Everything happens for a reason.
Now, I get to teach the dance that I love so passionately, and to see your students go on to do massive sell-out shows, and get into the royal ballet, is just phenomenal. I am in awe of them and feel like I get to live the dream I so cruelly missed out on through them.
I park outside my dance studio, locking my car and walking into my building. I set everything up and get the music ready, when I saw them walking in.
“Morning, guys,” I called out as I sat on the floor to stretch. I still liked to join in where I could, when my leg allowed it.
“Morning, Ms Sawyer,” Blaire called out, Thea, Florrie, Charles, Nate and Vaughan walking in behind him. They dropped their bags in the corner, all sitting down to kick their trainers off and slip into their pumps. They had chosen to do Odette’s dance from Swan Lake. It was a popular dance, but it was a classic. And the judges loved a classic.
We had two weeks to get them to where they needed to be. I had every faith that they would all smash it and pass with flying colours.
“Okay, class of twenty nineteen, step up to the barre, please,” I said as I clapped my hands to get their attention from their chitter-chatter. “Guys, come on. You have two weeks, don’t get distracted now.” I laughed as I played my playlist.
“First position and straight into a plie,” I called out as I slowly walked up and down the room, watching their every move, watching to see if they put a step out of place. That’s all it would take. One step out of place, or one wrong move. Fuck, even missing a beat on your chosen track was enough to get you thrown out of your exam. And I didn’t want that for these kids, they were too good.
CONOR
Present Day
I couldn’t believe today was the day I was going home. I didn’t know if Darcey and the family had been told that I was coming home today or not. I hadn’t been told much to be honest, so I assumed that they hadn’t either.
I was sad that I wouldn’t be going home with Chase, but he was in the best place. But yet, that still didn’t make it easier. I felt guilty for going home without him. We started this journey together and now we were going home separately. I wanted us to end our journey together. I would never get the images out of my head of how he looked when he was found. They haunt me. They will always haunt me.
His screams were the worst. He wasn’t the Chase I knew. Of course he was in there, but he was so deep down inside his own body, I was scared they would never get him back, but I was assured he is making progress. I went to see him this morning, to check on him and tell him that I’ll be waiting for him. He was coming back, slowly. There were glimpses of the real Chase there when he spoke, when he reminisced with me about our life before the army.
It had already been decided that Chase would not be re-joining the army for another tour, and I agreed. He belonged at home with his family and Robyn. He told me on the bus that him and Robyn were trying to make a go of things and that she was nervous that Darcey would hate the idea.
I remember laughing at him and telling him not to be stupid, of course Darcey wouldn’t hate the idea. I told him that she would love nothing more than her best friend and her brother to be together. He still didn’t believe me.
I packed the last of my items into my duffel bag, placing my tin of letters on top of my clothes, smiling as I looked down at them before doing the zip of my bag up. I wanted to show her every single letter that she had wrote to me. I sat on my bed, my duffel bag on my lap as I sat anxiously waiting to be told that we were leaving.
I was called into the lieutenant’s office yesterday morning, along with the therapist. Harper was called in to tell Tyrell that she was happy with my progress. I was off of my meds and had been since a month ago. I did hit a bit of a darker patch, but Harper caught it just at the right time, which I am forever grateful for. I am just hoping she can fix Chase like she fixed me. She needs to. I needed my best friend back, Zara and Tanner needed their son back, Darcey needed her brother back and Robyn needed the love of her life back and safe.
I hardly slept last night, I was full of anxiety and apprehension. I felt like I had a balloon in my chest that was slowly inflating until the tightness got so bad, my heart started racing, palpitations making it seem as if my heart was on a pogo stick, jumping all round my damn ribcage. The knot in my stomach twisted continuously, making me feel sick. My palms were sweaty, which I couldn’t control. My breathing ragged and harsh.
I was terrified.
What if she had moved on in the last eight months? It’s not like the army had kept in touch with her or the family as such. She may have thought I was never coming back. I don’t think I could take it if she had found someone else, she was the one for me. She promised me that she was only mine.
Mine.
And I was always hers. No one else’s.
No one else could compare to her, it was always her.
The realisation hit me. I couldn’t be mad though, could I? If she had moved on, she had every right to. I couldn’t stop her.
You can’t help who you fall in love with.
How can I stop her from being happy? I couldn’t bear to think about it, but it’s something I may have to accept. And if she has moved on, I would do everything in my power to get her back. I couldn’t live without her. She was the reason for my existence. The reason for me waking up in the morning and breathing. She was all I wanted, all I needed.
I felt like my brain and heart, the devil and the angel on my shoulder were playing tennis, batting their different thoughts around.
Tyrell cleared his throat. “You ready to go home, Royce?” A small smile graced his aged face, his grey hair cropped and short, fully-clothed in his uniform, the same as me.
“I am,” I said, standing up from the bed and placing my beret on my head before putting my duffel bag over my shoulder and walking towards him.
“You did your country proud, son,” he said as I stood in front of him and saluted him. His arm reached up to his head as he saluted back to me. I waited for him to drop his arm before I dropped mine, then bowed my head as I followed behind him.
I didn’t know where I was, and how long it was going to take me to get home, but the day was finally here.
I was going home.
The drive was long, and quiet. So deathly quiet. I kept wanting to spark up a conversation with Tyrell, to ask him about his home life and family, but I couldn’t quite pick up the courage. I felt like a shadow of myself, not quite sure if the old Conor was ever coming back.
“Where am I dropping you, son?” His eyes pulled off the road for a moment as he stared into mine.
“Err, just drop me in the high-street. I’ll find my way,” I mumbled.
“Do you not want to go home?” he asked, confused.
“I do, I’ve just got to do something first.” I smiled at him before my eyes batted down to my duffel bag that was on my lap, my fingers clenching tightly to the ends of it.
“Not a problem.” He nodded. “Do you think you’ll sign up for another tour?” he asked, this time keeping his eyes on the road.
“I’m not sure yet, how long have I got to decide?” My voice was small and quiet, my heart thumping in my chest.
“A few months. Normally, you would be re-registered automatically, but because you were injured, it is your choice,” he said bluntly.