Geoff pulled up in fourteen minutes as promised, coming right up to him on the little front steps. “Hey there, man. I’m glad to see you home.”
He smiled. He liked that Geoff called it home. “It’s good to be here. It’s good to have him here finally too. Come on in. You want a beer?”
“God yes. I brought a spliff for us to share. You’ll let me crash on the sofa if I can’t drive, yeah?” Geoff’s smile was warm, and he imagined Geoff had crashed here more than once.
“I’ve taken many a nap there. It’s comfy as hell, right?” He led Geoff into the kitchen and opened two beers. “Let’s take it outside. Thanks for coming. I needed company. I can’t get out of my own head.”
“I can’t imagine, man. Seriously.”
Oh, he thought maybe Geoff could. Geoff loved Troy dearly, had been stressing this too.
“Be honest. You can. You said you were going crazy.” He pulled a chair out from the outdoor table for Geoff and then one for himself. “Carter said you couldn’t sleep. Talk.” That was a little more Dom-like than he’d intended, but fuck it, he was a Dom. Geoff knew it.
“He’s my best friend. Closer than anyone but my Master.” Geoff met his eyes, those big brown eyes wide, shimmering. “I can’t imagine him being gone. It scares me to death. He’s… I’ve taken care of him for a long time.”
He smiled and shook his head, knowing what Geoff was saying. “And now he has me, that’s true. But he needs you too, for other things.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m not trying to take your place or anything, I just… I love him too. You two are our family.”
“Troy says that all the time about you and Carter. He loves you guys, you’re all the family he’s had for years. And as much as I hate it, I need you guys like family right now for sure.”
He knew he’d complicated things for everyone when he showed up. Carter was learning to pull back, Geoff was learning to let go a little… he sometimes felt as if he’d broken up a triad. At least an emotional one.
“I mean—that didn’t come out right. I don’t hate that it’s you guys, sorry. I just hate that I have to ask for so much help. I hate that this is so hard. Like, really fucking hard.” He reached over and picked up the big lighter Troy had out here for the fire pit. “Let’s light that puppy up.”
“Fuck yeah.” Geoff pulled a hand-rolled joint out and offered it over. “And you don’t have to be so careful with me. I’m on your side, me and Carter.”
“No?” He lit up, took a nice drag and held it in, then handed the joint back to Geoff. He leaned back in his chair and exhaled slowly. “I never know if you’ll think I’m overstepping. Troy is… he needs me.”
“Yeah. It’s hard, huh?” Geoff took a drag, holding it easily before letting it go. “I’ve almost been acting as a switch with him.”
“Not almost. You totally have. You’re the one who gave him what he needed. You made the choices about the art. That’s a lot of ink. Hundreds of hours’ worth. What did you get out of it? What need was that filling for you? It can’t have all been about him.”
“Do you know how heady it is, as an artist to have a whole body to do what I want to with? It’s… fucking awesome. It’s like a drug a little bit.”
“No, not as an artist, but as a Dom I do.” Heady was a good word. And it was definitely a high. Speaking of… he reached for the joint and took another hit. Geoff knew the good stuff.
“And before you there was Arnie.” He sighed. “I don’t mean to… I mean, I didn’t know him obviously since he died when I was five and all. But the few things Troy has said about him make me… uncomfortable.”
“You mean the bag deal? That pissed me right off. It felt… creepy.” Geoff blinked at him. “This is between us, huh? I wouldn’t hurt Troy for the world.”
“Yeah, the bag. And today he said that Arnie just expected him to toe the line. Toe the line? It will stay between us, but I think I should know what the deal is.” He handed the spliff back to Geoff and took a swig of his beer.
Geoff sighed and took time for another deep hit before he answered. “So, it was a different world, right? No one in rodeo was out. No one. It was a death sentence. Arnie was…” Geoff sighed. “Arnie was a Top, no question, and he didn’t take no for an answer. There was Arnie’s way, or you left. Arnie adored Troy, but it wasn’t a formal arrangement. It wasn’t always sane.”
A different time. Okay, that he understood. Things weren’t great for a lot of people even now, in rodeo or otherwise. But the rest was… “He was a Top. He wasn’t a Dom.” He sighed. He wanted to rant and get angry but that wasn’t going to make it better. It was twenty years ago. His job was to look after Troy now, treat his boy right.
“I hope Troy understands the difference. I hope he knows there’s no line, no bag of rocks. That it’s our way, not mine.” Oh, the green was kicking in nicely, he was relaxing for the first time in days.
“He’s been with all of us—our little group—for twenty years. He knows how to say no, how to ask questions. I’ve tried to help, to release the pressure valve. I’ve done okay, huh? I helped?”
“Oh, Geoff. Man, he wouldn’t be here without you. Both of you. He told me he’d intended to disappear after he brought Carter Arnie’s buckles.” And given the state Arnie had left Troy in, he was pretty sure Troy would have succeeded in doing just that. “You saved him I think.” He glanced at Geoff, it seemed important that Geoff heard him. “I really believe that. You saved him.”
“He’s my best friend, so that means a lot. Thank you. You should have seen him then, this scared, skinny kid who fully intended to walk up into the mountains and die.” Geoff shook his head. “It was Carter who found out he could cook.”
“He’s working hard. He wants my collar.” Troy would get it eventually; he already knew that. It was about timing now, finding the right boundary, working through something.
“Oh…” Geoff fluttered a little bit, and it was utterly adorable. “That’s so fucking cool!”
He grinned and nodded. “Yeah.” He’d noticed that Geoff wasn’t collared. Not in any traditional way that he could see. “It’ll be a while, especially now. But he’ll earn it.” He sipped his beer again and dug at the label with his thumb. “It’s going to be a long few weeks.”
“It’s a black light tattoo.”
“What?”
“My collar. I saw you looking. It’s only visible under black light.”
“No way.” Damn. He got a sudden image of Carter and Geoff’s bedroom, their teeth and Geoff’s collar glowing under an overhead black light. Oh. That he could never unsee. “Tattoo artist, of course. That’s… crazy. How cool.”
“Thank you. It was perfect. Just like what you two do will be. Assuming you survive the next six weeks. Drag?” Geoff was just giving him shit now.
“Troy’s going to wake up and be the sober one.” But he took that joint, didn’t he? And he inhaled one more nice drag, keeping it in as long as he could manage before exhaling. “We’ll survive. I don’t know about Carter, though. I can’t promise Troy will be back.”