“Dream job right there. How’s the hot CEO of CHP?” I swayed towards her.
“Carter Cole?” Her eyebrows raised, as she gave them a seductive wiggle. “Oh-so-dreamy and hot. His wife is a lucky lady.” She sighed. “Man, if only I was that little bit older, I could have met him five years ago and I could have been his wife. But I can perv over him, it’s nice to have a cheeky look when he does come down to the offices.” She winked then laughed as she grabbed her bag. “I’ll see you tonight, hun, dinner at mum’s tonight?”
“Oh, yes. And try and sneak a photo of him.”
“Just google him.” She rolled her eyes and walked out the door. I couldn’t help but laugh at her.
“Google it is. Spoil sport,” I muttered to an empty house with a ghost of a smile on my face.
DARCEY
It had been four weeks.
Four weeks and still no letter from him.
That could only mean one thing. They had been deployed to wherever the hell they were. All I wanted was to have one note, one call, one message to let me know they were both okay, that they were both safe.
I tried to keep myself busy, my ballet studio was booming with business and all my classes were booked solid which I was grateful for, but it was hard to concentrate when my mind was constantly with him. Wondering where he was.
I walked into the studio to set up for my first class of the day; my little ballet class. The children were so sweet, I loved their innocence and excitement they had every time they walked into the class.
I played the warm up music, smiling when I heard the door go.
“Miss Darcey,” they called out as they came running in, all wearing their light pink leotards, tutu’s and ballet pumps. My heart exploded.
“Hey.” I turned round, dropping to the floor and opening my arms as they came for a group hug. “You ready to dance?” Excitement was in my voice as they all screamed.
The morning flew and me and Robyn were at my mum and dad’s for dinner this evening. I only had two classes on a Friday as I liked to spend the afternoon with my family. It sort of became a tradition since Conor and Chase left for the army.
I was lazing in the garden, waiting for Robyn to finish work, the sun beating down on my skin. It felt nice to take in the quiet for a moment.
I heard my mum call out to me from the kitchen. “Darcey, there is someone at the door. Could you see who it is please?”
I rolled my eyes as I dragged myself off the sun lounger and walked back into my parents’ home, through the kitchen and down the hallway towards the double oak doors. I pulled both handles and opened them at the same time, my heart shattering in my chest when I saw an army sergeant standing in front of me, slowly removing his hat.
I knew what was coming. My legs felt weak beneath me as I screamed at the top of my lungs for my mum. She came running down the hallway, her eyes wide as she saw who was at the door.
“Mrs Sawyer. May I come in?”
She stood aside as she let him through and walked us to the lounge, sitting down next to me. My hands were shaking, my skin cold and clammy.
"The commandant of the British Army has entrusted me to let you know that Chase is missing in action. Him and his colleagues were in a Humvee, driving back to base, when their vehicle was hit by the enemy.”
I grabbed my mum’s hand, squeezing it as her other hand went up to her mouth as she let out a high scream before sobs fell from her eyes. Panic rose within me as the tears began.
The sergeant continued. “I have also been asked to inform you about Conor Royce. We have you down as his next of kin,” he muttered to my mum.
The blow of the news of Chase hit me like ten-ton of bricks, and now we were going to be hit with Conor.
I looked at my mum, she was as white as a ghost, rocking back and forth as she sobbed uncontrollably. My arms stretched around her, trying to comfort her. My eyes darted to the sergeant as he shuffled in his seat, a grimace apparent on his face.
“Conor Royce was also in the same Humvee…”
Before he finished, I howled. An uncontrollable sob leaving me from deep within.
“But when the Humvee was checked, none of the squadron were in there. They are all missing in action. We will be sending a band of troops out,” he said quietly, his fingers wrapped round the cap of his hat.
I felt the air being knocked out of my lungs in that moment, my heart obliterating into nothing but shards as they pierced through me, cutting me so deeply.
“We will be in contact if we get any news on Chase and Conor, Mrs Sawyer. I am terribly sorry to have to bring you this news. You will receive a phone call when we have updates.”
His mouth pressed into a thin line as he saw himself out. I dropped my arms from my mum’s body as I stood on shaky legs, getting to the bottom of the stairs and crawling up until I got to the landing. Pulling myself up on the stair bannister and walking slowly towards Conor’s room, everything blurred around me.
An unbearable weight crushed in my chest, a burn scalding my throat, feeling like acid crawling up and dissolving my wind pipe.
I couldn’t breathe.
My stomach was in knots of grief.
I pushed the door to his room as I fell to the floor, heart-breaking sobs leaving me. Both of the men I loved with all my heart were missing. The awful thing is that me and my mum will endure this pain again when we break the news to Robyn and my dad.
I can’t imagine feeling what my mum is.
I crawled under his duvet and cried. I cried until I had no tears left, my eyes dry but sobs still escaping. I cried until the room went black, and I exhausted myself into darkness.
Remember that black hole I went into four years ago? I was spiralling back into it again. But this time, I didn’t have him to pull me back out of it again.
I woke the next morning, my head fuzzy. It was just a dream, a bad nightmare.
I sat up in bed, heart palpitations flitting about in my chest when I realised I was in his room, Robyn still asleep next to me wearing some of Chase’s clothes.
It wasn’t a dream.
This was real life.
We were living this nightmare with no guarantee of when it would end.
I tiptoed out of bed, not wanting to wake Robyn. I felt like I had grit in my eyes, I had hardly slept.
I walked downstairs to see my mum sitting at the kitchen table, staring into the garden. Her eyes were bloodshot and red, her lips cracked, and her nose red underneath where she had been wiping her nose with a tissue.
“Mum,” I said softly, pushing my own grief and feelings down, so I could get through a conversation with her.
Her face turned towards me slightly, she was a ghost of herself sitting there.
“Did you get much sleep?” I said, standing next to her.
“No.” Her voice was small. I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her into me.
“Let me make you a tea, then go to bed. Even if it’s to watch the tele and have some quiet time,” I said a little louder, my voice echoing round the room as I walked through the kitchen to put the kettle on.
I heard slow, dragging footsteps coming down the hallway. My dad. Grey, broken and beside himself. My mum stood slowly, wrapping her dressing gown round her tiny body as my dad smothered her with his arms as they both let out choked, silent sobs.
I placed their tea on the dining room table, standing next to them, wrapping my arms round them before leaving the room whilst pushing my own tears off my cheeks. I made my way back into Conor’s room, rolling myself in a ball and falling back into sleep.