“How is he?” my dad asked me as he put his arm behind me on the sofa.
“Not great, not sleeping and having vivid nightmares. One minute the old Conor shows himself, but he soon reverts back to his haunted self.” I sniffed. “It’s really sad. He is full of guilt and regret because he is home and Chase isn’t.” I wiped a tear from my cheek.
“He shouldn’t feel guilty,” Robyn said quietly.
“I know, I told him that. But he is fighting his own demons. Fighting his thoughts and guilt. He feels like he let me down, let us down. He keeps saying he broke his promise,” I said quietly.
“What promise?” Dad asked.
“When we said goodbye, I said for him to promise that they both come home.” My bottom lip trembled as I tried to fight the urge to burst into tears.
“And they both didn’t come home...” Robyn trailed off.
I bit my lip and nodded, my eyes filling with tears as I palmed them away, but they started to fall when I heard my mum and Conor walking towards us. My head turned round, looking at both of them, their eyes red and their faces blotchy from the tears.
Conor’s face dropped when he saw me crying, he ran to my side.
“Baby girl, why are you crying?” he said quietly, scooting towards me.
“I’m okay.” I smiled, his face not buying my bullshit. “Honestly, I’m okay.”
I lifted his arm up and snuggled underneath it, sitting as close to him as I could, his scent filling my nose.
“Hey.” Robyn smiled at Conor, giving him a small wave. He smiled back at her, holding his hand up.
“Good to have you home, son,” my dad said as he leant over me, patting Conor on the leg and giving him a wink. Conor darted his eyes down to his lap, and I felt him inhale sharply.
“Glass of wine anyone?” my mum called out.
“Please,” me and Robyn said in unison.
“Yes please, babe, just finishing my tea,” my dad replied, taking his last mouthful.
“Conor?” my mum asked, her eyes focused on him.
“Just a small one.” He nodded before his eyes came back over to me.
After a couple of glasses of wine, we were sitting in the lounge. I was cuddled back into Conor on one of the sofa’s, and he seemed a bit more relaxed now he was here. Hopefully the wine would help him sleep a bit better tonight.
“Conor, tell me to piss off if you don’t want to talk about it, but, what was the army like?” Robyn was sitting at the other end of the sofa that me and Conor was lazing on. My eyes went wide, boring into her. Panic started rising in my chest, I’m sure you could see it thumping out of my chest like you used to see on Looney Tunes.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” he said flatly, rubbing his lips together before shuffling up the sofa, taking me with him.
“At first it was exciting, it was the unknown. The training was hard and gruelling, but it was fun. Kept you busy, kept you from missing home twenty-four seven. Don’t get me wrong, you missed home all the fucking time.” His eyes darted to my parents. He may be twenty-four, but he was still respectful.
He gave them a playful smile, his eyes twinkling at them. My heartbeat had slowed, another sign that old Conor was still very much present, he just needed coaxing out of his black hole. Slowly, gently, patiently.
His eyes flitted back to Robyn, his hand rubbing my thigh slowly as he continued speaking. “But after a few months, the excitement fades and the thought of not coming home for four years really hits you. Getting the letters from Darcey, and Chase getting them from you Robyn,” his voice quivered, “They made our weeks… Fuck, I can’t even explain how they made us feel. I couldn’t do the feeling justice even if I tried.” He shook his head, squeezing my thigh.
“We were quite lucky to not get deployed for four years, but again, excitement fills you, adrenaline kicks in. You’re fighting for your country, and what an honour that is. But then the nerves kick in, you get scared. You don’t sleep, you’re on edge all the time. Your friends get injured or even worse killed…” his voice dropped off, his eyes closed, his brows furrowed.
“Some weren’t lucky enough to come back home.” His eyes opened slowly, hazy and glassed.
I turned my head to face him, gripping onto his hand. The conversation needed to stop, he was doing so well.
“Robyn, how’s work going?” I said quickly trying to change the subject and not get him to disappear again.
“Yeah, okay, really busy, which is good. They’ve put a vacancy out for a new security, not sure if it’s for the business or Carter, but he sent an email yesterday.” She shrugged, picking the bottle of wine up and filling her glass, holding it out towards me. I took it off of her and poured some into mine and Conor’s glasses.
“Could you get me his number?” I heard Conor’s gruff voice.
“Carter’s?” Robyn asked.
“Yeah.” His voice was a little smoother this time.
“Yeah, I’ll text Laura, she is in human resources. I’ll get her to send the job description and his number.” She smiled as she pulled her phone out.
“Thank you,” he muttered, a small smirk appearing on his face.
“Be good for you to get into a job, Conor,” my dad piped up, filling his own glass up.
“Yeah, I need to work. Can’t sit at home all day. I’ll drive myself insane,” he said before taking a mouthful of his white wine.
“Can we stay here tonight?” I asked. “I’ve had too much to drink now.” I smiled at my mum, batting my eyelashes.
“You don’t have to ask, Darcey.” She tutted and rolled her eyes. “Your room is still made up, as well as Conor’s,” she said, taking a mouthful of her drink.
“You kept my room?” Conor asked, slightly shocked.
“Of course we did. It’s your room.” My mum smiled at him, her eyes warm as she looked in his direction.
“Thank you,” he said quietly. “Do you mind if I go up there now?”
“Of course not, Conor, darling. This is your home. You don’t have to ask, ever,” my mum responded, trying to reassure him.
“Can you come with me?” he asked as he stood up, his wine glass still in hand.
“Sure,” I said as he held his hand out for me to take, which I did, gladly. His eyes lit up, a ghost of a smile appearing on his handsome face.
“Thank you for everything, thank you for making me feel at home,” he said to my parents and Robyn.
They all smiled at him, waving at us as we started to walk out the lounge. I looked over my shoulder at Robyn, waving my phone at her, then blew a kiss to them all before we disappeared upstairs.
He walked cautiously down the hallway, a small laugh coming from him. “God, all the memories are flooding back.”
“Yeah? What ones?” I asked.
“The one where I came into your room, having a little tease. Fuck, Darcey, I wanted you so bad.” He stopped, turning to face me. His hands were in my hair as he pulled my face towards him.
I smirked. “You wanted me so bad that you went to fuck Marie straight after?” My voice was a little harsh.
His face dropped, his eyes wide as they darted back and forth from mine. His hands were now either side of my face. “Only because I wanted you so bad, but I couldn’t have you. Please, don’t throw that in my face.”