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even when I’m gone
Nicole Fiorina
even when I’m gone
Copyright © 2019 by Nicole Fiorina Books All right reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
Formatting by Stephanie Anderson Proof reader by Annie Bugeja Cover by Nicole Fiorina Books
eBook Edition
note from author
Even When I’m Gone is the second book in the Stay With Me series. If you have not read Stay With Me, you will be lost and confused.
A lot of research went into this entire series, beginning with Stay With Me and continuing in the second book of Mia and Ollie’s story. Between speaking with those who have lived with the subjects discussed and countless hours of research, I’ve learned that every person’s experience is unique in their own way. This story isn’t meant to change your mind, but to open your mind. For you to embrace those who are different and see that there are two sides to every story—both sides being correct depending on how you look at it.
Difficult topics are discussed in this story. You may not agree with the character’s view points, but this is all part of character development. Their opinions may or may not reflect my own. Mature content, adult language, graphic sexual content, and disturbing matters may trigger an emotional response. Read at your own risk.
I hope you enjoy my creative spin and this world I’ve built.
Even When I’m Gone Playlist Available on Spotify
dedication
Dad,
If you were here, you would have told me to let it go. But we both know I was always the wild card with my mother’s fierce spirit and your honest heart. So, I did it, anyway. Perhaps not in the way you would have expected, but I finally found a way to give you a morsel of justice compared to what you truly deserved. I wish I could do more, and I’m sorry I couldn’t have done something sooner.
This is for you, Dad.
This story is your justice …
… and my revenge.
Love, The daughter who can’t let it go
Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Epilogue
Prologue
“I’m not so sure what’s more terrifying,
the violent storm inside my head
or the silence.”
—Oliver Masters
Ollie
I HAD BEEN AN ARSEHOLE.
And I’d known it at the time.
You would think knowing would have made things easier.
But it hadn’t.
It had made leaving her worse.
“Ollie’s back,” a familiar voice called out. I turned my head to see them both standing there—Jake and Mia. My eyes connected with hers, and though I wasn’t ready for it, everything I feared had become my verifiable truth. I’d once loved her, and it hadn’t been long ago when she was my everything. I remembered the way she’d made me feel, but now those feelings were replaced with something else.
Betrayal? No. Anger? No.
Something worse.
Nothing.
She looked at me, my little explosion of hope, eyes filled with belief. Only I didn’t have it in me. Instead, I turned and walked away.
It was easier, Mia.
I walked back to my dorm, and it was her footfalls echoing through the corridor. I should have known she wouldn’t have given up so easily, but I wasn’t ready to face her. Not yet. Not until I could give her the answers I knew she needed.
I’d warned her this would happen, and now that it had happened, I saw everything so clearly. How could I ever love a girl that had been corrupted by my brother?
Her hand grabbed my arm and spun me around. Before our eyes met, I knew it was her. I would always know her touch. Every inch of her had seared into my soul like a permanent tattoo—because we once belonged. Though I was gone, the pills could never erase the imprints her hands had left behind on my skin; the places she had touched.
I hoped for a connection like I felt in the mess hall from day one—instead, nothing. I flashed her a smile. It was probably worse than anything else I could have done, but again, I didn’t have it in me.
Dammit, Mia.
“I don’t know what to say,” I deadpanned, unwilling to look her directly in the eyes, but only because I was scared. Fuck, was I scared. I didn’t want to feel anything. Because what if I did? Feelings made things more complicated. It was easier not to care, and that was what my body wanted me to do. So, I looked past her as if she were a fading shade of my past.
“Say anything,” she pleaded, taking my hand in hers. It was all I ever wanted before—her touch. All I wanted at this moment, though, was the silence.
Pulling away, I looked into her golden-brown eyes. I remembered it was all I’d used to search for in every room I’d entered. It was all I’d hoped to see when I woke up in the morning, praying for the golden-brown days over the dark-brown days.
I had to push her away because I would only disappoint. It was for her own good.
“You fucked my brother. I should have never allowed it to go on as long as it did,” I reminded her, which was all true. She screwed my brother, and even though our love couldn’t be tainted before, now it was. Tainted, because now my immune heart and soul lived in a world of the impervious.