She nods quickly and I catch a flash of something in her eyes. Worry? Fear?
Is there something she’s not telling me?
‘So what did Dad say to him?’ I demand. ‘Why didn’t Marcus come back again later, when we were at home?’
Shaking her head, she says in a rush, ‘I really don’t know.’
‘I think you do know. Tell me, Mum. Please.’
There’s a long silence. Then she sighs. ‘Your dad told Marcus that it was for the best if he didn’t try to see you.’
I stare at her in mounting horror.
She rushes to explain. ‘It would have been completely different if Marcus had wanted to be involved right from the start, when you were born. Of course it would. I’d have happily let him be a part of your life. But, Maddy, he’d let two whole years pass before deciding to come and find you. And that made your dad and I wonder what his motives were. Apart from everything else…’
‘What do you mean “everything else”?’
But she shakes her head.
‘The fact is, his motives aren’t actually the point. The fact is, Marcus wanted to see me – his daughter - and you should have let him. He might have felt regret that he wasn’t there for me from the start. So instead of banishing him from my life forever, Dad should have told him to come back later.’
‘Yes, but you forget I knew what Marcus was like. I knew he couldn’t be trusted to keep his promises. And imagine if we’d allowed him to be a part of your life but then he let you down by failing to show up.’
‘Yes, but just because he let you down, not keeping his promises, doesn’t mean the same thing would have happened with me. I was his daughter. I am his daughter. Of course he’d have been different with me.’
‘You think so?’ She shakes her head. ‘Well, we weren’t so sure.’
‘So you agreed with Dad sending Marcus away?’
She looks down. And when she looks up again, there’s a plea in her eyes for me to understand. ‘I did agree with him, love.’ She tries to take my hand, but I pull it away. ‘It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. But maybe we were wrong. Maybe we should have given him a chance.’ Her eyes fill with tears. ‘Oh, Maddy, love, my only defence is that I was thinking of what was best for you. And so was your dad.’ She pauses. ‘And in a way, our thinking was proved right.’
I stare at her. ‘What do you mean?’
She sighs. ‘Well, if Marcus had really wanted you in his life, wouldn’t he have called again, hoping you’d be there that time?’
‘Yes, but he’d have known he wouldn’t be welcome here,’ I blurt out angrily. ‘Dad had already told him to bugger off!’
‘So? Maddy, there’s nothing in heaven or earth that would keep me from seeing you. You’re my child. I’d walk to the ends of the earth for you. I’d fight for you.’ She pauses. ‘If Marcus had been serious, he’d have come back.’
The lump in my throat feels as big as a golf ball.
‘I’m going,’ I say, springing up. ‘I have to think about all of this.’
Mum jumps up and tries to stop me, but I grab my coat and bag and walk out of the room.
‘Stay until your dad gets back!’ she pleads. ‘He wants to see you.’
‘Yes, well, I don’t want to see him! I don’t trust myself to be in the same room as him after finding out this latest twist in the saga of my birth!’
Storming home, my whole body is trembling and I feel sick.
Is there anything else they’re keeping from me that I’ve yet to find out about?
*****
Mum, Dad, Katja, Jaz, Jack…at this moment, it seems the only person I can talk to without fear of being crushed emotionally is Marcus! How ironic is that? When everyone else seems to want to bring him down in one way or another…
Arriving back at the flat, I kick off my shoes and my work clothes, rolling my trousers into a ball and hurling them at the wall. They drop onto my dressing table and scatter all the perfumes and jars of product. Instead of picking them up, I sit on the edge of the bed, my head in my hands and stare at the mess.
I’ve felt weighed down all day with negative thoughts.
Falling out with Katja and Jaz. Imagining Jack and Jo drawing closer in New York. And now the bombshell that I could have had Marcus in my life since I was two - if only Dad had let him in, instead of turning him away!
Right now, I’m so distraught I want to just leave Sunnybrook and never come back. I’ve had it with everyone. Well, apart from my sisters and Ellie, who’ve never done anything but support me. I’ll be sad to leave them. And Carrie, too. We’ve formed a real friendship since I went to work at the Brambleberry Manor Café.
But maybe destiny is pushing me onto a different path. There is an alternative that’s slowly taking shape in my mind.
It’s an exciting one. But could I really do it? Could I give up my life in Sunnybrook?
And go to London with Marcus?
Be spontaneous, says the little voice in my head. Go on, Marcus will be so proud of you for making the decision!
I pick up my phone and as I wait to connect, my throat feels as dry as wind-blown sand.
‘Marcus?’ I take a deep breath, then say it all in a rush. ‘I’ve decided I’m going to do it. I’m coming to London with you.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Next morning, after a restless night, I tell Carrie about the momentous decision I’ve made. To give up my job and move to London with Marcus.
I haven’t heard from him, which is a little worrying. I thought he might at least have phoned me back to say how pleased he was I’d made the decision. But I guess he’s busy at his music festival.
Carrie’s eyes widen. ‘Wow! You’re really going? I’ll really miss you, Maddy. Everyone will.’
‘Hm. Some more than others,’ I say bitterly. Then, ignoring the little flutter of panic inside at the thought of leaving the village, I paste on a smile. ‘I won’t miss Sunnybrook at all!’ Seeing her face, I add hurriedly, ‘I mean, I’ll miss our chats. I’ll definitely miss those. All your brilliant words of wisdom.’
Carrie flushes, looking pleased and embarrassed at the same time. ‘Words of wisdom? You make me sound like a Greek philosopher.’
I grin. ‘No way. You’re nicer and much more approachable than Socrates.’
‘Gee, thanks. I’m not made of stone, either.’
I grin. ‘I’m sure Adam will appreciate that.’
‘Oh, don’t! I’ve given up on that. It was just…silly.’ She flushes and laughs, and I give her a disbelieving look.
‘I’ve also agreed to do a charity thing with Marcus. Dog snorkelling. Whatever that is.’
‘Dog snorkelling?’ She grins at me. ‘Crikey. The mind boggles. Do you think it’s legal?’ Her face suddenly tenses up. ‘Don’t look now, but Jack’s just come in.’
Jack?
Instantly, my body is on high alert, my head is spinning and my ability to think logically packs its bags and walks out the door. He’s approaching the counter, a tense look on his face that could be a small smile or a grimace. Perfect Jo is nowhere in sight.