Lucifer raised a brow and eyed his former table. “That was three inches thick, my darling.”
Well, that explained why it had taken two hits to finish it off. I regarded my bat with newfound respect.
I couldn’t find even a scuff on it. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I am holding an audience, or I had been until you took offense to my table. What did my table do to you?”
“It’s not big enough for two.” I straightened, thumped my bat to my shoulder, and pointed at my wings. “You see these?”
“I do.”
“That shitty table wasn’t big enough for two.”
The Devil leaned back in his seat and took his time looking me over. “It would have been plenty big enough for two if you were to sit on my lap.”
Silence fell over the great hall, and I doubted any of the gathered demons or devils breathed. “I’d just knock the damned table over with these wings. I did you a favor getting rid of it.”
“You would, and I would find this amusing, especially as you’d be sitting on my lap. Did you come all this way to tell me my table is too small?”
I needed to think about his offer of sitting on his lap for the rest of my life, as that would put me in close proximity with his chest. I took a moment to consider his question, and I shook my head. “No. I just opted to use your table as a way of demonstrating what will happen to anyone who crosses me, especially if she tries to get onto your lap. Your lap is mine, as is the rest of you. Are we clear?”
Lucifer chuckled. “That’s not how you ask nicely, Darlene.”
I stared at him. “You want me to ask nicely? Hitting the table rather than one of them was asking nicely. I could have just waited and hit the first succubus to try to get on your lap, in your pants, or even flirt with you. Taking my general annoyances out on the table was being really nice.” I grunted and flexed my hand, debating what I could hit next. “Is this audience necessary, how long will it be, and can you be finished with it now? Please and thank you. I’m done with being nice.”
Lucifer rose to his feet, and while I’d put on my fur coat and had a new pair of wings, he still dwarfed me while masquerading as a human. “The audience is absolutely necessary, and my succubi have been most helpful.”
I flattened my ears and lashed my tail. “Helpful?”
All growling did was make him smile, and he prowled closer. He touched my cheek, ran his fingers through my fur, and nudged at my wings until I lowered them and tucked them against my back. “Take a few breaths,” he ordered.
I obeyed, although I muttered a few curses. After a few breaths, I relaxed, and some of the tension plaguing me eased.
“You’re hungry, you want me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and you’re perceiving a lot of threats nearby in the form of other succubi. I think you have sufficiently established you’ll bash heads in should they interfere with your current meal plan, which has dramatically changed since yesterday. Better?”
Focusing on my breathing helped, and after a few moments, I stretched my wings, gave a shake, and nodded. “I’m bad with my wings.”
“You’ll get used to them. They usually come in smaller and grow over time, but you’ve had a great deal of exposure to devilish and angelic energy lately. You’ll adjust.” The Devil took hold of my bat, and while I tightened my grip on it, he still managed to pull it out of my hand. While I scowled over being robbed, he tossed my weapon to Gabriel, who caught it and tucked it under his arm.
“My bat,” I complained.
Lucifer smiled. “I’d rather you not beat me with that right now.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out my collar and fastened it around my throat. “There. Now you’re perfect.”
“You need your head examined if you think I’m perfect.”
He laughed, captured my hands in his, and raised them to his lips, kissing each of my knuckles in turn. “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, as is perfection. You are perfect beauty in my eyes, although I can’t help but notice I have meddlesome brothers who changed my plans for me.”
The archangels’ chiming laughter echoed in the great hall.
Before I could turn to face them, the Devil squeezed my hands and forced my attention back to him. He got down on one knee and smiled as though there were no other place he’d rather be.
My fur stood on end, and my awareness of hundreds of eyes focused on me froze me in place. My breath did me no good stuck in my throat, but I couldn’t manage to even swallow.
“From the moment I saw you, daring to storm my gates and make demands of me, taunting me with those perfect, precious spots of yours, I knew one thing: you would be mine. You came right into my house, made yourself at home, and went about your plans to conquer, all unaware you’d become my prey.”
“Liar,” Michael coughed. “She knew precisely what she was getting herself into.”
Despite myself, I laughed because it was true.
“That made tricking her into bargaining with me all the sweeter,” the Devil confessed, and his smile widened. “You accepted the bargain, so you have to pay up, Darlene, but as I’d really like to explore your new spots at my leisure, I will use those filthy words you like so much. I won’t even ask you to be the queen of my hells unless you wish to, although I’d find it very entertaining and attractive were you to help me handle business, punish the fucking assholes you so dislike, and otherwise make things here disgustingly orderly. I might be forced to have you keep matters with those asshole archangels civil. I do not approve of how much they like you. To sweeten the deal in your favor, I am planning on giving you your first fucking asshole, to do with as you please, and any training you might require to best handle his punishments, as part of your wedding present. As promised, here are the filthy words meant for you and only you: please marry me.”
It was a good thing my fur hid my skin, as it felt like my cheeks could put lobsters and tomatoes to shame. While I had stipulated a bent knee and the use of filthy words, I hadn’t expected him to do so in front of a rather large audience. I’d demanded witnesses, but I hadn’t expected such a public declaration.
As always, he took things too far.
A simple yes didn’t seem like enough. I spluttered, my face burned hotter, and I blurted, “Are you insane?”
He grinned. “When it comes to you, I absolutely am. Jealousy is beautiful on you, and you’ve been so jealous lately.” The Devil kissed my hands again, and he stroked his thumbs over my fur. “Conveniently, I even captured two archangels solely so they could bear witness and confirm the truth when I tell you that I love you. As I’m the Devil, I’ll stalk you to the ends of the universe if I must.”
I pricked my ears forward at the thought of running just so the Devil could catch me. After his first lesson on what he did to his woman, I would run to be captured, and I’d enjoy every moment of it. “Promise?”
Laughing, he nodded. “As often as my naughty little kitty would like, but it’s your fault when you get what you asked for.”
Yes, it was. “Well, as I have been a very naughty little kitten lately and have earned my prolonged stay in your hells, it makes a great deal of sense to marry you,” I teased. “But you better make this worth my while.”