“Were Parker and John okay?” I asked quietly, trying to process everything that had just been offloaded to me.
“Parker, yes.” His voice was now quiet. “John, unfortunately not.”
I wiped a stray tear from my face at the news we had lost one of our own.
“Rest up, Royce. Once you’re feeling up to it, rehab and counselling will be arranged,” he said as he stood up, putting his hat on.
“Can I make a call?” I asked, desperate to hear Darcey’s voice.
“No, not at the moment,” he said before walking out the room, not giving me a chance to answer him.
Anger bubbled inside me, my stomach twisting in knots, my eyes stinging as the tears began to fall again.
I felt broken.
I just wanted to go home.
I woke the next morning, the nurse placing breakfast on my over-bed table.
“How are you feeling this morning?” she asked me, smiling as she put the plate down.
“Sore.” I sighed.
“Once you’ve had your breakfast, I’ll come back and remove your dressing and check you over.” She nodded before walking out of the room.
My eyes looked down at my toast and cup of tea, a small groan leaving me. The toast tasted of cardboard, the tea like cat piss. Not that I knew what cat piss tasted like, but still. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t call home to let them know I was okay. It’s more Darcey, she must be going out of her mind.
I didn’t even get the chance to see if she replied to my last letter or not.
I pushed the toast away after only managing a mouthful when the nurse came back in.
“Not hungry?” she asked.
“No.” I sighed heavily.
“You need to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.” I rolled my eyes, shrugging my shoulders. I heard her tut and let out a sigh, but I ignored her.
“Okay, let’s get these dressings changed,” she muttered to herself, washing her hands under the tap before walking over to me. “Sit forward please,” she said as she slipped her gloves on.
I winced as I moved forward, her fingers fumbling on the string that was tying my gown together, undoing it and pulling the gown down my arms before pushing me back slightly. My eyes looked down, the dry blood and ooze that was sitting on the white, cotton dressing made my stomach go. Not because I was squeamish, but because it just made it all real. It hit home.
I tossed my head back into the pillow, staring at the ceiling, letting out a deep sigh.
“You okay?” she asked as she started undoing the dressing, her voice showing her concern.
“Yeah, fine.” My voice was soft and quiet.
“I like your tattoos,” she said, hearing the smile in her voice I pulled my head forward, looking at her, smiling back at her.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome, do they have any meaning?” she asked as she continued undoing the bandage.
“Some do, some I just had done for the sake of it.” I shrugged.
“Do you regret any?”
“No, not a single one.” I tilted my head, taking a deep breath as I felt her peeling the bandage away from my skin.
“What’s your favourite one?” she asked me. I think she was trying to keep me distracted, and it was working.
“This one,” I replied, my voice cool and calm. I looked down and pointed to the one of Darcey before smiling.
“She’s beautiful,” the nurse cooed.
“You have no idea.” I nodded.
After five minutes, the dressing was off. She walked it over to the orange bin in the corner of the room before coming back over and looking it over.
“How’s it looking?” I asked, anxious.
“Not bad, still a bit oozy but that’s normal. We changed it a few times whilst you were asleep but maybe a bit of air will do it good.” She nodded to herself. “We will get you up in a bit, stretch your legs,” she muttered as she walked over to my file, jotting down her notes.
My curious eyes wandered down to my chest and to the bullet holes sitting above my left nipple. How they didn’t go through my heart, I would never understand. But then it hit me, it was her. My guardian angel. I was meant to return to her.
I wanted to touch them, but I couldn’t. Trying to get your head round being shot twice was something I couldn’t explain. I was lucky. I was one of the lucky ones, I knew that.
My mind was swirling with questions. What if the rescue team didn’t show up? The bullets would have gone straight into my skull, killing me instantly.
“Okay, Conor, I’ll be back in about an hour. Can I get you something else to eat?” the nurse asked as she stood by the hospital door, pulling me from my dark thoughts.
“No, thank you.” I smiled weakly at her. She bowed her head before walking out and closing the door behind her. My head fell back, my eyes heavy, my chest crushing. It was all too much.
A week had passed, and I felt a lot stronger already. My therapy started this week. I didn’t want to talk to a stranger, but I knew I had to.
I was being moved from the hospital and into a rehabilitation centre for God knows how long. There had been no update on Chase, and no update of when Darcey would be told that I was okay.
Maybe they were holding out for news on her brother before letting me home?
I really didn’t know.
I had a small bag of my clothes brought over from base which I was taking with me. I sat on the edge of my bed, my letters from Darcey were also in that bag, along with the one she sent me after we were deployed. Smiling, holding back the tears, I read it in my head.
I promise.
It’s always been you.
Only you.
Promise me one thing?
Come home, I need my groom.
Only yours, always mine.
Love Darcey x
“I promise you.
I do.
I will be home.”
I whispered to the letter, it’s the only promise I could keep.
She asked me to look after Chase, and I couldn’t do it.
I broke my promise to her.
I felt like a disappointment.
How could I face her if something has happened to him? She would never forgive me.
Fuck, I could never forgive myself.
I looked up to the door when I heard it open to see the lieutenant walking towards me.
“Royce,” he said abruptly. I stood, saluting him before grabbing my bag and walking towards the door. I ushered past him and stood in the hallway, waiting for him.
“Give me your bag,” he instructed. I handed it over to him. “You need to take it easy,” he said as he started walking beside me.
“I know, I know,” I huffed. “I just want to go home.”
“I know you do, soldier, but I need you better first. You can’t go home. Not yet, it’s too soon,” he said with a grimace.
I stopped for a moment, clutching my chest, taking a few deep breaths. I felt breathless all of a sudden.
“Everything okay, Royce?” lieutenant Tyrrell asked, gripping my shoulder.
“Yeah, just a bit breathless,” I admitted.
“Don’t rush. Take it easy. We’ve got all the time in the world.”
We didn’t.