‘You’re forgiven. And talking of sneaky subject changes,’ I pursed my lips and folded my arms, quirking my own eyebrow in a replay of his, deliberately bringing the tone back to friendly banter, ‘are you going to tell me about this job interview?’
Sudden amusement danced in his eyes and he leaned down and kissed me with a fleeting brush on the lips. ‘You’re a smart cookie, did you know that?’
I frowned. Where was he going with this?
‘Finance Director.’ He paused and kissed me again, punctuating his words with more kisses. ‘For an engineering company.’ Another kiss. ‘Offices all around the UK.’
‘An engineering company?’ I gave him a sharp nudge in the ribs, a cocky tilt to my head, even though inside I was beaming. ‘Well, how about that?’
‘Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re allowed to take all the credit. And I don’t mind if you say “I told you so,” I’m so bloody grateful to get an interview. But… thank you.’
‘I didn’t do anything. You’re the one with the CV, references, and track record.’
‘I think you did. As soon as I – admittedly reluctantly because I’m pig headed – changed tack I landed two interviews straight away.’
‘That’s brilliant, I’m so pleased for you.’
‘I haven’t got them yet.’
‘Yes, but it…’ I bit my lip.
He took pity on me. ‘Shows that someone wants me despite all my self-pitying navel-gazing.’
‘It’s a confidence boost,’ I said.
‘It is, but it’s come at the right time.’ He shot me a hesitant, sidelong glance. ‘I should have been braver, like you.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You realised you had a problem. You went to the doctor. I know you didn’t like being signed off but it was the right thing. Whereas I knew I wasn’t right but I couldn’t admit it to myself.’
‘I have a confession to make. If I’d have thought for one minute I’d be signed off, there’s no way I would have gone to the doctor’s. I only went because of that stupid cut and if I’d put Savlon on it like you suggested…’
‘Maybe it was subconscious. You knew something was wrong but focused on your arm.’
I realised he was probably right.
‘Whatever it was, you still went. Whereas I just hid and drank myself stupid for a week. God knows what would have happened if I hadn’t gone out running a couple of times and that was only because I was bored out of my brain. The running has helped. A lot.’ He paused and lifted a hand to my face. ‘I think dinner is long overdue.’
‘Dinner would be nice,’ I said with a sigh, almost nestling into his touch.
‘The Beech House. Next Friday?’
‘Do we want to go back there? I wonder if it’s jinxed.’
‘It’s not jinxed; this time I won’t be a dick and I’ll call you afterwards.’ His smooth-shaven face dimpled with a smile before he added, ‘I’m too scared of Hilda not to.’
‘Oh God, you do realise she’s going to be unbearable.’
‘She’s going to be bloody thrilled and she won’t be able to say no to babysitting.’
I laughed. ‘I don’t think she would anyway. It feels like she’s moved in, although I’m not complaining. She’s a fabulous cook.’
‘Probably taught Raymond Blanc everything he knows.’
‘Wasn’t it Mary Berry? Do you think she’s really done all the things she’s said?’
‘Who knows?’
‘One of these days, I ought to google her.’ I’d thought about it a couple of times.
‘Don’t do that. Just think how disappointed we’d be if it turned out she’d embellished things.’
‘True,’ I said, liking the way he phrased the sentence. Embellished sounded so much kinder.
Suddenly everyone else seemed to be moving forward and I was about to step back into the same old groove. I was due back at work next week and in a lightning-strike moment, I wasn’t sure it was where I wanted to be anymore. The thought shocked me so much I missed a breath.
The thought of getting on a train every morning and leaving Churchstone filled me with dread. I loved my morning routine now, taking the girls to school, having a quick chat with Penny and Janie, going for a run and then going home. With sudden insight I realised I didn’t want to leave my home every day, I wanted to stay in it and play. Enjoy being there. I derived huge satisfaction bringing the house back to order after the girls had swept through. Making it all neat and tidy again.
The painter was due this week and I’d ordered new furniture for the kitchen-diner to turn it into more of a family living space, as we seemed to spend so much time in there.
My heart banged uncomfortably as it dawned on me that I didn’t want to spend hours and hours in an office ploughing through data and figures anymore, almost divorced from real life. I wanted to spend time with people, look after them, cook, clean, make a home. I wanted to solve problems and find solutions for things that mattered, not churn out endless consultancy reports on the possible viability of projects that may never happen.
For so long my job had consumed me… and now I didn’t think I wanted to go back. What would I do, though? My job defined me. Without it, what was I? For a moment I was filled with terror; I felt like I’d stepped into no-man’s land and on either side there was nothing to rescue me.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ava was hanging from the fence, like a small, agile monkey, chatting to my neighbour, whose name I’d completely forgotten. She’d introduced herself when I’d first moved in and, I’ll be honest, she hadn’t seemed like my type so I’d paid little attention and, to my shame, I’d actively avoided her, exchanging probably fewer than six words with her. Ava was more than making up for it now.
‘Teatime, Ava,’ I said with a friendly nod at the woman, interrupting the little girl’s monologue about her soft toys which, it appeared, was being well received with rapt nods and the odd squeaky, ‘Well I never!’ or high-pitched ‘Really?’.
‘Hello,’ I said, acknowledging the woman but in a cut-off tone that forbade further engagement. There was homework to be done and bath time to be had after tea, both of which Ava was very good at putting off until the absolute last minute.
‘Ava’s been telling me all about the parkrun. She’s a clever little girl.’ My neighbour held up one of the leaflets that we’d been out distributing on our way back from school. One through every letterbox on the route home. It was the last leaflet drop; over the last few days, Janie, Penny, and I, and our respective children, had been out every night after school. The meeting next Thursday had been promoted on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter and the local radio station was interested in doing an interview about our plans.
‘It sounds very exciting.’
‘Mmm,’ I said. Exciting was the not the word I’d have used. Terrifying more like. What if no one turned up?
‘Well, different anyway. I’ve seen you going out running. That’s very disciplined. Good for you. Not sure I could run for a bus. Never was very good at sport.’ Ducking her head, she scrutinised the leaflet, moving her lips as she read. ‘Five kilometres. What’s that in real money? Quite a way. I certainly couldn’t run that far. Not sure my hips are built for running.’