“I know dad. I will. I just had to come see you and mom first. And being up here under the magnitude of the stars always made my troubles seem so little. I needed this.”
“Nikki, you’re a dreamer,” her father said, startling her with the same observation that Sara had said to her a couple days ago. “… and that’s okay. It’s wonderful, actually. But if the reason you always liked being up here was because it made you and your trials feel insignificant compared to the size of the universe, then I’m sorry that I never told you why I liked coming up here.”
Nikki’s heart was racing. Her father’s advice to fight for Luke had struck her as inspiring, and his observation of her being a dreamer was also dead-on. So whatever perspective he had on why he loved star-gazing on the roof with her was also now striking her to her very core.
“Nikki, the reason I always loved being up here with you under the stars was because it magnified how important you are to me. You see, despite the endless size of the universe and all of the infinite possibilities in it, you are somehow still the one with me right now. You’re the one who’s my daughter out of the billions of people born on this rock in the entirety of all existence. These moments on the roof aren’t important to me because the universe makes you and your trials feel smaller. Instead, these moments are meaningful to me because they make you feel larger – like fate brought you to your mother and I despite the odds of that happening having been near impossible.”
Tears fell slowly down Nikki’s cheeks as she heard each beautiful word her father spoke. They were among the most beautiful and meaningful words she’d ever been told in her life. But they weren’t the most meaningful thing she’d ever been told. Rather, this moment with her father on the roof brought forward the one thing ever said to her which meant the most of anything.
Instantly, this experience of lying with her dad under the night sky summoned the memory of having been with Luke staring at the stars on top of the retirement center’s roof. And it summoned his beautiful confession from that night as he bore the words which were the most meaningful thing she’d yet been told in her life.
At the memory of that meaningful moment, Nikki jumped up quickly and went to leave the roof. Only one thing was on her mind now.
“Where are you going?” Her father asked in surprise at her quick reaction.
“You’re right dad,” she said, “I’m going to go fight for him. And I know exactly where he’ll be.”
Chapter 25
Nikki parked her car at the Sunset Retirement Center. By now, it was close to midnight but the summer night air still was not too chilly. She knew he’d be on the roof.
She didn’t enter the main entrance, instead walking right to the metal ladder affixed to the side of the building which they’d used in the rainstorm. She paused at the ladder, just the touch of it recalling the most defining moment of her life so far. The memory came alive in her mind as she ascended each rung of the ladder – the memory of seeing Luke look up to catch her if she fell was palpable in her mind. And she remembered everything about the moment so clearly – the words he spoke and how she felt warm in Luke’s arms despite the fact she’d been standing in the middle of a cold downpour. She yearned so desperately to not let that moment between her and Luke slip away as she now climbed the ladder to, hopefully, convince Luke to not give up on them.
She finished climbing the ladder and then paced quietly across the flat roof to where they had laid before. As she approached, she saw him. His arms were stretched up behind his head as he laid on his back under the night air. He laid still, not even moving an inch as she approached from his side. She wondered if he was ignoring her in his hurt. She wouldn’t have blamed him, so she continued to approach delicately.
But as she got just a couple steps away from him, she noticed that his eyes were closed and that his chest was raising and falling slowly in rhythm. Luke had done exactly what he’d told her he would often do up here – fall asleep dreaming underneath the stars.
Nikki carefully crouched down next to his side, making sure not to wake him yet. She just stared at the handsome sleeping body, swept away in emotion at the man before her. This was the man she loved. She watched as his chest rose and fell, wanting to place her head on his chest just like she had before, to feel his heart beat. But just as she fought back the urge, Luke’s eyes opened, almost as if her presence next to him summoned awake his soul.
He looked up at her as she sat next to him, the beauty of his direct stare instantly pulling her in. The fact that he didn’t say anything initially told Nikki that he was still hurt and processing it all. So, Nikki took the lead, trying to be as graceful and understanding as she could.
“Hey,” she said calmly, “I thought I might find you up here.”
The fact that Luke cracked a slight smile told Nikki that he wasn’t completely closed off. This gave her the glimmer of hope she needed. She reached her hand out and started to rustle her fingers through his hair. Not only was she unable to keep her hands off of him, but she hoped it signaled that she wanted to have him close.
“I’m sorry about what you saw, but I need to explain it to you.”
Luke sat up, crossing his legs, now sitting just inches away from Nikki atop the roof underneath the sky on the warm summer night.
He still hadn’t said anything, but just the fact that he was listening to her was more than Nikki could have hoped for.
“Luke, I could never hurt you. You mean too much to me.” She was about to continue explaining the situation to him, but he interrupted.
“But, then – why?”
“I know, I know. Listen, I’m going to be completely honest, and I’ll answer any question you have. So, please - please – believe me when I say that what you saw wasn’t really what you think you saw.”
Again, the fact he sat right next to her calmly without erupting in anger or vindictiveness was more than most men would do. This only sealed just how deeply she was in love with him. His tranquil demeanor in a tough time showed how confident and at peace he was in life. Nikki wanted to bridge the foot of space between them and jump on this beautiful and attractive man, telling him finally that she wanted to be with him for the rest of her life. But she knew she couldn’t – not yet. Instead, she had to get to the point.
“Luke, I had been seeing a guy when I met you. And I had pretty much fallen in love with him when I met you – or, at least, I thought I had. But, meeting you taught me that I didn’t really know what love was.”
Under the glistening pale moon light, Nikki could tell that her words had cracked the shell concealing Luke’s emotion, as she saw a tear begin to move slowly down from the corner of his eye. So, she continued bearing her story to him.
“You see, a couple years ago, I was engaged to a man who abused me – physically and emotionally. And the worst part was, he began doing it before I agreed to become engaged to him. I then went through this whole ordeal of putting him behind bars. But even though he’s locked away, that experience made me unwilling to trust someone again.”
Nikki was actually surprised to have found herself revealing so much more about her past than she had anticipated. But it felt good. She had revealed her abusive past to Ryan, but had done so almost reluctantly. It was different with Luke, though. She wanted him to know because she knew she could trust him with the cautions which she’d developed from her past, as she knew Luke had developed somewhat of the same thing from his past. It felt healing to reveal her past to him.