“Yes,” he finally admitted.
“You can’t get her snarky voice out of your head?” she guessed.
Grams knew him so well. “Most of the time I can, but when it comes to something like this, something as important as Meredith…” He shook his head. “All the ugly words surface, and worse, all the horrible feelings do too. When you’re trained to believe you’re a pain in the butt who will never amount to anything … it’s really hard to get past that.”
Grams grabbed his hand. Cruz turned to her. “I understand that childhood pain can be hard to let go of. It just ticks me off what she did to you. You know your dad tried to stand up to her.”
Cruz nodded. He knew. Sadly, his dad had to work, and Cat had kept herself extremely busy with competitive swim. There were many hours his mom could get to Cruz with no one around. At least Grams was always on his side.
“I don’t know how to say it strong enough.” She raised her voice and yelled, “Let it go!”
Cruz laughed, even though he was hurting. Grams could still make him laugh. “I’m trying, Grams, really I am.”
“Well, try harder. You’re telling me that you’re going to miss the opportunity for extreme happiness with the most gorgeous, kind, and talented woman we know, besides Cat and Iris, to believe the idiotic, lying words of a narcistic, angry, unbalanced biddy?”
Cruz’s eyebrows lifted. “Well, when you put it that way.”
“How else can you put it?” She leaned toward him. “I loathe your mother and what she did to you, Cat, and Jay, but why in the name of all that is wicked, mostly your mom, would you believe the garbage a crazy, selfish woman sold to a young, impressionable boy? You’re smarter than that! She only has power if you let her have power. Would your dad, Cat, your cousins, me, or the good Lord want you to feel badly about yourself?”
He shook his head, trying to believe what she was telling him.
“Okay, then.” She paused for about two seconds, probably one and a half longer than she wanted to. “Is rehashing what I said a hundred different ways going to help drive it home?” she asked.
Cruz smiled. There were many things to love about Grams, but one in particular was she didn’t harp on a person until they couldn’t see straight. She said her piece, expected you to be smart enough to internalize and remember it, and then she moved on. Was he smart enough to believe her words? He wanted to.
“No,” he said. “I heard you loud and clear.”
“Good. I know it’s going to take some time to digest my wise counsel, but keep those words in your head. You pray hard, and you’ll figure it out. If you need more help, go see Pastor Brent.”
“Um … I’ll pray hard and figure out how to internalize your words, but Grams, I’m not going to Meredith’s dad to tell him what a crazy mess I am.”
“Oh … ha! I guess I didn’t think of it like that. You know Pastor Brent ain’t ever gonna judge anybody, but I can understand your reluctance to air your dirty underwear in front of your future father-in-law.”
Cruz’s stomach did a happy flip at the mere thought of being related to Pastor Brent. Could such a thing as marriage to the incredible Meredith be possible? For someone like him?
She patted his hand and pushed to her feet. “Let’s go eat some cookies.”
He stood and followed her. He’d indulge in cookies, and then he might have to go on another long hike to think about everything. He started praying in his head to figure things out so he could be with Meredith. If the good Lord and the saints above cared about him at all, could it be possible to work things out in his head and with that beautiful woman soon? In the next week sounded reasonable to him.
Chapter Twelve
Meredith spent a miserable day at work. The only bright spot was when Iris and Devon came in to see her. She’d forever be grateful to Devon for rescuing them from an Italian mafia jerk. Meredith thought he and Iris were just about perfect together. He was tall, dark, and good-looking with the mysterious spy vibe. She was gorgeous, blonde, and as sweet and happy as could be.
She took a break and went on a walk with them along one of the trails by the lake. Luckily, neither of them seemed to know she was stewing about Cruz, and though they did both mention how impressively talented Cruz was, making her long for him afresh, they talked mostly about Iris and Cat’s resort.
By seven, she was more than ready to go home and put her feet up. As she pulled into her driveway and climbed out of her Maxima, she had the odd sensation of being watched. Glancing around at the thick trees, she shook it off. She was just tired from not sleeping well the past couple of nights and the crazy interaction with Zane and Cruz last night. She gripped the pepper spray on her keychain more tightly.
Her small cabin didn’t have a garage, and she sure wished for one in the cold, snowy winter. Right now, she wished she could’ve driven into the garage and not had to walk from her car feeling like there were eyes on her back. She had the awful feeling of being a target.
All but running up her porch steps, she typed in the code on the deadbolt with trembling fingers, rushed into the house, and slammed the door. She checked all the deadbolts and checked that all the windows were closed, and then she cursed herself for being a scared little filly. She wasn’t like that. She’d lived alone for years and often worked odd hours while making treats at her shop by herself. She’d never been scared before, but the kidnapping last month had definitely given her a different perspective on her formerly safe valley. Devon was here watching over all of them now. She had to remember that. Cruz would watch over her too if she wanted.
She shook that off and started rummaging through the fridge for something to cook for dinner. If only Cruz were coming for dinner. She saw the takeout containers from last night and slowly pulled them out. She might as well eat them, but it was nowhere near as fun to eat them alone—without Cruz. She wished she’d at least heard from him today.
Movement by a window caught her attention. She glanced up and screamed out. A man stood looking in her window. He grinned back at her, and she recognized him as Josh, the guy who’d worked for Cruz. What was he doing here? He’d brought her home the night of Cruz’s barbecue, so she supposed it was her fault that he knew where she lived. It was more than a little creepy to have him just show up and stand at the window staring in. Maybe she was still just cautious after the kidnapping, but she thought it was more than that.
He gestured to the door and gave her a thumbs up.
Meredith walked on unsteady legs to the front door. Her front door was wood and glass, so she was facing Josh’s smiling face. It would be rude and awkward to not open the door, but she didn’t want to. She undid the deadbolt, staring at her fingers that were trembling. What was she doing? Josh hadn’t seemed like a bad guy to her, but he’d quit his job because Cruz told him to stay away from her. It seemed extreme that he would quit his job to try and be with her. She was uncomfortable right now.
Slowly turning the knob, she cracked the door but held on to it, hoping he’d catch the hint that she wasn’t inviting him in. She felt more confident knowing she could shut it easily if he made one wrong move. “Hey,” she said quietly.