Carys: She’ll live.
Deacon: Wait! Score! Got one in the back with flowers.
Carys: They’re all going to the same place ultimately. But that’s cool.
Deacon: I’m getting a bunch of buckets and shovels.
Carys: We don’t need more than one of each. It’s just her.
Deacon: And me. And you. We need buckets, Carys. And shovels.
Carys: Ok. LOL
Deacon: What about this hat?
He sent a photo of something that looked like a pink bonnet.
Carys: For who? My grandmother?
Deacon: For Sunny.
Carys: That’s for a woman, isn’t it?
Deacon: I don’t know. Maybe?
Carys: Pretty sure that would eat up her whole head. Anyway, I’ve got a hat for her.
Then he sent a photo of himself wearing the bonnet. It swallowed his head.
Deacon: You’re right. Okay…moving on. Sunscreen.
Carys: Just get the highest SPF. One of the baby kinds with gentler ingredients.
He sent a photo of a tube of sunblock.
Deacon: This one is the best.
Carys: How do you know?
Deacon: Consumer Reports.
Carys: You’re checking Consumer Reports?
Deacon: Yeah.
That was adorable.
Carys: Thank you. Get that one.
Deacon: Does she have shades? You didn’t put them on the list.
Carys: No. But that might be a good idea.
Deacon: Got some little ones! Heading back now.
Carys: Okay :)
My smile faded. I’m going to miss this.
My heart felt like it was being choked. I kept staring at the phone as a tear fell down my cheek.
CHAPTER 17
Deacon
PSEUDO-FAMILY
After double parking the rental car outside our apartment building, I put my hazards on and ran upstairs to help Carys bring down our stuff.
“You ready to go?”
“Yeah,” she said, carrying Sunny, who already had on her sunhat.
I nudged on the hat. “She looks so cute in that.”
“Yeah, well, though her name might imply she likes the sun, her fair skin certainly doesn’t.”
“Well, Sunny, don’t you worry because Deek bought you sunscreen.”
When my eyes moved to Carys, I saw a huge smile on her face.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. Just happy to be spending this time with you.”
Her words hit me in the gut. She had no idea how down I’d felt all morning, though I was trying to put on a happy face. Every moment I doubted my decision to move. I hoped our trip would mean a break from the second-guessing.
The ride out to the Hamptons was long and congested—no surprise that everyone had the same idea with the weather being so nice. It had taken me a minute to figure out how to install Sunny’s car seat in the rental. It was rear-facing, but we could see her little face through a mirror Carys attached to the back of the seat. We played The Best of The Bee Gees for most of the way, which kept Sunny relatively calm. She even fell asleep at one point.
It was hard to believe I’d be leaving in little over a week. Even though I’d tied up most loose ends, mentally I was nowhere near ready to leave New York. I’d ended things with Rachel, the girl I’d been seeing—not that there was much to end. We hadn’t been dating for very long. We’d had fun together, but I knew there wasn’t a long-term future there, even if I hadn’t been leaving. Ending that hadn’t affected me in the least. Leaving Carys and Sunny, on the other hand? That wasn’t something I’d yet come to terms with. Leaving was going to have to be like ripping a Band-Aid off, because there wasn’t an easy way to say goodbye.
After the long drive, we finally pulled up to Adrian’s family’s house. It was a small cottage with two bedrooms—perfect for what we needed. Main Street was a walkable distance, and the beach only a short drive away.
Carys beamed as we walked into the bright space. “This is so amazing, Deacon. Look at all the sunlight coming in. Thank you again for inviting us.”
I carried Sunny inside. “Are you kidding? There’s no one else I would’ve rather brought with me.”
When Carys smiled, it literally hurt. I’d spent a lot of time burying my feelings for her. But doing that today felt impossible.
We set up the Pack ‘N Play in the room Carys would be sleeping in with Sunny. It wasn’t worth trying to find a crib for one night. Carys said Sunny sometimes slept in the playpen with no issues, so I hoped it worked out. Otherwise, I’d probably be the one up holding her all night. And secretly, I wouldn’t even mind, because the days of holding Sunny, being able to calm her down and make her smile, were about to be over. Soon, I’d be out of her life, and she likely wouldn’t remember me. I felt a pain in my gut, but Sunny forgetting me would be for the best, wouldn’t it? Isn’t that what I wanted?
I clapped my hands together to snap myself out of it. “You feel like hitting the beach first, or should we go grab some groceries so we don’t have to later?
“We still have a few more good hours of sunlight. I’d prefer to go to the beach when the sun isn’t as strong anyway. So maybe we hit the market first?”
“You wanna stay while I go, or do we bring her with us?”
“I’d like to go,” she said. “I want to pick out stuff to make a nice dinner.”
We got back in the car and drove to the nearest market, which happened to be an organic grocery store about two miles from the house. Carys was like a kid in a candy store, taking her time perusing the aisles. Sunny got a little antsy, so I carried her around and tried to keep her entertained while her mom shopped. I knew it was rare that Carys got to browse the aisles alone, so I wanted her to take her time and enjoy herself.
At one point, I took a seat with Sunny at a table in the eating area of the market. Since they sold prepared foods, it was basically a restaurant.
This woman seated at the table next to us smiled over at me. But when Sunny turned toward her, the expression on the woman’s face changed. My heart sank. It was exactly that look Carys had described getting from people. It felt awful. I suspected Carys never said anything when it happened. But I couldn’t help myself.
“Excuse me.”
She turned to me and smiled again. “Yes?”
“I couldn’t help but notice the way your expression changed when my little friend here turned toward you. I know you didn’t mean any harm, but you should know there’s no reason to feel differently about her. She’s the happiest baby I know. And the most beautiful. She can’t understand what your change in expression means right now, but someday when she’s older, she’ll be able to sense what people might be thinking when they look at her a certain way. So please save your sympathy for someone who needs it.”