Ethan rubbed his thumb against my cheek and let out a small breath of his own. When I opened my eyes, I found him again. “Please, don’t leave me,” I choked out. “Stay with me for just a little bit. Until I fall back asleep?”
Ethan’s mouth set in a hard line as he pushed more strands away from my face, but his eyes never wavered from mine. “Don’t put me in that position.”
He removed his hand and turned his eyes away.
Then he stood and adjusted his belt. I used to fear the jingle of those keys, but Ethan’s presence had replaced that fear. I no longer flinched at the sound. Now, I begged to hear it.
Ethan turned back around to face me, and his eyes wandered up and down my sweaty body until they landed on my face. “I’ll see you in the morning, Jett.”
He’d never call me by my first name, and I never understood it. Rolling back over in the bed, each of his footfalls gripped my already broken heart before the door clicked closed behind him.
Chapter Two
“You’re desperate, I know, but
his touch is never going to fix it.
You’re empty, I know, but
he can never fill the place I once did.
I warned you, my love, but
you’re stubborn and never listen.”
—Oliver Masters
mia
“I HAVE TO SAY, Mia, I’m very impressed with how far you’ve come over the summer compared to where you were last semester,” Dr. Conway said as we sat in her office. “Do you have any goals for this year?”
One more week until school started, and between the support group I conducted once a week and my night terrors, there was still plenty of time for my mind to stray to Ollie. No matter how busy I tried to keep myself, he was everywhere.
“Goals,” I laughed lightly from the leather couch, “There’s a word I would never have attached to my name before.”
Dr. Conway’s face sank under her 80’s bangs. “Stop with all this self-deprecating…” she mumbled before turning in her chair and raised to her feet. My eyes followed her as she walked toward a small side table on the opposite side of the room and pulled out a drawer. “Ah-hah.” She held a green velvet notebook in the air, waving it around as if it were the winning lotto ticket.
“What’s that?”
“This, my dear, is your first assignment for the new school year,” she handed me the notebook, “I want you to start writing in a journal. It will be therapeutic.”
I groaned and fell back into the couch. “Why do all your assignments include reading and writing?”
“Because it stimulates the brain.”
“My brain isn’t the muscle that needs stimulating.”
Dr. Conway shot her palms over her ears. “No, you didn’t say that. I didn’t hear it.”
I laughed, and she re-took her seat in her swivel chair, recovering from my comment. “Have you thought about what you want to do once you leave here? Will you continue school?”
“Haven’t given it much thought.”
Ollie and I had made plans. We’d talked about his dreams of publishing his poetry, traveling across the world, and giving back to those who went without. We’d talked about my dreams of watching him fulfill his because truth be told, Ollie had been my dream all along. That was until he took it all away from me. Though he was gone now, my plans of running away with Ollie were still in motion. One more year left at Dolor, and I would find him and remind him of what we had.
“I want you to start thinking about it. You have your whole life in front of you, Mia. By the second semester, I can help you apply for colleges in the states.”
“Thanks.” I ran my hand over the front of the fuzzy journal. The shade changed as my fingers swiped down, then lightened as they swiped back up. I did appreciate Conway’s offer, but I didn’t want to go back to Pennsylvania. There was nothing left for me there.
The UK became my home.
Ollie was my home.
On my way back to my dorm, footsteps sounded behind me. Each time I paused and turned around, the noise stopped. After waiting a moment, I continued again. The footfalls started shortly after, growing louder and closer together with each step I took. My feet picked up the pace and I snapped my head behind me right before I turned the corner when I slammed into what felt like a brick wall.
My notebook fell to the floor, and strong hands grabbed my elbows to keep me steady. “Whoa, darling,” a low voice said.
Glancing up, Jude peered down at me with pale blue eyes and my arms in his secured hold. My muscles tensed. “Sorry, I thought I….” My head whipped around to see nothing behind me, and I shook my head. “I don’t know. I thought I heard someone behind me.”
Jude released me and took a step back.
“What are you doing on my wing anyway?” I asked, crouching down to pick up the notebook. “You’re in second wing,”
Jude shook his black hair from his face and lifted a shoulder. “I got lost.”
An awkward silence loomed over us as Jude’s eyes kept me pinned in place.
“Everything alright over here?” Ethan’s level voice came from behind. He laid a hand over my shoulder. “Jett? Is he bothering you?”
I swallowed. “No, I—
“Just looking for the loo, mate,” Jude interjected.
Ethan withdrew his hand and pointed behind me. “Your loo is that way. Different wing. And I’m not your mate.”
Jude dropped his chin and scurried off around the corner.
I turned to face Ethan. “You didn’t have to be so rude, you know. I ran into him.”
Ethan’s gaze followed Jude, watching intently. “He had no business being down here.”
“He was lost, Ethan.”
Ethan’s eyes shifted from Jude’s back to me. “Don’t call me Ethan.”
“Okay, Officer Scott,” I blew out air, “I’m starting to think you should be a patient here instead of an employee.”
Ethan pinched his brows together and his eyes bounced between mine. Without giving him a chance to reply, I turned and walked away.
Over the summer, Ethan and I spent many nights together, talking until the sun came up. Our conversations typically consisted of differences between the states and the UK, television shows, and music. I’d learned Ethan was only a few years older than me, but he hardly talked about himself. He mentioned he had to complete a year here to advance in his career. Out of all the institutions, he was stuck with Dolor.
He made it very clear he did not want to be here.
But it was the similarities between his sister and me that made Ethan so interested. When we first met last year after Oscar had attacked me, I’d learned his sister had also been raped, then passed away shortly after. Ethan didn’t go into the details about his sister, but wanted to know every aspect of my traumatic past. I didn’t mind, either. If it helped him come to an understanding about what happened to his sister, I’d do whatever I could to help.
A strong scent of death drifted up to my nose upon entering my dorm room, and I quickly covered my nose with my hand as my door closed behind me. I tossed my new notebook over my desk before following the source.
The unbearable smell curdled my senses, and bile burned the back of my throat in warning. Crouching down, I pulled out the rolling cart under my bed. The sight before me sent me back on my hands, crawling away until my back slammed against the desk. A scream belted from my throat, and my eyes bulged at what I was seeing.