I scribble a quick, apologetic note for Katja. I feel bad after all our plans for this afternoon, but she’ll understand…
As she and I live in the same block of flats, it’s easy for me to nip downstairs and get changed, and be ready and waiting outside when Marcus draws up, his red sports car attracting the usual glances of admiration. As I get into the passenger seat and he smiles across at me, my heart swells a little with emotion and pride, and I feel like I’m bursting to announce to the world, ‘This talented, amazing man is my father. My dad!’
When I’m in his company, his confidence seems to rub off on me. I feel like a more interesting, better version of myself, which I suppose makes sense. It really feels as if I’ve had this Marcus-shaped missing piece in my life all along, and I’ve just been waiting for him to arrive and make me feel like a whole person…
The audition is in a club in Essex, and as we drive there, the swaying of the car results in the return of my queasy stomach. I mention my hangover again, hoping he might slow down a little, because he seems to have forgotten I’m not feeling too good. But he says ‘no problem’ and slows down for a minute or two, then next thing I know, we’re back to taking bends at a dizzying speed. He’s clearly too consumed by his forthcoming audition to think of anything else, and I totally get it. Performing is like breathing to Marcus, so I do my best to ignore the chaos inside and focus instead on making the most of our day together. He keeps up a constant flow of funny stories about his time on the cruise ships, and I’m happy to just sit back and listen, wishing I could have known him then and seen him perform.
When we finally arrive at the venue – a concrete, one-storey building in a slightly run-down part of town – we get out of the car, and as he grabs his guitar, he says, ‘Do you want to wait in the car, Maddy, or do you want to come in? Up to you.’
‘Oh.’ I feel a lurch of disappointment. ‘Can’t I listen to your audition, then?’
He shakes his head. ‘Sorry, love, but they like things done a certain way.’ He shrugs philosophically, and I nod.
‘No problem. I…I’ll come in. If you don’t mind.’
‘Yeah. Of course.’ He strides over to the entrance and I try to keep up. ‘Come on, I’ll get you a drink. Vodka? Gin? Wine?’
‘Ooh, none of the above,’ I frown. ‘The hang-over, you know?’
He looks surprised. ‘You’ve got a hang-over? You should have said. Coke, then?’
I nod. ‘Sounds good. I could drink a lake dry.’
No sooner are we sitting at a table in the sparsely-populated club than a short, muscly man with a thick black beard is coming over to our table and taking Marcus away for his audition.
‘Break a leg,’ I call feebly, as they walk away, although my words fall on deaf ears.
I sip on my coke, making it last. Now that I’m at leisure to look around me, I’m realising that I’m the only female in the place, except for a thin, exhausted-looking bar person with long, dyed black hair. She looks about fifty and she seems to have piercings in a variety of eye-watering places. I’m fascinated by her. I’m a bit squeamish, so I admire people who voluntarily pay good money to have someone poke them with needles.
She ignores me completely, but the same can’t be said of the clientele, who seem to regard me as a bit of a novelty in the all-male environment. They’re all staring at me, and it’s making me really quite uncomfortable, especially after I’ve finished my coke and stared out of the window a hundred and fifty times, and Marcus still hasn’t returned…
I start thinking wistfully of the afternoon Katja had planned for us. A large fry-up, lots of girl talk, vegging on the sofa watching old episodes of Grey’s Anatomy…bliss!
At last, over an hour later, I look up and he’s walking towards me, beaming. ‘Sorry about that. Hope you weren’t too bored.’
I smile up at him, waiting for him to sit down and tell me all about it. ‘No, no, I’m fine. Did you get the job?’
‘Yup. First gig a week on Friday.’
‘Fantastic! Shall I buy you a drink to celebrate?’
He frowns at his watch. ‘Sorry. Need to get back. I have to pack and drive north later. Week-long music festival in the Scottish Borders.’
‘Oh, right.’ So much for spending the day together. I paste on a bright smile, wanting to be supportive. ‘Sounds exciting.’
‘Yeah, I did it last year. Nice audiences. You’re welcome to come back with me and watch TV or something while I pack?’
‘Er…no, it’s okay.’ Pushing away the sting of disappointment, I stand up and we go back out to the car.
‘Tell you what, how about you come with me next Saturday, when I do my charity thing in Sussex?’ he says as we drive back. ‘Then we’ll have a proper chance to talk.’
‘Charity thing in Sussex?’ My spirits rally a little. ‘You mean the dog snorkelling? Like you did last year?’
‘That’s the fella!’ He grins. ‘Actually, I’m not going to be around during the week to get fancy dress costumes organised. Could you…?’
‘Yes, of course. Just tell me what you need.’
‘Great! I’ll phone you.’ He smiles as he pulls into my street. ‘We’ll have a proper chance to chat on Saturday. I want to hear all about you. There’s lots of things I’m dying to know.’
‘There are?’ I grin. ‘Such as?’
He laughs. ‘Well, now you’re putting me on the spot. But I’m sure I’ll think of something!’
I look at his smiling, animated face and it suddenly occurs to me that actually, Marcus knows practically nothing of my life before we met up. We’ve only ever really talked about his stuff. Although, of course, that’s totally understandable, since his life is so much more fascinating than mine.
He grins across at me. ‘I’m not going to do any of the talking next Saturday. It’ll be your turn, okay?’
I nod.
He grins. ‘Okay? Promise?’
‘I promise. But…my life story is a bit boring compared to yours.’
‘Rubbish. You, my darling daughter, could never be boring!’ He gives me a radiant smile. ‘It was such a great day when we found each other.’
‘It really was.’ I smile at him, my heart swelling with gladness that he feels the same.
He shakes his head and laughs. ‘People can’t believe it when I tell them about meeting my long-lost daughter. Elaine was flabbergasted when she heard but she knew instantly what a great story it was.’
A slight shadow falls on my happiness.
I’d rather Marcus’s joy was more about having me in his life than what the story might do for his career. But I’m just being overly sensitive. He’s probably just as excited as I am that we’ve found each other. Everyone reacts differently to situations…
‘You are serious about performing at the Little Duck Pond Café fund-raising night, aren’t you?’ I ask, suddenly worried that he might have forgotten. ‘I’d hate to let everyone down. There’s a lot riding on this night for Fen’s food bank and the whole community.
‘Fund-raising night?’ He looks blank, and my heart sinks. Then he laughs. ‘I’m joking. Of course I’ll be there! It’s for a good cause, isn’t it?’