“I was just going to see if your mother woke up. Are you going to school?”
“Yes. My friend is about to pick me up.”
“Have a good time.”
Absolutely. She had no idea. “Thank you.”
She headed upstairs as I continued to the kitchen. I made a sandwich and forced it down, grimacing because I had no appetite, as usual, and all food was tasteless. My life took a turn for the worse with Hayden’s distressing condition, my mother’s bad temper, and midterm anxiety, so it didn’t come as a surprise that I had recurring nightmares and couldn’t eat well. It was hard for me to smile, and I had difficulty focusing on anything other than Hayden.
Mel and Jess were trying to cheer me up, sending me funny texts all the time, but it felt empty. Everything felt empty when Hayden was in that hospital bed, trapped in a coma.
My phone vibrated, and I opened a text from Jess.
“I’m waiting in front of your house.”
“I’m coming.”
I texted her back and went to grab my jacket, feeling grateful because I could rely on her.
We had to sell our cars so we could pay for Lydia and our other expenses. My mother took a sick leave, but since she wasn’t able to work for at least a few more weeks, we were badly strapped for cash. She even suggested that I start working full-time, which was out of question. I wasn’t able to get angry at her anymore; I was already used to her outrageous propositions.
Mrs. Black offered me money, but I didn’t want to accept it. Still, she insisted on helping me, so I came up with a win-win solution. She was spending all her time in the hospital, so she needed someone to take care of the housekeeping. I told her I would only take her money if she let me help with the cleaning a few days a week, and she reluctantly agreed. She couldn’t know how much I needed this as a distraction. It was too cold and snowy for me to run, so work relieved me from the pent-up stress.
“Hey,” Jessica greeted me when I got in her car.
“Hey,” I replied and put on my seat belt. I was already shaking from the cold. A thick blanket of snow had covered the streets and houses, and its glimmering white matched the depressing gray of the morning sky. We hadn’t seen the sun for the last few days, which was seriously affecting my mood.
Jess started the car and turned on the radio. “How did you sleep?”
“I had another nightmare.”
She glanced at me before she headed down the street. “I’m sorry. I know we talked about this and you refused, but are you sure you don’t want to take any pills? They could help you—”
“No. No pills. I can handle this.”
“I get that you’re against them, but they can help you—”
“As I already told you, Jess, I don’t want to take those things.”
“Okay. I understand you. You remember what I told you about my therapist? She can recommend a therapist to visit—”
“I know, Jess. You don’t have to remind me,” I interrupted her again and regretted it immediately. I wasn’t being fair. She didn’t have to put up with me. “I’m sorry, Jess. I’m not a great company at the moment but still... I’m sorry. Besides, you know I’m hard up these days. More than usually, anyway.”
She heaved a long sigh, casting me a worried glance. “Yeah, I know. Sorry. And I know you won’t accept my offer to help you pay for a session, so I won’t ask you again.”
A couple days ago, Jessica had offered to pay for me in case I wanted to start therapy, but I couldn’t accept something like that. I hated being treated like a charity case.
I appreciated that she wanted to help me. My social anxiety had become worse, and I was more withdrawn, so there was no way I could allow anyone to examine me like I was some experiment. I refused to think about this possibility. I was stressed out just imagining it.
“Thanks, Jess.”
“So how’s Hayden?”
“Same. I keep reminding myself that’s a good thing because it means his condition didn’t deteriorate.”
“I wonder if he’s dreaming. I read a little about comas last night, and I found some pretty interesting stories.”
“Yes?”
She turned onto a new street. “Some patients experienced strange dreams or nightmares during their coma. They saw some unimaginable things. Others saw flashes of light. And some people could hear people next to them, but the real voices were mixed with the twisted reality of their own world.”
“I’ve read something like that too.”
“It’s fascinating.”
“Yeah, but it’s also scary. Imagine being able to hear everything or feel everything, but you can’t wake up.”
“Maybe Hayden will wake up but won’t remember anything that happened during his coma. Maybe he’ll feel like only a moment has passed.”
“I hope so.”
The snow started falling again, forcing the vehicles to slow down. The cheerful sounds of the indie pop, Jess’s favorite, coming from the radio did nothing to improve the way I felt. In fact, I needed silence, but I was already hard to be around enough, so I didn’t say anything. She’d told me once that music was a cure for her problems, but I couldn’t relate. Right now, the artist’s words about her undying love only brought heart-rending thoughts, so I shut her voice down and focused on the snowy canvas outside.
The nightmares sucked the last ounce of positive energy out of me, and all that remained was a depressed shell clinging desperately onto hope that Hayden would wake up and get out of this without major consequences.
The somber atmosphere between Jess and me was too heavy for us to pretend everything was okay, so we remained silent for the rest of our drive.
SCHOOL WAS A COMPLETELY different experience now that I wasn’t bullied anymore. It was unusual, and I had yet to come to grips with the fact that I was able to walk through the school without anyone attacking me. People didn’t stop gossiping about me, though; their curiosity was boosted by Masen’s and Blake’s change of heart, and I knew better than to hope they would stop.
As for Masen and Blake, they didn’t change their attitude toward Jessica and other “less privileged” students. Masen wasn’t as much of a problem as Blake, so when Jess and I reached the lunch line in the cafeteria, I looked around for any sight of him. These days, he tended to let out his frustrations by bullying various students, usually in the school’s backyard, and Jess was one of them.
Just as Jess and I took our trays of food, Blake and Masen passed us, and Blake bumped into her with his shoulder before she could see him. Some contents of her tray fell to the floor, instantly making her the main attraction of the lunchroom. She bent her head and hid her red face behind her hair, frozen in place.
“Oops. My bad.” He sniggered and continued to the lunch line.
I glared at his back, about to tell him off, but then he stopped at the end of line, and I was finally able to see his face. He looked horrible. The shadows beneath his dull gray eyes were a clear sign of a sleepless night, and it was painful to see.
I was supposed to be mad at him for how he treated Jess, but the longer I watched him stare at some spot on the ground, the more my anger dissipated. The tormented look shadowing his face twisted my stomach. He didn’t even try to hide it, and I couldn’t help but pity him. He and Masen were constantly visiting Hayden, and my heart broke a little each time they cracked some joke for his benefit with eyes that showcased their pain.