I started to read.
Baby girl,
What’s this, letter 203? I can’t believe we are in our fourth year. There has been rumours about us being deployed for our first tour in the next couple of days, but of course I can’t tell you where.
I am hoping that we get leave soon, that we get to come home.
But if the rumours are true, I’m not sure when I will next see you, and that breaks my heart even more than it already is.
How’s the dance studio going? I know I always say it, but I am so proud of you. You continued with your dream, but it just took a change of course. You get to teach your love for ballet. Sometimes our lives take a turn and we have no control over it, but I am a strong believer that our lives are mapped out for us and everything that happens is for a reason. Even though we sometimes don’t know what the reasons are, they soon make sense.
I would do anything to be home with you, laying behind you, burying my head in your neck and breathing in your intoxicating scent. Darcey Monroe, I don’t think you understand just how much I love you, just how much you make me feel. You have knocked me off my feet, baby girl, but in a good way.
Chase is doing okay, he has his good and bad days like us all. But his letters from you, Robyn and your mum keep him going. The days are long, but they seem to slip by in the blink of an eye, which I know doesn’t make sense. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s close. I know it is.
I wait for your letters, they are my little bit of hope and happiness, my escape from this harsh reality.
If we are being deployed, I’m not sure when I will next get to write you, but let it be known, I’ll be thinking about you. Always.
I still have the photo of you that I stole all those years ago from the summer fete. I call you my guardian angel to the other lads. Because you are.
I love you Darcey.
Promise me one thing?
Promise that you’ll write back.
I miss you.
Always mine, only yours.
Your king, Conor.
I held the letter close to my chest, wiping away my tears. As I grabbed the photo from my lap, there stood my beautiful Conor, a huge grin on his face, holding my photo. His green eyes glistened in the sunshine, his dog tags low round his neck, resting on a fitted white vest top. I missed just laying on him, my fingers tracing over his tattoos.
I stared out into the calm ocean that was just outside my window when I heard footsteps behind me, a glass of wine appearing in front of my eyes.
“There you go.” Robyn smiled. “I thought you would need it.”
“Thank you.” I smiled at her, folding the letter over and placing it on my lap. “You have one too.” I nodded my head back towards the worktop.
Her eyes lit up as she bounced over and grabbed it. “I’ll be back soon,” she said quietly as she slipped her finger under the envelope and walked towards the stairs.
It’s funny, I love getting the letters, I love reading them, but once they’re finished, your heart breaks all over again. It’s bittersweet.
I stood up from my chair and walked over to the fridge, grabbing the white wine before pouring a large glass for Robyn and leaving it on the side for when she came down. Her and Chase’s friendship had bloomed whilst he had been away. I always hoped they would actually get together properly, once he was home.
This was our routine; read our letters separately, cry, drink wine, talk and cry some more until we were so mentally exhausted we had to go to bed.
I woke the next morning, stretching then rolling over, smiling as the sun beamed through my window. My eyes focussed on the photo of Conor that was resting against my lamp. All his letters were in a glass jewellery box. Small enough to take anywhere with me.
I studied his features, even though I knew them so well. I liked just looking at him and wondered if he did the same as me.
From the moment I woke, up to the moment I fell asleep, he was on my mind, which made me feel like he was safe, as silly as that sounded.
I threw back the duvet and padded over to my white desk that sat underneath my large window. I loved the light in this house. All the walls were white throughout with accents of colours through accessories.
I had long, draping, white linen sheer curtains that were blowing in the gentle, summer sea breeze. I pulled out my chair, looking over the rolling green hills as I pulled out my notebook to write back to him.
King,
Thursdays are my favourite, because I hear from you. We are now on letter 204.
I had a cry after your letter at the thought of you being deployed. I know we knew it was a possibility, but the thought of it scares me, so much.
But each day that passes is one day closer to me seeing you. To me holding you. To me kissing you.
And I can’t wait.
I can’t believe this could be our last letter for a while. Every time there is a clear night, I walk towards the sea and look up at the stars and think of you, because I know you’re looking up at them too.
I still can’t believe the last time I saw you was four years ago, the last time I held you, kissed you, smelled you and felt you. You are always on my mind, never leaving for a second. You keep me going.
And when I’m asleep, you invade my dreams, which I love, because I somehow believe that our souls find each other whilst we are asleep, that we get to be together in spirit. And that makes me happy. But my God, baby, I can’t wait to be reunited with you for good. Even if it was for a day, that’s all I would need to get my fix from you that I so desperately need.
I miss you. So much.
And of course, I promise you.
Promise me one thing?
Promise that you’ll come home to me.
I love you.
Your Darcey.
Only yours, always mine.
I folded the letter, slipping it into the envelope so I could get it to the post office today. I normally have to wait at least two weeks before the letter comes back, but the fear was crippling me that I may not get one back anytime soon if he was getting deployed.
I hopped in the shower before throwing on my leggings and oversized vest. I walked downstairs to see Robyn sitting with a cup of tea.
“Morning, hun.” I smiled at her as I placed my phone, letter and bag on the worktop.
“Morning.” She smiled back at me.
“You okay?” I asked her whilst grabbing my hot cup of coffee.
“Yeah, not bad. Glad it’s Friday.”
“Me too, film night tomorrow? I feel exhausted,” I admitted, taking a sip.
“Tell me about it. Been a long few weeks.” She sighed.
“Long few years.” I nudged into her. “Hopefully not too much longer. What did Chase have to say?”
“The usual. He misses home, that they are rumoured to be being deployed in the next few days.” She shrugged. “I just want them both home.”
“I know, me too. Me too.” I nodded, finishing my coffee then grabbed my things. “You got a letter to send to Chase? Want me to take it?” I asked.
“No, it’s okay, hun. I’ll post it when I’m in the city.” She smiled sweetly at me.
“No worries, how is work going? Any big names to look out for in the book world?”
“Oh, there’s a few. I’ll bring you some of the new ones that are due out. I love my job, I basically get paid to read.”