Heat surges through my body. Her distinction between need and want catches in my mind like a broken cog in a wheel.
Jana always needed me. She needed me for everything—financial security, emotional stability, friendship, love, belonging, confidence, happiness. I always felt like she’d fall over if I wasn’t supporting her in every conceivable way. In fact, I believe she had the affair because I was so entrenched in work, I wasn’t able to give her all she needed. And now, I have three precious little lives needing me for all that and so much more.
I’ve been needed for so long, I couldn’t see the difference between need and want. And the idea of having a woman as strong as KT wanting me without needing me feels…surprisingly powerful. Wildly liberating. Potentially essential—for my soul, for my heart, for me.
Only now, in this instant, do I recognize that somewhere amid all this need, I lost my sense of self. I forgot that what I want is important too. And those wants don’t always have to correlate to a need to be essential to my happiness.
“But I get it,” she goes on, interrupting my pivotal thoughts. “I understand that I might not be what you need or want. I wish I could give you everything you’re looking for. I’m even inclined to tell you I can. Or at least try. And maybe, if it wasn’t for the girls, I would. But you’ve got too much riding on keeping your life together, and I don’t want to—”
I cup the back of her neck and pull her in to shut her up with my mouth. It’s an impulsive, reckless move when everyone in town is hovering in the next room, just waiting for a little morsel of gossip to spread around.
I’m not ashamed of KT, or ashamed of wanting her, but there are a lot of families here. Families whose kids go to school with mine. Families who gossip over the dinner table. Gossip that finds its way to school and ends up gouging my girls. It happened with Jana’s cancer. Happened again with Jana’s death. It was torture for all of us, and I don’t want it to happen again.
A sound rolls in KT’s throat. Surprise, hunger, relief. She tilts her head and opens to me before I can get my thoughts straight. Fists the front of my shirt, pushes up on her toes, and offers her warm mouth in a way that screams of abandon. That makes me think of so many erotic ways I’d like her to use this mouth. Maybe even in ways I can’t quite understand yet. I get the very distinct impression KT could teach me a lot in the bedroom.
But now, I grip her waist and push her backward until she hits the wall and we’re better hidden in the shadows. Her hands slide up my chest, over my shoulders, behind my neck and she presses her body to mine, then pulls my head down while pushing up on her toes at the same time. Her mouth is open and hot and hungry. I don’t know what she sees in me that she didn’t see in the younger guys she was talking to inside, but I can’t wonder about that now, because my hands are beneath her sweater, sliding over warm, smooth skin, and her tongue is telling me exactly what she wants.
I’m completely gone by the time I slide my hands lower, covering her ass and pulling her up against my erection. She moans into my mouth and wraps one thigh at my hip. I lift her and fit her perfectly between my body and the wall. She rocks her hips against me, and it’s my turn to moan.
When she breaks the kiss, she rests her forehead against mine. Her hands slide into my hair, nails grazing my scalp. Everything she does is such a turn-on.
“Touch me,” she says, her voice breathy and quiet. I’m about to ask her to repeat it, but she drags one hand from my neck, pushes it between us, pops the button on her jeans, then shoves the zipper down. “I can’t stop thinking about it. Touch me, Ben.”
The woman has created a sexy scale all her own. I turn my hand over, press my palm to her belly, and hold her gaze as I push it slowly into her jeans, underneath her panties, and between her legs.
We moan at the same time. She’s hot and swollen and slick, and I feel like I’m tumbling head over ass down a waterfall, sure there’s got to be rocks somewhere down the line. This is way more adventurous than I’ve ever been before, but I have a feeling that’s going to be the norm with KT.
“Fuck, that’s good.” Both her hands return to my hair. One tightens, and the pull helps me stay in the present. Helps me keep my mind on our surroundings. Then she leverages the security of her back on the wall and lifts her hips, rubbing against my hand. She laughs a groan. “I knew I’d love your hands on me.”
She’s so sexy, I have no words. But I do have an unquenchable desire to please her. To prove her lusty needs aren’t misplaced with me. I slide my hand along her until my fingers are soaked, then push two inside her. Her eyes fall closed on a look of ecstasy, lighting fire to my nerve endings.
“Oh my God.” Her eyes are dark, her lids lazy. Her lips are parted, and I lower and tilt my head to kiss her the way I finger her, deep and slow, until she whimpers. “Ben… Fuck…”
Her body tenses, and her hips buck. I barely cover her mouth in time to smother her sounds of pleasure. And I’m marveling at how quickly she climaxed. That’s got to be some kind of record. Leading me to all kinds of thoughts about setting all kinds of other records.
When her body goes loose, I drag my hand from between her legs and kiss her with her musky scent floating between us. I pull back to whisper, “I can’t wait to get you in my mouth.”
She smiles, a soft, sated smile. “Mmm. You sure are full of surprises. You don’t back down from much, do you?”
“Never, when one of my girls needs something.” I kiss her. “Your needs are my favorite to fill.”
“Sex over making peanut butter and jelly?”
“I know, I’m amazing.”
That makes her laugh out loud.
“Just don’t tell the kids they’ve fallen a step lower on the rungs.”
She’s grinning when I ease her to the ground. Unexpectedly, her legs give out. I catch her, and she laughs. “Weak knees. Damn, I don’t think that’s ever happened to me before.”
Voices grow closer from inside, and I force myself to step away from KT, just as the door opens.
Poppy and Jazz come out. “Daddy,” Jazz says, excited and blessedly oblivious. “Come see what we made.”
I shove my hands into my pockets, hopefully hiding what has got to be a noticeable hard-on. “Okay, baby. Be right there.”
They go back inside, and I see Jackie herd them through the crowd. KT starts laughing. Giggling, actually. Giggling so hard, she bends in half, supporting herself on her knees.
“Sure,” I say. “Easy for you to laugh.”
She shakes her head and starts to say something, but only laughs harder.
When she straightens, I slide my hand under her hair and pull her close for a kiss.
She eases away and looks at me with affection and heat. “Does this mean we’re on? Or do you want to keep things between us off?”
Shit. She’s so direct, which doesn’t let me hide from anything, including my own delusions. “Let’s try on. If it’s too much, I’ll let you know.”
She sighs, and her hand travels down my stomach and strokes my erection. A jolt of pleasure makes me suck a sharp breath. She kisses me again. “What time do the girls go to bed?”