I placed my hand on his arm. “I’ll be back, okay? I have to use the restroom.”
Without waiting for his response, I weaved my way through people to get to the single, unisex bathroom in the back of the place. After knocking to make sure it was empty, I entered and wiped the tears that were now falling down my face as I looked in the mirror.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Why didn’t you tell him not to leave when he expressed doubt? Maybe he would have listened. Maybe he would stay.
I knew that was crazy talk. It would have been selfish to convince Deacon to stay for my own self-serving purposes. But he seemed sad tonight, didn’t he? Almost like he wished someone would give him a good reason to stay. Despite my internal argument, I knew it was a losing battle. The sadness Deacon felt tonight was normal—fleeting. He’d go to Tokyo, settle into his new and amazing job, and never look back.
Visions of Deacon wandering amidst the bright lights and vibrancy of that foreign city ran through my head. He’d have his pick of any beautiful Japanese woman he wanted. And they’d all flock to the gorgeous, larger-than-life American man.
Someone knocked on the bathroom door. Crap. I’d spent way too long in here. Deacon was going to wonder what happened to me.
“Be right out!”
My eyes were still red. Deacon would know I’d been crying if I returned now. With someone waiting, though, I felt pressured to leave. I’d have to sneak outside for a few minutes before going back.
When I opened the door, a woman stood there. She looked pissed.
I walked past her and made my way to the exit. The cool outside air hit my face as I leaned against the brick building, planning to take out my compact and make myself look presentable before returning to the party. Hiding my tears with more makeup was going to be a challenge, but I would manage. Masking my emotions on the other hand? That had never been my forte, especially when they hit me as hard as they had tonight.
Before I had a chance to dig my mirror out of my purse, I heard his voice.
“Carys—Jesus. Adrian told me he saw you walk out the door, and I didn’t know what to think. I—” He stopped talking. “Are you crying?”
Am I supposed to deny it? A sniffle escaped me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see me like this. I came out here to get some air.” Looking down at the sidewalk, I said, “I feel so stupid that you caught me. It’s just…when you were saying all that stuff, how you were sad to leave, saying goodbye to Sunny, it brought out everything I’ve been feeling since the day you told me you were moving away.” I looked up. “Deacon, what if after Monday I never see you again? This sucks. And I’m sorry I’m not handling it better. I didn’t want to show it.”
I shut my eyes, regretting having let my vulnerability escape. Then I felt his hands wrap around my face. My eyes flew open, only to close again at the feel of his hot mouth on my lips. I might have stopped breathing for a second. My legs felt weak as I melted into him. When it hit me that this was really happening, I opened wider, letting his tongue inside and remembering all too well what it felt like on other parts of my body. But despite the intimacy of that night, this moment was different—more passionate than sexual. I tasted him for the first time, breathing him in like oxygen. And I couldn’t get enough.
He flicked his tongue to nudge my mouth open wider. His chest pressed into mine, my back still against the brick of the building. Deacon’s heart beat rampantly as our tongues circled in frantic competition. I lifted my hands and placed them around his head, pulling him deeper into me and inhaling his heady scent. The vague sense of people passing us registered, as did the muffled sound of talking around us.
His groan vibrated down my throat as he fisted my hair. “Fuck, Carys.”
I could feel his erection through his pants as it rubbed against me. My clit was throbbing with need. If he’d wanted to take me on this damn sidewalk, pretty sure I would have let him.
An indeterminate amount of time passed, our kiss lasting what felt like several minutes, neither of us willing to stop. I was certain this was going to make his leaving even worse for me, but that wasn’t enough to pull me away. Nothing could have torn me from the delicious taste of his hot lips or his intoxicating scent.
Deacon finally broke our kiss, but not before returning his mouth to mine to bite my bottom lip before letting it go.
He panted as he placed an arm on either side of me, locking me in against the wall. “Your fucking lips. I’ve dreamed about doing that for so long. And it was even better than I imagined. I could kiss you forever.”
“I wish you hadn’t stopped,” I said, my hands still wrapped around the back of his neck.
The streetlights reflected in his eyes. “I’m gonna go back in there and apologize to my friends, let them know I have to leave early. Half of them are so sloshed they won’t even care. Then I want you to come back to my apartment so we can talk. Okay?”
I had no clue what was left to talk about, but I nodded in agreement, still dazed as he walked away. I rubbed my bare arms as I waited.
A few minutes later, Deacon reappeared and grabbed my hand as I followed him to the curb. As luck would have it, an empty cab approached almost immediately. Deacon lifted his arm to flag it down. We both got in, and he gave our address to the driver.
I couldn’t believe he’d left his own party. Deacon gripped my hand as we sat close together in the backseat. His leg against mine was enough to keep my entire body on alert. I wanted to straddle him right here. But the vibe he gave off right now was not exactly a sexual one. I wished he would kiss me again, but he faced away. He seemed tense as he looked out the window, his knee bopping up and down. Whatever he wanted to say was clearly weighing on his mind, and he stayed that way—distant—the entire ride home.
After paying the cab fare, we exited the vehicle and made our way inside the building and upstairs. It felt strange passing my apartment without stopping in to check on things. Deacon fumbled with his keys before he finally managed to open his front door.
My heart pounded as I entered his place. It was the first time I’d ever been inside it alone, without Sunny. I got a look at myself in the mirror just inside his door, the one I knew my daughter loved. My lips were swollen, my lipstick smudged, my hair a mess. What is happening tonight?
Deacon still seemed tense as he threw his keys on the table. He hadn’t said a word to me since we left the restaurant. I looked around at his barren apartment. A box of stuff he’d apparently planned to ship to Japan sat on the floor. There was a large suitcase in the corner—no photos or artwork hanging. It made me incredibly sad.
“Can I get you a drink?” he asked.
“Maybe some water.”
I followed him into the small kitchen, noticing for the first time how similar the layout was to mine.
Deacon took a glass out of his cabinet before opening the fridge and pouring filtered water out of a jug. He handed it to me and watched as I drank it down in one long gulp. The water felt like rainfall over a desert.
He held out his hand to take the empty glass. “More?”
“No. Thank you,” I said, handing it back.
He slammed the glass down on the counter, harder than he’d probably intended to. His chest heaved as he stood across from me.
“Tell me to stay,” he finally said.