I release my breath and look out at the road lined with cute little shops. All-American shops. Restaurants with American food, clothes, gifts. Not made in America, mind you, but shipped from overseas to appear as if they are American made. No cultural variety. No international color. I miss the prevalent bustle of cities and towns overseas. The people and the open-air markets. I miss the varied languages swirling in the air, the vibrant and diverse foods.
Maybe I wasn’t as ready to leave the ship as I thought.
A door opens behind me. Voices and commotion pour into the quiet night before it closes again. I grit my teeth. If I get hit on one more time, I’m so out of here. Laiyla and Chloe can kiss my ass the next time they want me to—
“Hey.”
Ben’s voice dances up my spine. Joy bubbles in my heart. I should trust this. I should see him as the sign I asked for, right?
I look over my shoulder. “Where are the girls?”
“My mom and sister are watching them at the craft tables.” He steps up to the rail, faces me, and leans one elbow against the wood. “You look beautiful.”
Hardly. The only thing I did for this event was put on new jeans and straighten my hair. “Thanks. So do the girls. Nice job, Dad.”
“They love to get dressed up. Violet was pushing everyone out the door. She was so excited to get here and show you her dress.”
As if I need another reason to love that kid. “She said you did her braids.”
He reaches out and brushes a stray strand of hair over my shoulder. I used to think I could read men, but Ben is way more complicated than any other man I’ve ever known.
“Jana taught me,” he says. “When it was clear she wasn’t going to make it, she sat me down with Violet and Poppy every damned day and taught me how to do every hair trick in the book. Jazz didn’t have enough hair to work with, or I would have been doing hers too.”
I don’t hear turmoil or sadness in his voice, just fondness. What this guy has been through is humbling. More because he’s figured out how to compartmentalize and deal with it in a way that allows him to function and move on.
I can honestly say I’ve never felt unworthy of anyone, but I’m teetering on the border of believing I ought to not only leave this guy alone, but search the world for the perfect woman for him. He really does deserve someone amazing in his life. Someone who can embrace those girls as her own and be a full partner with Ben. Not someone looking for a temporary good time.
“Something bothering you?” he asks. “Everything okay with the property?”
“Yeah, yeah. In fact, that night I was at your house for dinner and left to meet the girls, Laiyla and Levi brought us together to tell us that nothing had changed with the goals for the property. After it’s fixed up, they’ll still buy it outright so Chloe and I will get our money out of it. I figured as much, but they just wanted to make sure we knew it.”
He nods. “Still opening Memorial Day?”
“That’s the plan. I’ve got a lot of work to do, but if Levi can get a restaurant built, a market and a bunch of boats renovated, I can sure hold up my end of the deal.”
“He does have quite a bit more help than you do.”
“Don’t let Violet hear you say that.”
He smiles. “Whatever you’re doing with her has really turned her around.”
“What do you mean?”
“The last six months have been hard on her. She got her period sooner than her friends, and she took the change really hard. Of all the people in the world who should be able to help her with this, it’s me, but I couldn’t say anything right. Her mood swings were causing chaos in the house, upsetting the other girls. Everyone was fighting. It was…awful.
“That’s the main reason we moved here. That situation made me realize the girls really did need more than I could give them. Now they have my sister and mom to lean on when a dad just won’t do. Of course, Violet was pissed about the move too. I couldn’t do anything right by her. And here she’s been struggling to fit in at school, hasn’t made friends yet. She’s just really going through a bit of an identity crisis, you know?”
I laugh, feeling like I’m on the same roller coaster as Violet. “Oh, believe me, I know.”
“Since she’s been at the marina with you, her moods have evened out, she’s nicer to her sisters, more cooperative with me. She’s just…happier.”
“I’d love to take the credit,” I tell him, “but I’m not doing anything special. I’m giving her menial, tedious jobs anyone else would look at and say see ya. But she’s deliberate and focused and tries so hard to please.”
I smile, thinking back. “She’s a lot of fun to have around. Dances and sings whenever there’s music on. She’s got a quick, quirky sense of humor. I swear she’s made me laugh so hard, I’ve almost peed my pants a couple of times.”
He laughs and rests both forearms on the rail. “Everyone knows their own kids inside and out. All the good, all the bad, all the amazing, all the maddening. As a parent, you accept all of them, no matter what, unconditionally. And when you see them struggling and can’t find a way to fix it, you feel helpless. So when someone comes along, someone who doesn’t know them like you do, and that person sees all those sparkly parts of your kid that may be hidden beneath layers of turmoil, or finds a way to reach them in a way you couldn’t… There’s just nothing more heartwarming for a parent.”
I could melt into a puddle at his feet right now. He’s pried my heart open and wiggled his way inside. And now he’s in there doing donuts, laying down tracks, and throwing up dust.
While his words make me feel accomplished with Violet, they haven’t exposed any hint of how he’s feeling toward me, and I feel trapped, unable to push him away, unable to jump in.
But the only person I’m pissed at is myself—for not knowing what I want, not understanding all these stupid emotions, and being attracted to someone who’s so totally unavailable.
10
Ben
If there’s one thing I’ve learned raising three little girls, it’s how to read nuances in mood, and KT isn’t her flirty, chipper self tonight. She’s also not acting congruently with her professed preferred lifestyle of hooking up. I watched her for a good ten minutes before she noticed we were there, and those guys she was talking to would have gone home with her in a heartbeat. Guys who are much younger and far less encumbered than me. Instead, she used Violet as an excuse to cut the conversation short.
I sure as hell know why she attracts so many men. She looks utterly edible in those skin-tight jeans and a fitted charcoal sweater that shows off all her curves and makes me want to run my hands all over her. The contrasting ivory scalloped edge draws attention to the subtly sexy, almost-off-the-shoulder style and a deep V between her breasts exposes her smooth, golden skin.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said at the house, about your plans after the marina is finished,” I say. “It’s so damn cool to meet someone who doesn’t just dream of sailing the world but has actually done it working on cruise ships and has concrete plans to do it again on her own.”