“Yes. There are so many girls who hit on me when they see me, but not you. You were reserved, which only made me more curious about you.”
“So you want me because I’m a challenge?” There I went with my bitterness and mistrust. Sarah, he doesn’t deserve this.
“I’m sorry. It did sound like that. No, you aren’t a challenge. I mean, I always wanted to get closer to you, but I never wanted to pressure you.” He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it, leaving me open-mouthed.
“The way you looked at me when I was about to kiss you at Melissa’s party... So cute.” His light brown eyes hardened. “But then that asshole turned up and ruined everything.”
“I’m really sorry for what Hayden did. I still feel awful about it.”
“You don’t have to apologize. It wasn’t your fault.”
“But you got involved into all this mess and—“
“And I don’t regret a single thing.” He kissed my hand again, his seductive eyes locked on mine. I was excited but also afraid of the unknown.
“You’re vulnerable now, and I don’t want to use this situation to get closer to you. I want to be with you, but I’ll be patient and wait until you recover.”
Was he for real? Did such nice, understanding guys really exist? He was such a sweetheart.
“There’s just one thing I need to know,” he said with a guarded expression on his face. “Are you sure there is nothing between this guy, Hayden, and you?”
Oh. I looked at my lap, reflecting on what happened with Hayden these last few days. I’d already made my decision. It was painful, and it scared the hell out of me, but it was the right one because I couldn’t handle Hayden now.
I had the right to be happy, and no matter how good and happy I felt during those unexpected, precious moments with Hayden, it wasn’t enough. The tiny fragments of utter happiness weren’t enough to annul the years of sorrow and grief.
He wanted to change, but I couldn’t know how long his decision would last. One day, one week, or forever? Mrs. Black said his condition could last for the rest of his life, which meant he would always have to fight it, just like his father. Oh God. His father.
His issues couldn’t be solved overnight. He needed to change, but was that possible?
I loved him, and I wanted him happy, even if it meant we were separated. Maybe that was for the best. We needed space, and he needed to treat his condition, so being with him wouldn’t be good for him.
Right?
Oh, I could only hope I was right. I had to give Mateo a chance. I couldn’t keep coming back to that old darkness that was Hayden.
I met his gaze. “There is nothing between Hayden and me. He doesn’t matter.” Wrong. I ignored that silent, terrifying voice. “I-I can’t wait to get better so we could... You know...” I smiled, not sure what to call us.
He got up from the chair and sat next to me on the bed. He took my face in his hands, flashing me his pearly smile. He even had dimples in his cheeks. I had to give whatever was going on between us a chance. I had to.
“Remember, I don’t want to push you. Okay?” He inched closer to me, and I stopped breathing. “If there is anything you don’t want or like, tell me.”
His lips were so close to mine, and I was sure he could hear the loud thumping of my heart. I wanted him to kiss me. No, I needed him to kiss me so I could be certain that this was the right thing. I needed to forget. I needed that happiness, and Mateo was so nice...
His soft lips grazed mine and pressed against them softly. He took his time playing with my lips, and I couldn’t help but remember Hayden’s urgency when he kissed me. The way his searing kiss made me incapable of thinking, leaving me breathless. Mateo reached inside my mouth gently, and I recalled Hayden’s fierceness and possessiveness. There was nothing possessive in the way Mateo kissed. Mateo’s kiss was too sweet.
I had to stop comparing them. I was kissing Mateo, and the way Hayden kissed me didn’t matter. Hayden didn’t matter.
He leaned away, looking at me like I was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. “This was amazing. Can I have more?” I couldn’t help but smile. I was completely inexperienced, and I didn’t know if I could kiss well or not, but it was nice knowing he wanted more.
I initiated the kiss this time. The way our lips moved seemed like a slow dance, and it felt soothing. I laced my fingers through his curly hair, and the image of my fingers roaming through Hayden’s short hair flashed through my mind. Mateo placed his hands on my waist, which brought me back to this moment. I had to forget Hayden... Mateo was here, and he was touching me like he really cared about me—
A loud thud ripped through the air, and I jerked away from Mateo at the unexpected sound. I was rooted to the spot when I found Hayden at the door, who was staring at us like he couldn’t believe his eyes.
I noticed a paper bag dropped in front of him, along with the notebook and the pencils that had slid out of it. My eyes fell on an envelope laying next to the notebook. What was he doing with these things?
Hayden stomped inside and crossed the room in three big strides. He grabbed Mateo by his shirt collar using his right hand.
“What the fuck do you think you are doing?”
“Hayden!” I attempted to get up, but the sharp pain in my back prevented me from moving. “Leave him alone!”
Since Hayden was injured and couldn’t use his left arm that was in a sling, Mateo could easily remove his hand from his collar and push him away. “Get off me, asshole.”
Hayden glared at me. “You! You’re such a slut, kissing this dickhead and—“ Mateo punched him in his face, causing him to stumble.
“Mateo! Stop! Don’t fight!” I had to get up. I gave my best to ignore the pain as I pushed my legs off the bed, but I was drained. I clung to the medical equipment standing next to my bed, my legs unsteady.
“Sarah, don’t get up! You’re hurt.” Mateo caught me before I lost my balance.
I could barely look at Hayden, hurt by the betrayed look on his face. Why did he come back?
“So you’re with this dick now? Kissing him just like that?”
I had to do this. I didn’t know what this thing between Mateo and me was, but I couldn’t let Hayden destroy it. Not that too. Enough. “And so what if I am? I have the right to do whatever I want or be with whomever I want.”
Hayden stepped closer to me, but Mateo immediately shielded me. “Make one more step, and I’ll beat you to a pulp,” he hissed. It seemed that Mateo’s warning was effective, because Hayden drew back, looking at us like we were his worst enemies.
“So after everything, you’re going to be with this shit who just wants to get into your pants?”
Mateo launched at him, but I managed to keep him in place, gripping his upper arm. “Please, Mateo. Don’t let him provoke you.” I looked at Hayden through my teary eyes. His eyes... Oh God, his eyes were filled with such hatred and sorrow.
A heavy weight settled in my stomach, everything in me screaming not to say my next words.
“What I do with Mateo is none of your concern. I already told you. I can’t forgive you. I could never forgive you. I want to be far away from you, Hayden.” I tried my best to feign my feelings. I couldn’t let Hayden see just how much these words hurt me—just how much I wanted things to be different. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t shed a tear as I pushed these cruel words out of me, masking the indifference. “I don’t care about you. So go away and don’t come near me again.”