“What’s that look?” I asked, sliding my chair out.
“Nothing. Just happy to see you and curious to hear what you’ve been up to.” He snickered.
“You mean you’re curious about me falling off the deep end for a woman.”
“I never thought I’d see the day, man.”
“Yeah, well…it happened.” I took a sip, smiling behind my cup.
“I knew the second I met her that you weren’t gonna let her go.”
I squinted. “You did?”
“When I saw what she looked like, I knew you were in trouble. But the way you ran over there when that dude was talking to her at the party? That sealed the deal. I was like, how is this man gonna move halfway around the world when he’s clearly in love with this girl?” He chuckled. “Then you left your own damn party to chase after her.”
In love, huh? He’d just put a label on my feelings for Carys. I knew that was the official name for what I’d been feeling, but I hadn’t acknowledged it—not to myself or anyone else, least of all Carys. Maybe it was time I did.
“I’m glad I saw things clearly before I moved to Japan.”
“So, what does this mean—you guys shacking up yet?”
“No. I was able to keep my apartment. And we’re taking things slow, trying to get to know each other on a deeper level.”
He wriggled his brows. “I bet.”
“Yeah, that too. Lots of that. But we have time set aside to go out and be alone together. It’s not easy, so we make the best of whatever time we get.”
“So…if you don’t mind my asking, what the hell changed?”
“What do you mean?”
“You said before that you never wanted to get involved with someone who had a kid, that you didn’t want to be a father. Your feelings for Carys changed that? Like she has a magical pussy that makes you want to have kids?”
That made me cringe. And he’d just touched on my sore spot, the one thing eating away at me, the thing that made it impossible to fully exhale when it came to my relationship with Carys. I’d learned to appreciate Sunny in my life, but the fear of being responsible for her, of somehow letting her down, still paralyzed me. But the selfish part of me didn’t want to face my doubts right now—because I enjoyed being with Carys too much.
“I’m still working through that part,” I answered.
I wasn’t about to delve into all this with Adrian right now—or ever, really. This day had been perfect, and I wanted to keep it that way.
“I care about Sunny a lot,” I said. “And I want what’s best for her. Time will tell if what’s best for her…is me.”
“Okay, fair enough. I’ll stop prying. I just don’t want to see you getting in over your head.”
“I get it. Thank you for your concern,” I said. “I’m just going to try to be honest with her every step of the way.”
He changed the subject to Formula One racing, and I blew out a sigh of relief.
After Adrian left, I waited in line for a latte to take back to Carys. It had only been a couple of hours since we were together, but I missed her. I realized just how strong my feelings for her had become.
When the barista grabbed a venti cup off the stack for Carys’s drink, I asked if I could borrow a Sharpie to write something on it.
My heart raced as I waited. When the barista finished steaming the milk and poured the drink, she placed a lid on the cup and turned toward me.
“Venti one-pump vanilla latte for…” She paused. “I love you, Carys?”
I lifted my hand and smiled. “That’s me.”
CHAPTER 20
Carys
TOUCHDOWN
In the two months that followed, Deacon’s and my appetite for each other remained insatiable. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced. We had sex almost every night. He’d come over after Sunny went to sleep. We’d hang out, talk, drink wine, and ultimately go at it like animals. Then he’d go back to his apartment in the morning.
Fortunately, we had a date scheduled for later this afternoon. It was a cool, crisp Saturday in September, and I couldn’t wait to go out and enjoy the fall weather once the sitter arrived. Unfortunately, I’d gotten my period, so there would be no sexy times for once.
Deacon was running errands today, so he’d agreed to go to the store for me. He was supposed to be picking up super-sized tampons, among other things.
A text came in not long after he left.
Deacon: What’s the difference between Super and Super Plus?
Carys: Super Plus is bigger, more absorbent. But I don’t really notice a difference.
Deacon: Am I…Super Plus or Super? ;-)
Carys: Definitely Super Plus.
Deacon: So, you notice the difference then…when it comes to me?
I rolled my eyes.
Carys: Oh yes.
Deacon: Damn. I’d hate to be Regular. Or worse, Light. (Shivers) That would suck.
Shopping was always an adventure with this man. Deacon stopped texting, so I assumed he’d found what he needed and left.
A few minutes later, another text came in.
Deacon: Do you think Sunny would like this?
He’d attached a picture of himself flashing a huge smile and holding a mini toy shopping cart filled with plastic fruits and vegetables.
Carys: Hard to tell. But I think it’s adorable.
Deacon: Show her the picture. See if she reacts.
I brought the phone over to where Sunny was playing. She smiled when I showed her the photo. But I suspected it wasn’t the toy.
Carys: She smiled. But I’m pretty sure she’s smiling at you. She’s just as smitten as I am.
Deacon: I fucking love you, Carys.
My heart wanted to leap out of my chest.
Carys: I fucking love you, too.
Deacon: Not to be confused with loving to fuck you…because that I certainly do as well. But I fucking love you even more than I love to fuck you.
Since the day he’d come back from Starbucks with the coffee cup that said “I love you, Carys,” our phone calls and text exchanges rarely ended without him telling me he loved me. And hearing it never got old. It had taken me probably ten minutes to notice the message written in black Sharpie that first time, but when I did, I broke out in tears. Things had only gotten better since.
Everything was perfect, aside from the fact that I still didn’t understand why Deacon was so unsure of his ability to be a good partner. His actions proved otherwise. Something was missing, but I hesitated to push him for answers because we were in a good place. Still, his warnings haunted me. I sometimes worried that one day he’d wake up, realize the responsibility he’d taken on—and bolt.
* * *
At least for now, Deacon and I were masters at making the most of our time together. As soon as the sitter arrived later that afternoon, we went next door. Whenever we had alone time, we went to his apartment to have sex to make sure we got that in. Then we’d head out, grab a bite to eat, and enjoy the city. Today, rather than sex, I used the time in his apartment to pleasure him, sucking him off while I rubbed my clit until we both came together. After we were both sated, we showered and ventured out for our date.