“A wedding cake!”
Nikki did a great job pretending to laugh. But then a realization hit her.
“Wait a minute,” she said aloud, “that means all of those desserts we made fun of were really from Delia’s company!”
“You’re right!” Luke said in disbelief. “That can’t be – they were disgusting. She’s The Sugar Fairy! And did you see the actual wedding cake before they cut it? Totally unoriginal and uninspiring.”
“Yeah! I saw that too. Can you believe it?”
“No way. What’s happened to her catering company? It must have become too commercialized or something. You could totally do better, Nikki. Without a doubt.”
Nikki appreciated how Luke’s disbelief in the famous chef’s quality had turned into a nonchalant compliment toward her. And the fact that they both were experienced chefs made that compliment stand out even more to her.
On their walk through the city streets back to her car, she tightened her grip around his hand. She turned and looked at Luke under the beauty of the streetlights and glimmering moonlight from above. Just as she’d seen a couple nights ago, a shimmer sparkled in his eyes. The intense feelings she felt for him as she looked into his eyes while they walked sealed it. This was the feeling that Sara had pointed out to her earlier in the day. The undeniable way she had deeply and unequivocally fallen in love with Luke were the feelings which she wanted to build her life around.
She knew it. But knowing it wasn’t the hard part. Now, she knew that there was one thing left to do, and that would be the hard part.
Chapter 23
She was going to break up with Ryan. She had set her mind on it and nothing was going to deviate her from her plan. Not even another amazing date with him would make her change her mind. Now she knew, without a doubt, that Luke was the right guy for her – no matter how amazing of a man Ryan was.
The next evening, she sat in the same chair that she had countless times before on first dates at Fate’s Kitchen. It was a chair right next to the restaurant’s large store-front window. Nikki sat in it, dreading the moment that was about to happen. Ryan had sounded so excited when she asked him to meet up that night at the same restaurant as their first date. She didn’t blame him. She knew she couldn’t just break up with him over a text or phone call. Ryan was such a great guy that he deserved more.
Although Nikki had done the breaking up many, many times before, this one felt unimaginably more difficult. And she knew that she’d screwed it up completely a couple days ago by letting their date at the cooking class even begin. So now, Nikki was going to learn from her mistake. And it all started with choosing the same setting as where she’d broken up with guys many times already. She was hoping her prior experiences in this same exact chair would kick in when the going got tough, to make the break up almost instinctual.
As she sat there waiting, Nikki told herself to do it quickly and at the beginning of the date. And if she got weak like she did last time, then all she had to do this time was think about Luke. She chose Luke. She wanted to be with him, not just now – but for the rest of her life. She knew it now, and that’s all which really mattered. She didn’t have to be with a guy to be happy in life; rather, she wanted to be with a guy, and she’d chosen Luke. Nikki told herself these things repeatedly in her mind to summon the courage to do what would be the hardest thing she’d done since she helped put her prior abusive fiancé in jail years ago. She was strong. She knew it. But that didn’t mean it’d be easy.
Seeing Ryan enter the restaurant and smile at her from across the rows of dinner tables made her realize that things had to be different right then. She couldn’t just smile happily at him from a distance. That would send the wrong signal from the beginning and make things even harder. So, she just kind of nodded from her seat.
The dread continued to build inside of her with every step that he took toward her table. She wished Ryan wasn’t such an outstanding guy who checked all her boxes. She wished she hadn’t seen him improve on his self-realized weaknesses while they’d been dating. And she definitely wished that he wasn’t so extremely handsome and muscularly built. Her physical attraction to him wasn’t making this experience any easier!
It was due to that last reason that Nikki intentionally tried to avoid looking at him while he walked toward her table.
An unavoidable look of regret filled Nikki’s face as she stood up to welcome Ryan to the table. She half-hugged him, instantly signaling that something was up.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” He asked, with a serious concern for her.
Nikki did something she’d never done before in her prior countless breakups. She started to tear up. This actually surprised her, and she quickly reached up to wipe it away to avoid tears being too much a part of this experience.
“Let me guess,” Ryan tried to soften the serious tone with an obvious joke, “you’re pregnant and I’m the father.”
Nikki chuckled, knowing it was a joke due to its impossibility. But when she caught herself instinctively laughing at the joke, her tone turned to one of reluctancy.
“Why do you have to be so funny?” She muttered to herself. “That’s why this is so hard.”
“What’s hard, Nikki? I mean it. Tell me what’s up.”
“Ryan, I’m so sorry but I have to end things with you.”
Nikki kept talking, but saw the color leave Ryan’s face. She knew nothing she could say would ease the blow.
“I’m so, so sorry. You’re an amazing guy. And I promise it’s nothing you did. Please don’t take this personally. I know you’ll find someone else one day. Any woman would be lucky to have you.”
Nikki knew she was at the mercy of whatever Ryan’s response would be. She would accept however he responded, no matter the tone and words he might say – even if said in anger, blame, or frustration toward her. She felt like she deserved it. Just two days ago, she’d called him her boyfriend for the first time and now, the very next time they were seeing each other, she was ending it all. Nikki prepared for the worst by repeating in her mind the fact that this was all for Luke – for her to be with Luke.
It took Ryan a moment to gain his composure. Nikki could tell that she’d knocked the breath out of him with news which he obviously did not anticipate at all. So, Nikki filled the void with an offer, hoping her honesty would somehow help begin his healing.
“Whatever you want to know, Ryan, just ask – I’ll be honest. I promise. I owe you at least that much.”
“Why?” Ryan finally asked, the color having returned to his face.
Nikki swallowed before continuing with the honesty that she promised.
“I’m in love with another man.”
Ryan looked hurt. Undeniably pained. Nikki had been through many breakups before, but the look of devastation piercing through his eyes was worse than any other man she’d broken up with before.
“I meant it, though,” she continued, “you’ll find another woman soon. Any woman would be lucky to…”
“Did you ever love me?” Interrupted Ryan.
“I don’t know,” Nikki said. Realizing she owed him more, she continued: “I admired you. I enjoyed every moment with you. And I was very attracted to you. Ryan, I just can’t explain it. I’m so sorry.”