“Yes.” She smiled. “Did you really tell that idiot you loved me?”
He nodded, but his smile tamped down. “I do, Mer. I have for years, but we really need to talk about some things.”
“We will.” She promised as she pulled his head down. “But first, we need to talk about this.”
He smiled as their lips met. Meredith forgot about any fatigue from a long day. She forgot about any worries. All that mattered was Cruz’s lips on hers and the happy, amazing truth. They loved each other.
Chapter Thirteen
Cruz and Meredith shared the leftovers from last night and then settled side by side on her couch to talk. Similar to last night, he’d hardly tasted the food, and he usually enjoyed every meal. He was nervous. How long had it been since he felt nervous? Even though his mom’s voice plagued him at inopportune moments, he had taught himself to be confident and assertive. He was such an expert in his field he rarely felt nerves anymore.
Meredith turned toward him, tucked one leg underneath, and took his hand in hers. She took a deep breath and said, “Okay, who goes first?”
He smiled and brought their clasped hands to his lips, tenderly kissing her knuckles. “I have a very serious question for later.” He winked at her and said under his breath, “Googling questions, but my goal tonight is not to get a door slammed in my face.”
She lifted her free hand. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of a hot mess regarding you.”
He chuckled. “You’re definitely hot, but I think I take the award on being a mess.”
“You said that earlier, but I don’t know that I believe you.”
He pushed his hand through his hair. “Oh, you’ll believe me, if you really want to hear about the demon in my head.” He hated revealing this side of himself to her, but he might lose her forever if he didn’t share and put it behind them. He needed to do it now.
“I want to hear it.” She tilted her head to the side, and her curly, black hair spilled over her shoulder. Cruz found he couldn’t resist brushing it back over her shoulder like he’d longed to do. Then he got distracted by the smooth skin of her shoulder, and then he got distracted by her alluring peach scent, and then he focused on her perfect and full lips. It was all downhill, or rather uphill, from there. He lifted her onto his lap and proceeded to kiss her, reveling in the feel of her in his arms, her lips lighting up his world.
Much, much later, she stared at him with those large, dark eyes and gently teased, “I don’t think you really have any intention of talking to me.”
He laughed when he wanted to groan. He didn’t want to, but he knew they needed to talk about his past. He lifted her off his lap and set her a half a cushion away. “If we’re going to talk without me kissing you, you have to promise not to touch me or look at me with those beautiful dark eyes, and especially don’t tell me you love me. I’m a goner when you do that.”
Her eyebrows arched up. “I can’t even look at you?”
He took a deep breath as if steeling himself. “Okay, that’s pretty extreme. You can look at me unless I get too tempted to grab you and kiss you, and then I’ll instruct you to look away.”
“That’s quite the plan.”
“There’s a slim possibility it’ll work.” He winked at her. She was incredibly tempting to him, always had been, but now that he felt he had permission to kiss her, he didn’t want to stop. There was also the fact that he didn’t want to tell her about his mom.
The room was quiet for a few seconds, and then she asked, “You’re going to tell me about the demon in your head?”
He nodded and studied his hands. “My mom.”
“You’re upset like Cat was at her for so many years. For running away with Stetson’s dad,” she clarified.
“No. I mean, that was repulsive, and they were stupid and selfish, but my issues with my mom go way back to childhood.” He focused on a picture of Meredith and her parents on the mantel as he spoke. “My dad says I was born with a grin on my face.”
“I can see that. I love that grin.”
How was he going to resist kissing her when she said things like that? He steeled himself and admitted, “My mom hated it.” He let himself look at her beautiful, sweet face. Could she even relate to such anger and meanness as his mom had in her heart? “She did everything she could to wipe my smile off.”
Meredith’s eyes widened. “That’s horrible.”
He shrugged. “She was grumpy and mean to my dad and Cat, but she reserved a special kind of torture for me. Always taking quiet little shots at everything I said or did. Every time my dad or Cat were out of earshot, she’d whisper to me how worthless I was.” He looked at his hands and realized he’d clasped them so tightly his knuckles were turning white. “You hear garbage like that your whole childhood and teenage years, you start to believe it.”
She put her hand over both of his.
He tried to joke, “I told you not to touch me, or I’d kiss you.”
She gave him a faint smile. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
He wanted to kiss her but knew he had to get this out. “I’ve never really told anyone all of this. Of course, Cat, my dad, and Grams saw some of it, but not everything. I thought if I took the brunt of it I could protect them. Thought I was being brave.”
“You are brave. Cat has told me she fought with your mom a lot, but nothing to this extent of belittlement. Did she not treat them the same?”
“I don’t think so. Unless they’ve both hid it from me like I hid it from them. My dad didn’t seem to bother her as much I did. He’s quiet and doesn’t upset anybody too much. Plus, she actually loved him, at least that’s what she claimed, but can you really love someone and cheat on them and betray them?” He lifted his hands. “I don’t know. She and Cat fought a lot, but my mom respected Cat fighting with her and standing up to her. She didn’t respect or love me at all.”
Meredith squeezed his hands. “I’m so sorry. Aww, Cruz. I can’t even imagine a mother not loving her child.”
“I tried to keep on smiling, being the show-off, putting on a happy face for the world. More than anything, I tried to make her happy. I couldn’t do it. Everything I tried with her backfired, and I was just an annoying ‘pain in her butt.’” He stared at Meredith’s beautiful face. “Sorry, you wanted the sob story, and you’re getting it.”
“It’s a sad story, and I want to know everything about you, Cruz. Of course, I do.”
He appreciated that, and so he continued quickly, wanting to be done with this. He didn’t like showing weakness, even to Meredith. “I escaped from her and the valley as soon as I graduated. I wanted to go prove to her that she was wrong about me. I wasn’t a failure, a fake, a show-off, but maybe I only proved the first one. I fake being happy more than I want to admit, and I’m definitely a show-off with my career.”
“I love that you choose to be happy. I think most people fight for a positive attitude and have to make that choice over and over again.”