“So, you’re saying I’ll get to lounge around and rest in bed for a few days, after which I’ll lounge around in bed but I won’t be resting for a few more days after that?”
“Precisely.”
“Can we just get this show on the road? I don’t need to undergo any form of conversion to have a healthy interest in this plan, Gabriel.”
“I am aware. You fell for my brother’s wicked ways the moment you saw him. It took him but a few moments longer, upon realization you had stormed his home, for him to become unreasonable about his interest in you. There. I have done my part. The rest is in your hands. Try not to tire my brother out too much when you grow into your wings. Do make him take you flying, too—and make sure he teaches you how to land rather than insist on foolishness, including catching you instead merely so he can carry you around, as he enjoys doing that.” Gabriel took a step away from me and waved his hand, which removed evidence I’d dripped blood everywhere.
I touched my face to discover if I wanted to rid myself of caking blood and poison residue, I’d have to go take a bath. “You would think the Devil would be far more of a cold-hearted creature,” I admitted. “But he’s warm.”
“You have forced him to show you his best, and you have made him love every moment of it. As I do enjoy spying on my brother, and he is very focused on you rather than on me, he is currently in your trophy room explaining to your new minion his role in your life, which is as a bodyguard, mortal minion, and so on. I expect that one will undergo a conversion the instant He has need or want of a new angel. That one is more of a victim of circumstance rather than malicious, although you will find him suitable for some of your future schemes. I recommend you assign him as a hidden custodian and guardian.”
“For Kanika?”
“Yes. There will be times my brother might wish to have information on her due to a bargain he has struck. Using your latest acquisition to track her activities, especially as she grows older, would be beneficial. You can also ensure she has work when she needs it through him or another one of your minions. It will keep your temper appeased if you are able to help from the background.”
It amused me the archangel had decided to go with the term minion as well. “You’re quite the meddler, aren’t you?”
“I have my moments. Kanika will find me and my brothers to be most annoying. She will not be sure what to think about you at first, but you will find her to be most affectionate once she comes to the conclusion you are the sole bastion of sanity in my brother’s many hells. Her rivalry with Lucifer will be a thing of beauty.”
After having done a stint as a glass-vial unicorn, I hardly considered myself to be sane. “What is the bat made out of? Lucifer wouldn’t tell me.”
“It is made from the heartwood of the Tree of Life,” the archangel replied. “He picked only the best for you. He also has some of the heartwood from that tree, although He waits to make use of it. He finds my brother’s choice of wood most amusing. Your bat is a most potent weapon, and He finds it appropriate to be in your hands.”
“Oh. Where are my kittens?” I checked the sitting room and the bedroom before peeking under the bed in search of my kittens. “They’re usually in here, on our pillows.”
“Do not fret. They are playing out in the lava fields, hunting demons and devils who have taken on the shape of mice. They learn how to be your protectors, and the demons and devils seek my brother’s favor while enjoying the game. Really, it is disgustingly cordial here as of late. And do not worry. Mere lava will not hurt them.”
“Except for that herd of succubi wanting my man,” I corrected. “That won’t be very cordial if they keep it up!”
“Conversion will resolve that problem, and you can carry around your bat to persuade them against making any moves on Lucifer. And anyway, you have bargained to marry him, so you will be wed—and my brother? He is not a patient being on this subject. He will not accept anything but your union with him at the earliest opportunity. Should you have those you wish to be in attendance, you should write it down and leave it where my brother can find it. Be aware he will likely kidnap anyone on the list, as he will not tolerate anything interfering with your happiness.”
“If I put you and Michael on the list, will he kidnap you?”
“He would absolutely try, but we would consent to his kidnapping, so it would not be a kidnapping, for we would consent to attend.”
I wandered to the desk in the sitting room and rummaged through it until I found a piece of paper and pen, and with the inclusion of the two archangels, my list of names went up to three. “I still haven’t named my kittens.”
“I am sure you’ll find good names for them both, but if you wish to annoy my brother, you would name them after him—with their names misspelled. He hates that, and your feuding over their names would last until the end of days.”
I laughed at the thought of someone spelling the Devil’s name wrong. “That’s so amusing.”
“I thought you would appreciate that. Do not feel you need to name them immediately. They know you cherish them even when you take your time, and they will appreciate the games you play with your future husband. Go clean up, as the sight of you wearing so much blood will ultimately distress my brother. I will go make certain he contains most of his impulses in the meantime. Rest well, Darlene.”
I fully intended to.
True to Gabriel’s word, I hibernated for several days before I woke up refreshed and in dire need of attention from the Devil. My brother made the mistake of trying to delay me from my mission, and rather than twist him into a pretzel, I set my kittens loose on him. To all appearances, a newly converted incubus should have had the advantage over two fluffy bundles of joy, but following a single pounce from my pets, my brother fled.
That left me with another problem: Belial. I lashed my tail and hissed at the devil, who regarded me with interest. When hissing didn’t drive him off, I graduated to transforming my hands so I had nice, sharp claws to work with.
Belial only looked human, and if he couldn’t handle being clawed up by a cat, he wasn’t worthy of the Devil’s regard.
“You woke up in a mood,” Belial observed. “You also woke up quite hungry, I see.”
“Where is he?”
“Lucifer is doing his best to convince some stubborn succubi he is unavailable for their enjoyment. You should put your wings, fur, and spots on so you can help him convince them you are the queen of his roost. He is in the great hall, and he has been sulking because you have been in poor health. There have been too many archangels in this place, all confirming you were merely tired and recovering. You woke once, but you limited your coherency to coming in here, crawling onto Lucifer’s lap, and resuming your sleep. That tamed him, as he took that to mean you were recovering as promised, so he has ventured out of these rooms today. He will be pleased when you focus your attention on him.”
“Well, if he’d been in bed where he belonged, I wouldn’t have had to crawl onto his lap.”
“You are most correct. Your brother and I were assigned to stand guard, as I have zero interest in you as a partner of that nature, nor do I wish for my soul to be ruined irrevocably. That is what Lucifer will do to any who cross him on this matter. Your brother was selected to stand guard, as you would not kill him without provocation.”