‘Now,’ Hilda lifted her wrist, ‘you’re going to be late meeting Ash and I’d hate you to miss your run. I did mine at seven o’clock this morning,’ she added a tad smugly.
‘You’ve shaved your beard off,’ I said, stopping dead at the sight of a cleanâshaven Ash coming towards me on the path. And then for some bizarre reason I promptly burst into tears.
Ash immediately put his arm around my shoulder and led me to our usual park bench and sat me down as I sobbed. It was the first time in a very long time that I felt crying wasn’t a weakness and that I allowed myself to feel the emotion and let go.
‘Hey, hey,’ he murmured, pulling me into his chest. ‘I thought you’d be pleased about the beard. I didn’t expect this kind of reaction.’
Dragging in a hoarse breath, I let out a spluttery laugh. ‘S-sorry. It’s nothing to do with the beard.’ At least, I didn’t think it was. At the back of my mind I was aware that it was a sign that things were changing. ‘I’ve j-just s-seen Hilda.’
Ash hugged me tighter. ‘Is she okay?’
‘Yes, I guess.’ Sadness overwhelmed me again. ‘But not really. I’ve been to her house today.’ I blinked at him and wiped away the last of my tears, my throat choked again. ‘It’s so sad. It’s a beautiful house but she’ll never live there again and she knows it.’
Ash held my hand as I spoke, squeezing it gently. ‘It’s full of memories of her late husband.’ I thought of her careful handling of the netsuke ornament. ‘Full of things that mean so much to her. There’s a whole life packed into that house.’ I paused. ‘I think Hilda is actually quite lonely. The negative comments she makes about the other people in the home, I think that’s frustration that they can’t keep up with her rather than from real malice. I think we’re helping her as much as she’s helped us.’ I stopped and cast a quick glance at the empty space on the bench, a smile accompanying the memory of the first time I met Hilda. ‘She’s good at finding us things to do. She has a very clever habit of telling us what we need to do and then she carries on talking, changing the subject before we have time to say no, so that by the end of the conversation, it’s a fait accompli.’
Narrowing his eyes, he considered my words. ‘You’ve got it right. That’s exactly what she does.’
‘Probably a tactic she learned in her MI6 days.’ I sighed. ‘Sorry. It just got to me.’
He lifted his hand and swiped a thumb over my tearstains. I stared at his face, all the planes and angles revealed in their full glory. My mouth went dry. ‘You look so much better,’ I blurted out, except my voice had gone all husky with the sudden bolt of lust. My emotional outburst had left me feeling a little raw, bringing everything to the surface and my tenuous control slipped. Every nerve ending was tuned into Ash. He was back to his old self and he was positively mouth-wateringly gorgeous. For those few seconds I was unable to take my eyes off the lean lines of his jaw and cheekbones.
A slow smile lit his face. ‘Like what you see?’ There was just a faint echo of his former cockiness in the words and a slight lift of his mouth at one side, a crooked, knowing line of his lips.
And suddenly, just like the night at Darren’s, all the sexual chemistry that had been on low charge for weeks came roaring back.
I nodded and reached forward to brush my fingers across the bare skin of his face. His lips grazed my hand and then he leaned forward and kissed me very, very gently on the lips, as if I might break under his touch.
It was a soft kiss, a gentle hello and a promise of things to come, and we both drew back, each of us smiling almost shyly.
‘So what brought this on?’ I lifted my hand again to feel his freshly bared skin, unable to stop myself.
‘I’ve got a second job interview. That’s where I was on Tuesday afternoon. And I have another job interview lined up next week.’ Stars of happiness danced in his eyes and it was such a wonderful sight that I couldn’t help myself.
‘Oh Ash, that’s fantastic.’ I threw my arms around him and hugged him. ‘I’m so pleased for you. Where? When?’ As I started to pull away, his hand clamped on top of mine, a sudden sparkle in his eyes, that barely-there lift of an eyebrow. Like a switch tripping, the hormones took over and fireworks fizzed in my chest, my stomach making my toes curl. He could read me as well as I could read him. We’d always been on the same wavelength when it came to the thread of sexual attraction between us.
I flinched as his eyes locked on mine, his steady gaze sending my heartrate into a gallop.
‘I think you’re more excited than I am,’ he stated in a cool drawl with another twitch of that crooked mouth. Despite his sang-froid response, I knew he felt the fizz between us. This time, the kiss was an X-rated sizzler.
When the kiss finally came to an end, both of us slightly out of breath, he leaned his forehead against mine. ‘I feel like we’re back where we started. I think this isn’t far from the very first place I kissed you.’ We both turned to look at the lamppost a few metres behind us.
‘A lot’s happened since then.’ I sighed
‘Yeah and… I’ve been a dick.’
I raised an eyebrow.
‘Don’t get too used to me saying it. I was a self-absorbed prick and I don’t know why you’ve stuck around.’
‘To be honest, I didn’t really have much choice. Hilda seemed determined to befriend both of us.’
‘Her lost souls. But you were kind. You sent that text… and I certainly didn’t deserve it.’ He reached out and held my hand. ‘Shit, I was a mess. I owe her… and you. I’ve no idea why you stuck by me. I was a miserable bastard. What would either of us have done without Hilda?’
‘I dunno.’ I lifted my head to give him a frank stare. ‘But I think we helped save her too.’
He tilted his head with laughing dismissal. ‘You think? I’m not so sure about that.’
‘I am.’ I spoke with sudden certainty, remembering her at the house earlier.
‘It wasn’t just Hilda, you know. There were lots of times you could have told me to piss off.’
‘I guess I was worried about you as well.’
‘You hardly knew me.’
‘We slept together. That’s quite an intimate way of getting to know someone.’
He winced. ‘And I cocked that up, good and proper.’
‘Yeah, you did. I don’t normally sleep with people that easily.’ I paused and looked directly into his eyes. ‘You hurt me.’
He lifted a tentative hand to my face. ‘And I’m deeply sorry for that. It was a terrible way to treat you and I bitterly regret it now. If it’s any consolation, I was so full of self-loathing that I was determined to burn every last bridge. If I hadn’t been made redundant, I was going to call you and ask to see you on the Monday night.’
I gave him a sad smile. ‘And I probably would have said yes.’
‘I’m really sorry, Claire. After I lost my job, yes I was angry and bitter, but also I didn’t think I was good enough for someone as amazing as you.’ This time his apology was enough, but I wasn’t going to be a pushover. He was going to have to prove himself all over again. All I’d ever wanted from him was honesty. It had been the foundation on which we’d started, pushing each other past the façades we’d both built.