But that wasn’t Laiyla or Chloe on the phone. I guess it could have been Levi, Laiyla’s fiancé. Regardless, that’s none of my business, but I’d be lying if I said I’m not a little jealous.
I take this as one more reminder that she and I are at very different places in life, looking for very different things.
“Let me walk you back,” I offer.
All three girls chorus, “I wanna go.”
KT laughs and gives them each a hug before she leaves, insisting she can get herself back to the parking lot down the street.
At the door, she gives me one last smile. There’s no doubt we would have closed out the night kissing if the girls weren’t hovering. On the one hand, I’m disappointed and I want her. On the other, I tell myself it’s better this way.
9
KT
I’m holding spiked punch in one hand, trying like hell to appear as if I’m listening to this guy—I can’t remember his name—chatter about mechanical shit.
My days have been long and physical, and I’m exhausted and annoyed. Another entire week has passed with no word from Ben. I catch up on his life only when Violet comes to the marina, which is less and less with her school schedule filling up.
Sure, I could be the one to call or text, but I’ve been getting a very conflicted vibe from him, and I don’t want to push him into something that will hurt him in the long run. Maybe hurt us both in the long run.
So, yeah, I’m pissy. I really just want to escape this community party, go home, and go to bed.
Chloe made a contact with a local who wanted to offload his pleasure boats, and since it was a killer deal, I picked up all three for next to nothing. The only drawback is that every one of them needs a complete overhaul, bow to stern.
January is already closing out. Memorial Day may still be four months away, but I know exactly how fast it will come. Laiyla and Chloe have busted their butts to drum up interest in the marina, and I have a lot to do to keep up my end of the bargain, to get all the boats looking and functioning at one hundred percent by the opening holiday weekend.
Which is also why I’m standing here not really listening to whatever his name is. Chloe and Laiyla insisted we come together to show a united front and create goodwill in the community. They said showing up to the city’s 150th birthday party and playing nice would go a long way toward continuing to build goodwill and alliances in town, which can only help the success of the marina.
But I should have listened to my gut and stayed home, because I’m in a mood. And I know if I don’t control my irritation, I could do more harm than good here tonight.
“And when I looked under the car,” the guy standing too close says, entertaining himself with his own story, “I find the coil of his shock absorber stuffed with tennis balls. There were, like, a dozen or more. Can you believe that?”
I refocus and smile, playing along. “Reminds me of the time a guy came into the shop with four flashlights zip-tied to the front bumper in place of a headlight.”
That makes the guy laugh, long and loud. I force myself not to roll my eyes and suck down the punch instead, hoping the buzz will soften the bizarre sense of dissatisfaction I’ve been experiencing lately.
He’s a nice enough guy, good-looking too. Late twenties, man bun, very Chris Hemsworth-ish. Definitely a guy I would have hooked up with back when I was hooking up. And, yeah, hooking up with him would be infinitely easier than actually listening to him tell me stories from his life as a mechanic.
Guys always go dumb when sex is involved. It’s like once the actual act looms in the near future, all their intelligence drains right out their ears. And that works for me, because over the years, I’ve discovered that most men really don’t know what they’re doing in bed. Most aren’t even self-aware enough to know what they want, let alone what their partner wants.
So I learned how to get what I need and just go after it myself. I’ve had a handful of better-than-average partners, and those experiences live like jewels in my mind. I can’t seem to stop wondering what kind of lover Ben would be, but I’m guessing he’d be better than average. Judging by his sensitivity to his daughters and his compassionate patient care, I think he’d be giving, which, in my opinion, is one of the most important characteristics of any good lover. I’m guessing Ben would be one of those sparkling gems in my memory. But more and more, it’s looking like I may never know.
It’s a bittersweet revelation. I admire his commitment to his girls, but I’m disappointed with the restrictions that places on what develops between us.
In truth, the only reason I relented and came tonight was in hopes of seeing him. At the marina today, Violet mentioned she would be coming tonight. But it’s after seven, and Ben hasn’t shown, which means he probably won’t. The girls go to bed soon.
I scan the space, searching out Chloe and Laiyla. Chloe is flirting with her hot cop, Xavier Wilde, who’s not in uniform for once. I confess, I love the look of a man in uniform—what red-blooded American women doesn’t?—but it turns out he’s just as sexy in jeans and a button-down. The two have been dancing around each other since she first showed up in town, but I’m not sure they’ll ever get together. Chloe keeps turning down his offers—everything from wine tasting to just plain sex. When he finally figured out he wasn’t going to get any from Chloe, he started dating around town, and he’s never short on willing women. Unfortunately, that only hurts his chances with Chloe.
“Let’s see,” the mechanic says to me, “I’ve seen a muffler held on by a belt, a Doritos bag used as a brake light, a lawn chair used as a driver’s seat, duct tape used as a drink holder, corrugated tin used as a side panel, and, I kid you not, a skateboard used in place of a tire.”
I laugh at the appropriate cues, nod, and make sounds of interest, drink more alcohol.
Laiyla is standing with Levi in a group of small-business owners—Terri from the candy store, Charlie, a concrete guy, Shelly, a hairstylist, and a few others I don’t know.
Levi’s got his arm around her, and she’s leaning into him, her fingers threaded with his where they hang over her shoulder. God, they are so cute together, it’s hard on the eyes. Harder on the heart.
I’ve become a little obsessed with their relationship, trying to understand it. She’s wholeheartedly, happily committed to staying in this small town with him. There’s nothing wrong with this place—many call it heaven on earth—but after Laiyla’s experienced all the world has to offer in other exotic places, I can’t get my mind around the fact that she’s staying put for a guy.
Then again, I’ve never been in love. Honestly, I can’t ever see myself falling in love. The concept feels as appealing as sand in my mouth.
I try to refocus. Try to push this young, sexy, willing guy talking to me into a little fantasy in my head. Imagine how I’d put up with his talking until I got him alone, then made him forget every word in his vocabulary. Only, in my mind, once I get his shirt open, I look up and see Ben’s face, not the guy standing in front of me now. It’s Ben who lowers his head and kisses me. Ben who slides his tongue against mine. Ben’s hands on my body. Ben filling me.