black asked and knelt next to me.
Several people appeared above me. I tried to move my legs and arms and sighed in relief because there was nothing broken.
“How did this happen? Can you stand up?”
I struggled to sit up, crying out when the sizzling shot of pain spread through my back. “Easy.” She wrapped her arm around my waist to help me. “I’ll call the ambulance.”
“It’s okay,” I said to reassure her, but the truth was that I wasn’t okay. I felt completely broken. Not on the outside, but on the inside.
I looked upward and noticed Hayden standing alone at the top of the stairway. He stared at me impassively with his vacant eyes, completely unperturbed by my fall. Without any emotion, he turned around and walked away, hammering the last nail into my coffin of misery and darkness.
I closed my eyes, my defensive barriers going down. I let myself cry in front of everyone, falling into the abyss of despair and burning pain. Of course he didn’t care. No one cared.
Hayden Black and Natalie Shelley. They were the same.
I’d been so wrong. There was no goodness in Hayden. He wasn’t that Hayden I always hoped for, believed in .
He was a creature with no compassion or care for others. He was a monster.
I felt my heart shut down, and all the warm feelings I’d once had for him began to disappear.
Chapter 18
PRESENT
A blend of anger and fear twirled in me as I left my bike on the parking lot, a few drops of sweat sliding down my temples. I’d had to pedal as fast as I could in order not to be late for my first class.
I darted through the groups of students in the halls, intending to confront Hayden because this was getting way out of hand. Why did he have to do that? Couldn’t I spend at least one day in peace?
I hated him, and I hated myself for letting him me kiss me after everything he’d done to me. That kiss was indeed icing on the cake after yesterday’s disastrous day in school. It was like someone had brainwashed me and made me enjoy that kiss. No, I didn’t even want to think about it. I would erase it from my memory and act like it never happened.
I didn’t even have time to explain to my mother what happened. I just told her I would deal with the issue after I came from school, but I couldn’t keep having my car serviced. This had to stop.
Would it be better not to use my car anymore? I couldn’t keep coming to school with my bicycle, but maybe I could use the school bus? No, the school bus wasn’t a convenient solution since the bus stop was too far.