Fuck.
I contemplated going back, but I didn’t want to. Not yet anyway. I didn’t want to fight with her, but I felt like I was suffocating.
I didn’t know where I was going. I just knew I needed to walk it off.
I took my trainers off as I walked along the shoreline, the cold sea nipping at my toes. I was completely cool now.
Darcey had text me, telling me to take my time. I felt like a complete arsehole snapping at her like that. I knew I had issues, I knew I had to sort them. Don’t get me wrong, Dr. Harper helped, so much. She bought me back from my darkest place, but now it was time to open up and talk to Darcey. I knew talking would help. You can’t help but instantly feel better and feel the humungous weight lift that crushes me daily.
It doesn’t help that Chase isn’t here. I want him home with us all.
I am anxious about going home today, I can’t help but feel that Zara and Tanner will be heartbroken that I am the one that is home and not Chase. I know they see me as one of their own after I basically moved in, after my mum overdosed and my dad fucked off.
I still remember the day, it was a Sunday. I had come home from The Sawyers. I didn’t normally come back, maybe once every two weeks. I don’t know what made me go home that day, maybe it was a sixth sense? I opened the door to the shithole, a stench of gone-off milk and rotting food making my stomach turn.
I had a shitty childhood. An only child, my mum was more interested in her drugs and my dad used to like beating me down when things didn’t go his way. He worked, he tried to provide, but after my mum had me, she just couldn’t keep up the clean life that she had before me. She was an addict as a teen, my dad thought he could be the knight in shining armour and save her, which he did. For a while.
She fell pregnant with me, she was lonely and hit a new time low which caused her to relapse. It was the norm for me, seeing my mum taking pills and jacking up every day before she laid on the sofa, passed out from her poison. That’s the only way I remembered her. She wasn’t the loving mum who couldn’t wait for me to come home from school and ask me about my day. I never had playdates. I was lonely, being an only child and not having many friends. I put everything into school, which is why I was a gifted student that got into Buck Hall.
I was the shiny new toy, and I wasn’t going to go unnoticed anymore. I was going to leave my mark, my stamp.
Then I met Chase. He was the first one to say hello to me, the first one to make me feel welcome. I decided there and then that we were going to be friends forever. He was too good for me to lose. He helped me when no one else could. I was angry all the time, I liked being a dick around the school. I could do whatever I wanted, people were intimidated by me.
Then I met Darcey. God, I loved her from the first time I laid eyes on her. She made me feel complete, the half that I was missing. But I couldn’t help being mean to her, because she was my kryptonite. And I didn’t want to show anyone that, especially her.
I was an addict for Darcey Sawyer. I didn’t want to fall for her, but I did, so fucking hard. All I knew how to do was push her away, but not completely. No. I had to ruin her school experience because I wanted to be on her mind twenty-four-seven.
I left my mark on her.
I was always going to redeem myself, make me the perfect guy. I always knew I was going to be with her, I just needed to bide my time for her to realise that she wanted to be with me too.
I sighed as I sat on the shoreline, throwing pebbles into the ocean. My mind drifted back to the day I found my mum.
My dad was at work on a double shift as a security guard. I walked into our dingy, dark lounge to see her sitting on the sofa, a needle still in her arm. I didn’t even need to go and feel for her pulse, I could see she was already dead.
My heart broke right there and then, falling to the floor as I sobbed for the loss of my mum. Part of me felt glad that she had moved on, was free from her demons, but the other part was distraught that I had lost her.
Yeah, okay, she was no mum of the year, but I knew she loved me. Somewhere deep down. Once I had stopped crying, I called my dad, telling him. He didn’t return home until three hours later, stinking of booze as he kicked the door down. I was still on my knees on the wooden floorboards of our lounge, anger seeped out of me as he just walked past her.
I stood up, I remember feeling so strong, but I was so scrawny and little at that point, but I think the grief and anger inside me pushed me towards him. I screamed at him as I punched him in the nose then swung for him again, hitting his jaw. He fell back, wiping the blood from his nose as he came for me, laying into me, punch after punch.
I didn’t care at that moment, I didn’t care if he killed me.
I fell to the floor, my nose and lips bleeding, yet he didn’t stop. He began kicking me in the stomach, spitting and cursing at me when relief swept over me as I heard the door open. The ambulance and police crew arrived. I had called them about half an hour earlier. I didn’t know my dad was going to be here, but was glad he was, because now I could get out of this hell-hole.
I was ushered out by a friendly male police officer who sat me in the back of one of the ambulances as I was checked over. My eyes were throbbing, and my ribs were sore, but I was okay. I asked the officer if I could make a call. He smiled and handed me his phone as I dialled the only number I knew. Chase’s.
Zara flew down with Tanner, by this point social services had been called as I was still a minor. I didn’t hear the ins and outs, but I was taken with Zara. She was my guardian. In every sense of the word.
I wiped my eyes; small tears had escaped as I reminisced about my broken past.
I pushed myself off the ground, slipping my trainers back on before walking towards the high street.
I didn’t know where I was heading, I just carried on walking.
I found myself standing outside a motorbike shop in the town. God knows what bought me here, but something did. I pushed the door open, my eyes looking around the room to seek out which one I would buy. I noticed a black Ducati Monster in the corner.
I did my bike license when I was nineteen, not sure why, seemed like the fun thing to do. The young salesman walked towards me, smiling as he saw my interest in the bike.
“Good morning, can I help you?” he asked.
“I’ll take that bike, please.”
A couple of hours later, I was driving down the beach towards Darcey’s house. I didn’t even know if she would still be there or whether she was at her dance school.
Plus I needed to apologise.
I parked the bike outside the back of her house as I ran up the steps. I tried to open the patio door, but it was locked. Shit.
I looked at my phone, it was nearly midday. I ran back down the stairs and hopped onto the bike, moving to the road and making my way to her studio. My thoughts rattled, trying to think what I was going to say to her. I didn’t want a big elaborate speech, but I wanted to say more than sorry.
My heart was like a jackhammer when I saw her car parked outside. I pulled up behind it, pulling my helmet off and placing it on the seat before climbing off the bike and walking towards her studio.
I stood outside, taking a deep breath before walking through her door, my eyes searching for her. A small smile graced my face when I saw her standing in the corner, her eyes on mine.
I walked towards her, my strides big so I could get to her quicker. I stood in front of her, towering over her and taking her face into my hands, my lips hovering over hers.