“You will not need to beat the other succubi. You just need to show up, lure Lucifer off to your lair with a single come hither, and they will understand they have been outclassed. Your property is quite safe, and he has been defending himself from their advances without issue.”
I huffed at the thought of him needing to defend himself from any advances other than mine.
“She woke up quite hungry and more than a little grouchy,” Belial stated.
“She will be a little less aggressive after Lucifer properly attends to her, I am sure.”
Michael chuckled and he held out his arm to me. “As I do enjoy vexing my brother, it would be my honor to escort you.”
Turnabout was fair play, and if Lucifer couldn’t get his succubi to keep their hands off him, I’d accept his brother’s courtesy with a smirk. “Thank you, Michael.”
“She’s totally using you to annoy Lucifer,” Belial muttered.
“I know. It is so amusing. Lucifer will be delighted, for she is feeling well enough to shoot back over his failure to be present when she woke up in dire need of attention. This is for the better anyway, as us delivering her to our brother will send messages to the demons and devils in attendance. Right now is not an ideal time for us to be bickering, and it is better for us to be more allies than foes for the moment.”
Belial stilled. “Mortal or divine?”
“A bit of this, a bit of that,” the archangel replied.
I grinned. “That is masterfully vague and somewhat terrifying. Please take me to Lucifer, as I’ll inevitably get lost in this maze if I try to find him myself.”
Both archangels laughed, and Belial led the way. Michael and Gabriel offered tips on feather care, adjusting to hauling around big, heavy wings, and how to annoy most succubi, who often wished they could manifest feathered wings but couldn’t unless they hunted a male boasting feathered wings.
“Ha! Succubi are attracted to angels because they can have feathers for a while, then?”
Gabriel snorted and Michael shrugged.
“It’s a solid theory,” Belial replied in an amused tone. “I can’t think of another reason why a succubus or incubus would otherwise desire an angel of all things.”
“It is complicated,” Michael stated, and according to his tone, he had no intention of explaining it to me.
Whatever. My fallen angel had everything I needed and wanted. “Maybe if you had nipples, you wouldn’t need an incubus or a succubus to get naughty.”
While Belial snickered, I suspected I tested the patience of both archangels.
“What? It’s true. Have you looked at Lucifer’s nipples?”
A faint pop behind me warned me I’d drawn attention from someone capable of teleporting, and I managed to smack both archangels with my wings.
The Devil snickered, and he took hold of my wings to hold me in place. A few tugs and a push later, and Lucifer managed to settle my wings closer to my back so I wouldn’t murder his brothers with them. “Look at all of those pretty spots, all for me. However, I can’t help but notice two filthy archangels put their hands on you.”
“Hardly. They have no nipples, Lucifer. We’ve talked about this before. I need perfect nipples. You have perfect nipples, and they do not. They’re just keeping me from killing anyone with these wings, and I have no idea where the great hall is, where you’re supposed to be.”
“I went to check on you to find my bed devoid of my woman.”
“I got dressed, put on some boots, and grabbed my bat, and now I need to teach some succubi you’re mine.”
“She woke up rather irritable and possessive,” Belial announced. “Once she has claimed her territory, she will be much easier to please. I would not deter her from laying her claim. That is how you end up unhappy and on your couch.”
“I noticed you’ve brought your bat with you. I would rather not have to plant new succubi seeds today, so please keep all demonstrations and claims non-lethal.”
“Fine. I won’t kill anyone unless they provoke me. If I hit a table with the bat, would the bat or the table win?”
“The bat,” Lucifer, Gabriel, and Michael chorused.
“I need a table I can sacrifice on the altar of territory claiming.”
“I needed a new head table anyway. You can help me pick the new one as penance for breaking the old one.” Lucifer scowled at Michael. “Just break the table I’m sitting at when you arrive. I will find this very entertaining. However, I do not find my brother’s handling of your person to be entertaining at all.”
The archangel laughed and refused to budge or let go of my arm.
“Just go back to the great hall, Lucifer. I’ll be along as soon as these louts show me how to get there.”
“Is there a reason you can’t teleport her?” Lucifer asked. “It’s a rather lengthy walk.”
“Yes,” Michael replied. “It involves her consuming too much energy before you’ve had time to properly teach her to feed. We would be pleased to help you with teaching her how to teleport, but you have work to do before she is ready. She’s also eager to try her wings for flying, although she may be a challenge to teach on that front.”
“Very well. I’ll be waiting in the great hall. Don’t tarry. I want to see their expressions when they see her beautiful wings. Feathered for my enjoyment. With spots.”
Lucifer vanished.
I rolled my eyes. “He possibly needs therapy for his spot obsession. No, he definitely needs therapy for his spot obsession. Can one of you teach me how to ban all these spots when he’s being naughty?”
Gabriel snickered and said, “As a matter of fact, yes.”
The little things in life helped. “Excellent.”
The great hall lived up to its name, and I stopped counting tables after ten, flattened my ears at the presence of at least a hundred succubi, and considered making good use of my bat at the sight of hundreds of devils and demons filling the space and annoying me with hissing chatter. On the far end of the room, its ceiling vaulted and painted much like his entry, waited Lucifer at a table barely big enough for two, which he’d claimed all for himself.
Hell. No.
I firmed my grip on the bat, joined the devilish congregation in hissing, and marched towards the Devil, ready to make it clear he’d be adding a table suitable for two to use comfortably or I’d be beating him to a near-death state with it. I regretted agreeing to keep my confrontations non-lethal.
The sight of so many succubi dressed to seduce pissed me off enough I considered beating them with my wings like a demented, spotted Canadian goose on a mission of murder.
Why wasn’t I allowed to kill them all?
To my utter disgust, the succubi backed out of my reach.
With a ringing laugh, Michael patted my arm before releasing me. “When you swing your bat, spread your wings out to their full length. It will help you balance and keep you from falling.”
I nodded, and without the archangel holding me back, I marched at a rather brisk pace, got a good hold on my bat with both hands, and went to town on the offensive table I wouldn’t fit at even if I wanted to. True to the archangel’s claim, spreading my wings did help me keep my balance. The bat cracked into the table with hand-numbing force, and the dark wood cracked under the force of my blow. Snarling curses I hadn’t completely destroyed it in one hit, I smacked it a second time, which cracked the table in half.