“I am so fucking sorry,” I mumbled before covering her lips with mine.
Pressing my lips on hers, not wanting to move, I heard a chorus of, “Oooooooo,” from her students, but I didn’t give a shit. I turned my head over my shoulder and smirked before looking down at her again.
“Forgive me?” I pleaded.
“Always.”
“Always?” I muttered.
“Always.” She smiled up at me.
“Promise me, promise me you will always love me.”
“I promise. Promise me you will talk to me more,” she said in a whisper.
“I promise.” I nodded at her. “You nearly done?” I asked, taking my hands from her face.
“Nearly. How did you get here?”
“I bought a motorbike.” I laughed, “I’ll wait out front for you. Don’t be long.” I winked at her, her mouth slightly open but I didn’t give her a chance to respond. I turned on my heel and walked towards the door to my motorbike, swinging my leg back over the tank and sitting, waiting for her. I bought her a helmet too. I unhooked it from my handlebars and held it on my lap.
I wanted to go for a ride. I decided we would go to the beach outside hers and I will try and answer her questions. Then I need to shower and brush my teeth. I literally shot out of bed in my mood and ran for the door.
But I can’t run anymore.
I need to be able to open up and lay all of me on the table.
I trust her. I need her to trust me.
I wanted to get some of this pent up hurt out before we went back to her parents. That’s going to take a whole new level of strength for me to get through, but with her by my side, I can get through anything.
DARCEY
I walked out of the studio to see Conor sitting there on a motorbike.
What the fuck.
“Erm, what’s this?” I laughed, slightly hysterically, I thought he was joking. They scared the hell out of me.
“It’s mine.” He beamed his perfect smile at me.
“There is no way I am getting on that.” I shook my head, laughing louder now as I started walking towards my car and unlocking it. I felt his arms snaking round my waist, pulling me towards him.
“Come on, live a little. I won’t drive fast,” he mumbled into my hair before pulling me to face him. “Trust me,” he whispered before placing a kiss on my lips.
“I do trust you.” I nodded, placing my keys into my back-pack, walking slowly over to the bike, taking my black open-face crash helmet off of Conor, his face smiling like a Cheshire cat. I swung my leg over the seat of the bike, shuffling back as Conor climbed over and settled in the seat before putting his own crash helmet on and starting the ignition to his new toy.
I clung to him as he looked over his shoulder before pulling away and heading to our unknown destination.
I pulled a face when we drove past my house, confused as to where we were going. He drove down the big hill, taking us towards the beach. I thought he was going to stop in the car park, but he didn’t. He kept going.
Driving along the shoreline, I was mortified. Luckily, the beach wasn’t packed, but there were still people sitting, enjoying the afternoon sunshine. He carried on driving slowly in the shallow sea until we reached a quiet cove. Stopping the bike, he kicked the stand out, getting off and taking his helmet off, placing it on the tank. Taking my hand, he helped me, my legs shaky. He held his hand out, taking my helmet off of me and placed it on the seat next to his.
He took my hand, rubbing his thumb across the back of my knuckles before walking me towards the sea, plonking himself down on the shoreline, tugging me down with him.
“Why are we here?” I asked, my eyes wandering round the deserted cove.
“I want to try,” he mumbled, looking down at his trainers as he kicked them together, knocking the sand off.
“Try?” I asked.
“To try and talk.”
“Oh,” I said, taken aback. “Conor, we don’t have to do this. I didn’t mean to pry earlier, I know you will talk when you’re ready.” I nibbled my lip.
“I want to.” He nodded, his eyes still not looking up at me, they were still fixated on his trainers. I puffed my cheeks out, grateful for him wanting to open up, but worried it was going to be too much for him.
“I’m sorry again for earlier.” His tormented eyes now coming up to mine.
“Conor, please. It’s fine. I shouldn’t have pushed.” I shook my head.
“No, it’s not fine, Darcey. What if I lost my shit so bad that I hurt you?” His eyes brimmed.
“You would never hurt me.”
“You don’t know that,” he snapped, a little harsher than intended, his sorry eyes flitting to mine straight away. I reached out for his hand, trying to give him a reassuring squeeze.
“It’s okay.” A small smile broke out across my face.
“I never want to hurt you,” he choked.
“You’re not going to hurt me, promise me?” I said as a bit of light heartedness, trying to get him to smile by using one of our lines.
“I can’t promise you. I broke my promise when it came to Chase. Fuck, I couldn’t even keep that. I couldn’t keep him safe.” His head bowed, his hands going to the side of his head as the tears began to fall.
I hurt. I hurt so bad for him, but I felt like there was nothing I could do. I was helpless. I linked my arm through his bent one and pulled him towards me.
“Babe, you didn’t break your promise. You couldn’t keep him safe, he couldn’t keep himself safe. You couldn’t even keep yourself safe. But he is safe now, he is where he needs to be to get the help he needs. He is a strong man, he will get through this, as will you.” I smiled again at him.
“But I’m not fixed.”
“You have been through so much, you can’t expect in eight months for someone to click their fingers and it all be okay again. You had a traumatic experience, but you got through it. You’re here with me, you’re home.” I leant across and kissed him on the cheek, wiping his tears with my thumb. “You’ve got this.”
He blinked at me, pulling his lip between his teeth.
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” I asked, scooting that bit closer to him.
“Everything. You, us, Chase, my parents... Just a whole lot of shit.”
“Fill me in. With everything. We aren’t in a rush, we haven’t got anywhere to go,” I whispered.
“We are meant to be going home, to your parents.”
“They’ll understand.” I smiled, grabbing my phone out of my backpack and texting my mum to tell her we would be a bit later than expected before slipping my phone back away.
Conor took a deep breath before telling me all about his childhood and his parents. My heart broke right there for him and all that he had been through. No wonder he was such an arsehole when I met him.
I was pulled from my thoughts when he continued speaking.
“Then I got to live with you, and your wonderful family. They took me in when I didn’t think anyone would. I felt like I was given a second lease of life.” A tear fell from his eyes again.
I went to speak but then he started again, and I didn’t want to stop him.