At first she was stiff and then she softened into my embrace and I felt her warm wet tears on my neck. ‘N-next w-week… when… w-when you go back to work… we won’t have tea here. You won’t… you won’t want us anymore. We have to go to Breakfast Club and After-school Club and go to bed.’
Oh Poppy, I thought, hugging her tighter, my throat closing. ‘Of course I’ll still want you. I love you and Ava. You silly sausage, why do you think I’m buying a nice big sofa? It’s so that we can all have snuggles together.’ I held her close, not knowing what else to say and feeling totally inadequate. I wasn’t her mother; what did I know about how an eleven-year-old felt?
Her arms crept around my waist and we stood like that for a minute and I wished I had all the answers.
‘Poppy, I’m sorry that I have to go back to work. It’s my job and that’s what pays the bills. But I promise I’ll still be able to look after you. I’m sorry you have to go to the clubs but… I don’t know what else to do.’ It was worrying the hell out of me and I didn’t know how things would work then and I wasn’t going to lie to her about it.
Being honest with her seemed to reassure her. I felt her chest heave with the sigh. ‘It’s all right, Auntie Claire.’ Lifting her head she gave me a stoic smile which ramped up my underlying guilt another notch.
‘Oh shi—! Shoot! The bath water.’ I hugged Poppy quickly and then raced upstairs with her hot on my heels. We made it just in time, the water already lapping at the top edge of the bath. I plunged my arm into the water to yank out the plug, ignoring my clothes.
‘Phew,’ I said, sinking gratefully onto the loo seat, the sleeve of my hoody dripping wet. ‘That was a close call. I’m a bit wet.’
Wide-eyed, Poppy nodded and then giggled at the sight of me, half soaked.
It was a relief to hear the childish release. The next few weeks were going to be challenging and top of my mind was just how long I was going to be able to fob the girls off with the landslide story to explain Alice’s ongoing absence. For their sakes, I hoped my sister would grow up and come home soon.
Chapter Twenty-Five
‘You’re looking well.’ Karen the HR Director did a double take. ‘You really do look well. Have you spent the last month at a health farm or something?’
‘No, just eating properly and exercising.’
‘Well, keep it up. I’m supposed to ask you a whole load of questions about how you’re feeling.’ She grinned at me. ‘So how are you feeling about coming back to work?’
‘Fine,’ I said, although a little knot of anxiety had been burning a hole in my stomach since last night. I’d been super organised over the weekend. All the washing was done and ironed. The girls each had clean clothes for every day of the week. I had bought enough supplies for the three days they had packed lunches. We were up to date on homework. I’d done a menu plan for the week. I was on fire. But I still couldn’t help worrying about how it would all work. Poppy had been very quiet going to school this morning. I knew she wasn’t looking forward to After-school Club.
‘No concerns or worries?’ asked Karen. She pounced on my hesitation. ‘Anything?’
This was important and I owed it to the girls to be totally honest. ‘My circumstances have changed and… well, I’m going to have to be more disciplined about leaving on time. Of course I can work in the evenings to catch up.’ So much for good intentions, but I wanted to reassure her I could do the job. That was my emergency back-up option.
‘Claire, you shouldn’t have to do extra hours. That’s what we want to avoid. Times have changed, love.’ Her Yorkshire accent deepened along with her sincerity. ‘And I know I’m not supposed to say that either, but seriously, they have. We, and I speak for the board, do care that our brightest and best members of staff don’t burn themselves out. This company is only as good as the people it employs; we need to look after them. Gone are the days when we expect staff to work all hours. Mental health and wellbeing are high on our agenda.’
‘Well… that’s good to hear.’ I’d heard it all before but this time it did seem to ring true, although I was pretty sure that working nine to five put paid to any promotion prospects. ‘I’m now looking after my two nieces; my sister is away at the moment.’
Karen raised one of her heavy eyebrows. ‘How long for?’
‘That’s the gazillion-dollar question. I’m not sure but… it could be for a while.’
‘How long’s a while? A month, six months?’
It sounded so lame and I shrugged as I said, ‘I’m not entirely sure, but I’d say at least a month, possibly longer.’
Karen was visibly restraining herself from asking questions but I could see she was curious. We were friends of a sort, so I gave in. ‘My sister went to India on some sort of yoga retreat but apparently she’s found herself out there and decided to stay.’
It was quite gratifying to see Karen’s mouth drop open in a capital ‘O’ of disbelief.
‘You’re not kidding, are you?’
‘Unfortunately not. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind having my nieces. They’re fab.’ My smile was filled with a burst of love for them which seemed to get stronger every day. ‘But I’m pretty pissed off that my sister has done this to them. She’s not even Facetimed them or anything.’
‘Blimey Claire. That’s… shit.’
‘For them, yes. But for me…’ An increasingly familiar glow of warmth settled in its usual place just under my sternum. ‘I’m kind of enjoying having them live with me.’ My lovely new kitchen was now finished and it looked wonderful. Last night, after everything had been done, the three of us had snuggled on the new sofa under velvety soft blankets and watched The Dragon Prince, which, despite claiming it was too young for her, seemed to have absorbed Poppy just as much as Ava. Another memory to be stored in the fabric of the house for as long as it was mine.
‘Well, it seems to be doing you good.’ She peered at my face. ‘I think you’re glowing. Or it’s make-up and if so I want the brand name.’
‘That’s just the exercise. I’ve been doing a bit of running. Me and some friends are setting up a parkrun.’
‘Whoa. Who are you and what have you done with Claire?’ We’d shared lunch in the canteen often enough that she knew this was not normal Harrison operating procedure.
‘I know. Who’d have thought?’
‘That’s amazing. You do know we have a community policy here? You can take paid days to do work in the local community. That would probably count.’
‘Now, that is useful to know. How would you feel if I left a little early on Thursday as I’ve got a meeting to recruit volunteers that night?’ I might as well push for it now.
‘Let me check the policy.’ She tapped her pencil in a quick rat-a-tat. ‘But I’m pretty sure it’s the sort of thing the company would support. Let me know when it starts. I’ve done the Hyde Park one a couple of times. It’s good fun.’