He tore his gaze away from me and brought his attention back to the dark, empty road. “This Mateo... Did you meet each other just now?”
What was up with that question? Did he actually expect me to spill the beans? First, he attacked him, and now he was acting like a police detective, so fixated on him.
“You sound jealous,” I blurted out, even though this seemed implausible after all the monstrosities he committed.
His eyes found mine again, and all the air was sucked out of the cabin. I felt tingles all over my body as he gazed deeply into me. “Do you want me to be?”
Whoa. “What kind of question is that?”
“I kept thinking...” He focused on the road again, looking like he was lost in thought. “Once, Kayden said something to me that really made me curious. You two were in the Nepaug State Forest the evening before, almost three months before he died.”
All the hairs stood up on my neck. I stared at the floor of his car, my heartbeat too fast.
Kay and I kissed that evening in the forest.
“Kayden looked like someone killed his puppy. I knew you two were together, so I assumed you argued. When I asked him what happened he said only one thing.”
I held my breath, impatiently waiting for him to continue. He didn’t.
“What did he say?” I hated that I was giving him the pleasure to see me curious.
“ You won .”
I gaped at him. “What?”
He glanced at me. “Yes. He just said that and locked himself in his room for the rest of the day. I had no clue what he meant then.”
Why did Kay say that? We kissed, but it only happened because he offered it. He even told me I could pretend he was Hayden...
A shot of pain coiled through my chest. I didn’t want to remember that shameful moment. After our kiss, he confessed his feelings for me, and I reacted like a complete idiot, ignoring the way he felt.
I hurt him so bad, but he always knew how I felt about Hayden. Why would he go to Hayden and say that, especially when Hayden wasn’t even involved?
What if he was involved? Hayden was jealous because I spent time with Kayden, but what if he wasn’t jealous of me for taking his brother away from him?
What if he was jealous of Kayden?
“Why are you telling me this?”
“As I said, I didn’t understand what he meant that day, because I was sure you two were in love. Then I heard what you said at Kayden’s grave. You said you wanted to help me and be strong for me. I thought I was fucking delusional in that moment, convincing myself I probably heard everything wrong, but then you returned my kiss. And later, I saw your drawing of me. The drawing of a person who did nothing but hurt you.”
Fear arose in me, sending my heart into overdrive. I finally understood what he was getting at.
“I put two and two together and got my answer.”
I wanted to run away immediately. I wanted to be anywhere but here.
He cast me a glance, a cocky smirk plastered on his face. “Despite everything I did to you and having Kayden by your side, you actually liked me.”
Chapter 26
NO, NO, NO.
This was terrible. I couldn’t allow this to continue any further. If I confirmed I’d liked him, he would make my life even more difficult, and I already lived with a huge load of shame in me.
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
He frowned, taken aback by my answer. “What?”
I snorted, faking my indifference. “I never liked you. How could I when I always loathed you? I could never stand the sight of you.”
To my complete surprise, all his previous confidence evaporated into nothing and a hint of vulnerability appeared in his eyes. “You’re lying.”
“And you’re delusional.”
He clenched his jaw and the steering wheel. “Then why did you say those words in the cemetery?”
I winced, feeling like he had me cornered. “And why are you acting like you care?” I shook my head. “You’re my biggest enemy. You swore to make my life living hell, yet you’re concerned a lot about my feelings now. You even kissed me. What is wrong with you?”
He was gripping the steering wheel so hard that his hands started shaking, and as always, I was shocked at how fast his emotions changed. My instincts screamed at me to shut the hell up and stop provoking him.
“You didn’t answer my question about Mateo.”
I ignored my instinct and voiced my anger. “Oh, so we’re dodging a question now?”
“Fucking answer me!”
“I fucking won’t!” He crossed the line too many times, and I wouldn’t let Mateo get involved in this.
He veered to the right and stopped on the side of the road, the screeching of tires grating on my ears.
“What are you doing?!”
Hayden killed the engine and unbuckled his seat belt. “Give me your phone. I want to make sure you didn’t do something as stupid as taking that asshole’s number.”
“What?” My pulse was frantic as I attempted to come up with a way to avoid giving him my phone, but then I remembered one thing.
I left my phone and my bag in Melissa’s car.
Damn it.
“I never ask twice,” he growled and started searching for it himself, tapping his hands over the front and the back pockets of my jeans, reminding me of a cop frisking a criminal. I felt violated and vulnerable, and no matter how much I kicked and wiggled, trying to take his hands off me, it was pointless.
I closed my eyes, sensing like I could start crying any moment.
“Please, stop this,” I whispered, defeated.
At that, his hand grazed the inside of my thigh, dangerously close my core, and we both froze, our eyes locking together. I was scared of his next move, but my body anticipated it, and I hated my reaction. I refused to acknowledge it as pleasure and hunger for that touch.
“Where is your phone?” he said so quietly, a note of insecurity shading his words.
For once, I was glad the truth worked in my favor. “I left it in Melissa’s car.”
He exhaled a heavy sigh and leaned back against his seat, breaking the contact between us. “What were you doing with that asshole?”
“That’s none of your—”
“It is my fucking business,” he shouted at me, making me flinch. “You won’t see that guy again.”
“What? You can’t possibly be thinking that—”
“I won’t repeat myself, Sarah. I’ll fuck him up if I see him with you again.”
I fisted my hands, feeling an unbearable urge to hurt him. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“You want to know what is wrong with me? YOU ARE WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!” He hit my headrest with his fist, making the whole seat shake from the impact, and got in my face. Only inches separated our faces now, and my whole body buzzed with a dangerous mix of fear, excitement, and expectation.
“I was never able to control these destructive emotions inside of me, which were screaming at me to release them, no matter how much I tried to shut them down, but when it comes to you, I feel fucking turmoil.”
Hayden’s hot breath fanned my face, making my skin hypersensitive of his movements and his nearness. I could clearly see the painful shimmer of his dark eyes, which revealed his tortured side to me.